


My Heart Is Racing

by pandorasxbox



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Auto Racing, Caring, Cheating, Competition, Cutting, Denial, Depression, Drinking, Fili is not related to anyone, Flirting, Forgiveness, Help, Jealousy, M/M, Revenge, Self-Indulgent, Sex, Smut, Teasing, Thorin & Kili are NOT related, reckless acts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-05-05
Packaged: 2018-03-19 02:29:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 63,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3592953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorasxbox/pseuds/pandorasxbox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin Oakenshield is a veteran race car driver forced to retire at a young age for his sport, but finds a new beginning in the world of racing by starting his own race team. Kili Durin is a cocky, reckless rookie racer car driver that lives life on the edge getting his heart racing by seeking thrills and excitement as well as trying to have sex with anyone he can seduce. When Thorin hires Kili to be his driver, he tries to tame him from his wild ways, but Kili eventually has Thorin falling for him getting this older man’s heart racing in more ways than one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Drive For Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin tries to pull a race team together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own these Tolkien/Jackson characters.

_It was surreal. As if time was moving in slow motion, the only sound Thorin could hear was his heart beating in his ears. That was at least until he heard what everyone else heard. From the infield, Thorin stretched his arms above his head grasping the chain link fencing watching in sheer terror as he held his breath and his heart stopped when he saw the inevitable. The screeching of tires and the sickening sound of metal being broken and crushed. The race car spun, flipped end over end, then rolled over and over, and flipped again before finally coming to a silent stop in the grassy median of the racetrack as flames erupted from under the car._

_“Live life to the fullest. Live fast, die young. Nothing can make you feel more alive than cheating death.” – Kili Durin_

~`~

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” Thorin Oakenshield’s younger sister, Dis placed a gentle hand on her oldest brother’s arm giving him a concerned look as he was about put on his helmet and slide inside his race car. His breathing was labored and his head begun to spin, as he had a feeling he never knew before wash over him. He was anxious, dare say fearful. It was the first time in thirty years of racing he ever felt _afraid_ to get back into the seat of a race car where he had spent most of his life feeling the most comfortable.

When Thorin’s wife butted in and started antagonizing him, calling him names and threatening to leave him if he didn’t get back in that race car, Thorin turned to his sister and said, “No. I can’t do this anymore.” His nagging, gold-digging wife barely spoke another word before Dis had punched the bitch out with one blow of her fist. Thorin grabbed his seething sister and pulled her into an appreciative tight hug, “Thank you! I'm glad you punched her before I did.” 

~`~

It was the time of year in stock car racing they called, Silly Season when teams changed drivers. Basically trying to form and reform their teams for the following season that would begin in February. Thorin spent this year sitting in the pits with his brother, Frerin’s race team itching to get back into the sport again since he made the decision at the beginning of this season to never driver again after his horrible crash that almost ended his life. 

Frerin’s car owner, Thranduil gave Thorin support suggesting the idea he had already been kicking around. To form his own race team. One smart thing Thorin did right was invest his money, and made sure his ex-wife got nothing from their divorce. With the finances he needed, he took Thranduil’s advice and started looking for good people to start a team.

Even though Thorin was a veteran of the sport, it was going to take some convincing he had what it would take to run a successful team. Pit crew members only switched teams to follow their drivers or to possibly make more money from another team. When it came to drivers, Thorin had his work cut out for him. It was a risky business to leave the comforts of established teams.

Thorin had his eye on racer Bilbo Baggins. He wanted him as his driver more than anyone in their division, but Bilbo was loyal to his team owner, Gandalf Grey. Bilbo had a thing for Thorin, but that would not sway his decision to remain with the team he had been so successful with for years. 

Feeling defeated, Thorin was about to give up. A lot of his old pit crew said they would work for him, but he couldn’t find a driver. Without a decent driver, he didn’t have a team. Sitting at a bar on a Friday night drinking pitchers of beer with his pit crew leader, Nori, Thorin had an idea. “Nori…who is that?” Nori was shaking his head at the winner of the race they were watching on the television behind the bartender. 

Nori saw that look in his friend’s eye. “Kili Durin. You don’t want to go there. That kid is trouble.”

“Hmmm…” Thorin thought about it. “Maybe. If I can’t find someone in our stock car division, maybe a rookie from elsewhere would be good. That kid is really good. I could mold him to be the best driver he could be in our division.” 

Nori chuckled at the thought. “ _If_ he’ll listen to you! You know rookie drivers. They come into our field thinking they already know everything. That kid there, is trouble, Thorin! I’m tellin’ ya, he’s the cockiest son of a bitch I’ve ever seen!” 

“Kili.” Thorin smiled with determination. “I can break him.”

~`~

"Why would I want to drive for you?" Kili threw his racing gloves at one of his crew members who had to retrieve them from the ground as he blew a bubble with his chewing gum staring at Thorin standing before him. 

"Don't you know who I am?" Thorin assumed this young racer would automatically know him since he was a three-time stock car champion. He assumed wrong this young racer would jump at the chance to drive for him. 

Kili laughed at the smug older man. "Yes. I do. You're a has-been. Why would I want to driver for your ragtag team?" 

Standing behind Thorin, Nori took a deep breath holding himself back from letting this punk meet his fist. "We were the number one team two years in a row before Thorin's accident! Where do you get off calling us a ragtag team?"

"Don't you know who _I am?_ " Kili retorted cocking his head at them both. Thorin put on his best fake smile for him. "Yes. I do. You're a brilliant race car driver...in your division." The young racer gloated only for a moment until Thorin told him what he really thought of him. "You're also a cocky little shit that needs to get his ass kicked a few times!"

The brunet pulled his long hair from the elastic band shaking out his long tangled locks. "If that's how you feel about me, why are offering me a job to drive for you?"

"Because I see the potential you have to be a great stock car driver. You could be the best!" Thorin changed his tone hoping he could speak intelligently with the boy. "If you can get over yourself long enough to listen and learn something from me. I'm sure to get us a good sponsor. I'll pay you more than you're making now, but you have to promise you'll listen to me." Kili looked at Nori, then Thorin thinking about the money and fame stock car racing could bring him. "Alright. I'm in. I'll drive for you." 

~`~

Over the winter months, teams were working hard getting their cars ready for the first race of the season. Kili had always been number one in his division, and reveled in the attention he received. Here in this stock car division, he was a nobody. 

Being an attention seeker came naturally to the new kid. He was also an insatiable flirt and a tease. When he saw Bilbo talking to Thorin, he felt the need to interrupt. “Thorin, I need help with the zipper on my race suit, I think it’s stuck.” Thorin turned his attention from Bilbo to try and help Kili with his suit. The zipper seemed to be working just fine as the car owner unzipped his suit exposing the boy’s bare chest and toned abs he couldn’t stop himself from unzipping the suit further down. 

He stopped just below his navel. Still holding the zipper between his thumb and finger, Thorin’s sapphire eyes looked up to see Kili’s sultry dark eyes gazing back at him with a very serious look on his face. “Are you going to stop there?”

Bilbo cleared his throat to remind Thorin he was standing there. Thorin let go of the zipper and gave Kili a warning look with a growl. “Your zipper’s fine. You can go now.” Kili gave him an impish smile thanking him for his help before leaving the two standing there awkwardly alone. 

“Well…if I didn’t know any better, I’d say your driver is trying to tease you.” Thorin knew Bilbo was right. Kili was teasing him because no racer ever wore just their race suit without other clothing under it. The boy did that on purpose to fluster him in front of Bilbo, and it worked.

Thorin tried not to let Bilbo see him watching Kili walk away. He caught himself thinking about how much he wanted to continue unzipping Kili’s race suit to see what else he’d find. “Thorin?...Thorin?” Finally realizing Bilbo was speaking to him, Thorin apologized. “Do you want to have dinner tonight?” The dark haired man collected himself to answer. “Uh, yes…yes, I’ll meet you in the hotel lobby at 7.” 

After Bilbo left, Thorin went into the shop to find Kili looking under the hood of his car with one of the mechanics standing very close to him with a hand on his back. “What are you doing Kili?” The brunet gave him another coy look as he stood up and removed his hand from his mechanics back. “I’m helping work on the engine.” 

Thorin wasn’t sure if he was angry at his driver for trying to embarrass him in front of Bilbo, or because he was flirting with his mechanic now, or because he had teased him. “Get out of here. Your job is done for the day. You’re a driver, not a mechanic!” 

Kili left the car and stopped just past Thorin to ask, “What time will you be back from dinner with Bilbo? Maybe we could have a drink together. You’ve been working so hard over the past few months, we’ve hardly got to know one another.”

“We’re fine just the way we are.” Kili smiled to himself continuing on his way. “Oh, hey, Thorin…your brother, Frerin likes to drink doesn’t he? Maybe I’ll see if he’ll join me.” Thorin spun around without realizing how he sounded. “Leave Frerin alone!” 

“Jeez! I was just going to drink with him!” Thorin certainly didn’t want Kili messing around with his little brother. “Go back to your hotel room, Kili! You’re going on the track for the first time in this car tomorrow. You need to get your rest. It’s going to be a long day.” 

After taking Thorin’s advice to go back to his hotel room, Kili showered and decided to go the lounge for a few drinks even if he went alone. Finding Frerin alone in the hotel lounge was better than he hoped for. “Hey Frerin, can I join you?” The blond looked around, and saw Kili taking the seat next to him invited or not. “Hey Kili.” The brunet called the bartender over and started a tab. “Dude, we’re racing tomorrow. We can’t be down here getting wasted tonight.” 

“No…just a few drinks…on me…” The younger driver smiled and reached across in front of Frerin to grab a coaster. Inhaling the smell Kili’s cologne had a dizzying effect on Frerin as the brunet lingered closely in front of him taking in the look Frerin was giving him.

Another blond driver entered the lounge looking for Frerin. They were supposed to be meeting for a couple drinks this evening. Fili didn’t know what to make of seeing Frerin and Kili sitting so closely together at the bar, but regardless he took the seat on the other side of Frerin.

Fili wasn’t the jealous type, but he was feeling possessive of Frerin. The two hadn’t officially started dating, only getting together when they could, but Fili really like Frerin and didn’t like the way Kili was flirting with his potential boyfriend.

Kili had played this game for so many years, he knew when someone was hot for him, and when someone was jealous and wanted to kick his ass. He had both scenarios going on right here, right now. It was time to leave. “See you two at the track tomorrow.” 

~`~

Just as the brunet was about to enter his hotel room, someone grabbed his arm. With a gasp he turned defensively falling into Thorin. “I thought I told you to go to your hotel room hours ago.” Still catching his breath, Kili tried to explain. “I-I just wanted to have a couple drinks, I swear I didn’t know Frerin was there!” Trying to read the older man’s face, he went for it. “Do you want to join me in my room for a little bit?”


	2. Practice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili may or may not be listening to Thorin.  
> Thorin wants to start a relationship with Bilbo, but something about Kili keeps him curiously interested in him.

“No. We both need our rest. It’s already late, and we need to be at the track at 5am.” Thorin released Kili’s arm. “It’s only 10.” With one look, he knew it was time to call it a night.

~`~

Morning came quickly. Too quickly for some. In their garage at the race track, Kili sat propped up on a couple tires leaning against a tool box trying to hide from everyone hoping to get a little more sleep. Apparently he didn’t hide well enough as Nori found him sitting there with his sunglasses on. “Late night?”

“I was in my room at 10.” Nori reached down to pull his sunglasses off. “Looks like you may have been in your room at 10, but you haven’t had much sleep, huh?” Tossing the glasses back at Kili, he left him there knowing Thorin would find him eventually.

Thorin walked around carrying his coffee checking in with all his team members. A certain curly haired blond just a garage over caught his eye. Just as he was about to approached Bilbo, Gandalf appeared out of nowhere to stop him. “Is there a matter I could help you with, Thorin?” 

Even if he tried, Thorin couldn’t hide the color rising in his cheeks. “Uh, no, Gandalf. I was just going to chat with Bilbo for a moment, but I see you’re all very busy. Maybe later.” Gandalf gave a nod. “Indeed. You know, you’re a distraction to my driver. I’d appreciate it if you’d wait to speak with Bilbo after our practice is over today.”

Thorin hadn’t had a real relationship with anyone since his divorce not quite a year ago. Bilbo had shown interest in Thorin for years even before his divorce. They had recently tried to spend more time together now that the dark haired team owner had taken notice of Bilbo’s affections for him. Living in different cities, they didn’t get to see one another at all over the winter months, but now the season was back in full swing maybe they could start something real. 

Since he wasn’t going to get to socialize as he wanted to, Thorin walked around asking if anybody had seen his driver. Nori pointed toward the back of the garage. With a swift kick to the tire Kili was sitting on, the boy almost jumped out of his skin. “What the fuck, Thorin?”

“I could say the same to you! What are you doing back here sleeping? We’re just about ready for you to get in the car! I can’t have you half asleep sitting behind the wheel of my half of a million dollar car driving almost 200 miles per hour around this track!” The rant continued as Kili slowly pushed his way off the tires and sluggishly walked through the garage while Thorin was turning blue from lack of oxygen screaming at his driver walking through the pits passing other teams.

Fili raised an eyebrow and bit his lip to keep from laughing at the two as they passed by. Frerin walked over to join him. “Thorin’s got his hands full with that one.” The younger blond agreed. “Let’s just hope he really is a good driver for all our sake. One wrong move and he could wipe us all out of the running.”

Kili had the ability to block out anyone’s voice when he didn’t feel like listening anymore. He waved a hand at Thorin and adjusted his uniform. “I’ll be fine, Thorin. I was just resting my eyes.” Rolling his eyes, the driver pulled his hair up in a tie before putting on his helmet and gloves.

Finally the time had come to fire up the car’s engine and see what it could do on the track for the first time. Kili had been practicing with one of their older cars getting acclimated to this track he had never driven on before. A two and a half mile track was much different from the smaller tracks he was used to, and this car he was about to drive off in was the one he would be driving on this long track for the first race of the season. 

Kili started the race car and revved the engine. With a slow start heading down pit lane, he began to hear Thorin in his headset talking him through the turns. The second and last practice lap around the track, Thorin tried to warn him to slow on the fourth turn. 

“I got this.” Kili replied pushing the car a little faster instead of letting off the gas. Thorin shook his head watching the car take the turn too fast and spinout. Smoke billowed from the burning of the rubber tires before its driver brought her back into the pits. 

“What did I tell you? What did I say?” Thorin hated more than anything for someone to completely ignore him. Kili popped off his helmet, and let Thorin rant while he stood there only half listening with that cocky grin on his face.

“Alright! You were right, I was wrong! Next time, I’ll let off the gas in the fourth turn…chill!” Thorin wanted to grab something and break it, preferably Kili at the moment. “You just risked crashing that car in our first practice session! You need to listen to me and do what I tell you!”

Kili went straight to the back of the garage and started taking off his racing uniform. Nori saw what he was doing. “Hey, Kee…we’re not done yet, you know. You have to go out again in about a half hour.” The brunet shook his head. “I don’t need to practice anymore.”

 _“What?”_ Nori couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “I know what I’m doing.” The skinny pit crew leader laughed out loud. “Now _that’s_ funny! Put your uniform back on! This isn’t all about _you_! It’s about making sure the car’s running at its peak performance. Now get that suit back on. We got a lot of work to do today, son!”

~`~

Needing to get away even if it was for a few minutes, Kili walked around the backside of the garages to find the restrooms. Along the way, he spotted Fili and Frerin have a private moment, or at least they thought they were hidden from someone seeing them.

“Fili, do you think we’d have enough time to go back to your motorhome?” In between kisses and gasps for air, Frerin tried to talk Fili out of his uniform. As much as he wanted to, the responsible side of Fili answered. “We can’t leave right now. I have to drive soon.” 

Barely telling Frerin why he could go with him, Fili was called over the loudspeaker to report to his team. Kili hid behind a rack of tires until he knew Fili was gone before he casually ran into Frerin. “Hey Frerin. You and Fili, huh?” The blond wouldn’t answer trying to walk away. 

“What’s wrong? Did I do something I shouldn’t have last night? I’m sorry if I did, I didn’t mean to.” Frerin stopped to answer Kili. “No. You didn’t do anything. It’s just, me and Fili finally worked things out, and we’re together now. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to hang around either of us now.” Kili’s smile grew wide as he laughed. “Why not? I think it’s great you two are together!”

“I think you know why. Thorin doesn’t want me around you either.” Kili nodded. “So. Big brother still tells you what you can and can’t do even though you’re adults now?” Frerin had nothing more to say. Kili wasn’t worth wasting his breath or time on.

The brunet continued down the row of garages when something else caught his attention. This time he overheard a conversation between a driver and his concerned wife. “Arwen, I’ve told you I’m only going to race for another couple years, and then I’ll quit for good. I promise.” 

The young mother held their two-year old pleading for her husband to give up racing for good. “Aragorn, I know we’ve talked about it all last year, and you promised me before this season started you were going to quit! I can’t stand being afraid every time you go out on the track, you may not come back! I don’t want to have to raise our son alone!” Aragorn tired to calm his wife with a loving kiss pressed into her hair, but she turned away from him. "Arwen!"

The discouraged female carrying her child stormed out of the garage heading for their motorhome. She stopped only for a moment when she saw Kili. Her crystal blue eyes met his dark brooding eyes long enough for him to read her angst. Hearing what she said to her husband gave him a flashback of his brother, and his wife. Kili wanted to tell Arwen everything would be alright, that it was a safe sport, but he knew first hand it was not as he quickly and politely stepped out of her way.

~`~

The teams practiced a couple more times throughout the day. Each time Kili went out, Thorin felt his blood pressure rising. But eventually, the kid was actually doing what he told him to do, and the car responded fast and accurately in the turns. Their team just might be able to place well in their first race. 

Just as Thorin was about to walk away, his car spun on pit road. Even though no one was on pit road, people scattered away from the wall. Thorin shut his eyes, and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes, he saw two other very concerned team owners staring at him. 

Gandalf shook his head, and Thranduil started to say something, but turned away to continue speaking with Gandalf. This was bad. Not sure how to deal with his driver, he did the opposite of what Kili thought he would do. Thorin did nothing. Nori on the other hand went off on him. “What’s wrong with you? If our crews had been out here, you would’ve killed someone, you dumbass!” 

~`~

Sitting in the hotel lounge alone, Kili watched everyone from his corner seat of the bar. It wasn’t like him to remain quiet, and unseen. Thorin surprised his driver by taking up the seat next to him. “Fancy meeting you here.” Kili said sarcastically. Thorin just grinned and ordered his drink. “I felt like having a drink, and I’m also here as your chaperone.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Offense taken. “Qualifying well tomorrow can make or break us. You need to be in peak performance as well as the car tomorrow.” The brunet couldn’t resist a little tease. “Maybe you should make sure I get to bed on time too then. You know, tuck me and all.” The older man was getting immune to Kili’s flirting. “You just never know when to stop, do you?” With a little grin, Kili looked around. "Where's Bilbo tonight?"

Thorin knew everyone could see they seemed to like one another, so their blossoming relationship was no secret. "He's getting his sleep, like you should be doing."

“If I win this race…will you fuck me?” He never knew what his crazy young driver was going to say or do next. Thorin laughed, though he knew Kili was quite serious. “No!” The team owner’s laughter slowly dissipated before his sapphire blue eyes looked deep into his driver's alluring eyes. _'Maybe'_

“Thorin, I know I’m the best driver out there. I _will_ win this race.” Again Thorin didn’t want to discourage his driver, but the odds of that happening were pretty slim. Only one rookie driver in the history of this race ever pulled off such a feat. “Well, I admire your confidence in yourself and our team to win your first race. The biggest race of the season. Now get upstairs and get some sleep so you can first try to win the pole position. Then we’ll worry about winning the race.”

Kili went to his room as ordered by his team owner, but again he didn’t sleep. He sat on the balcony of his hotel room overlooking the beach drinking straight from his bottle of rum. “Well, Captain…do you think we’re going to win that pole tomorrow?” Taking another drink, and another, he began to doubt himself the more he drank. "My brother would have won it...I have to win it...I need to win it...then we're going to win that race...I'll show them...I'll win at any cost..." 


	3. Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before the first race and Fili spends some time with Kili.

Fili’s team owner Dwalin put a hand on his driver’s shoulder staring at his car's number shown in first place. “You got this, Fili! Just a few more drivers left to qualify and from seeing whose left, I know you got the pole!” Fili wanted to believe Dwalin, and he was more nervous than ever knowing he was already sitting in first place. 

Time spent waiting for the other drivers to finish was nerve-wracking watching each car take their qualifying laps. Continuously checking his stopwatch, Fili couldn’t believe he was actually this close to being the leader. If he won this, not only would he be the lead car starting the field for the first time in his five years career in this stock car division, he would be leading the biggest race of the season. 

By the time the last car qualified, Fili had done it. He had taken the pole position. For a rookie, Kili placed a very respectable seventh place. Even though everyone told him that was a great position considering he was a rookie, it didn’t sit well with the headstrong young driver. Walking through pits a lot of the drivers were congratulating their pole sitter, but in a very unsportsmanlike manner, Kili ignored him like he was invisible going straight to his garage. 

The following day after the last practice of the day, the seventh place starter was packing up some of his things in his garage area when he felt someone watching him. “Are you here to remind me you’re the pole sitter, and I'm starting seventh?” 

Fili wasn’t that kind of person Kili was accusing him of. “Not at all. I wanted to tell you what a great job you did, and to wish you good luck tomorrow. Just because you're starting seventh, doesn't mean you can't finish in first.” With a smile and his hand extended, Kili frowned looking at Fili, his hand, and everywhere in general before he finally shook his hand wishing him good luck as well. The blond driver didn’t feel it was a heartfelt sentiment, but he would take it. 

“Guess I’ll see you back here in the morning.” Fili had almost cleared Kili’s garage area when he heard the offer. “Uh, Fili. Would you want to go down to the beach with me for a little bit?” It was the first time Kili didn’t seem to have any ulterior motives for his invite, or so it seemed. 

Frerin had warned his boyfriend not to hang around Thorin’s driver, but he almost felt _sorry_ for him. It had come to his attention, the guy really didn’t have any friends. Even Kili’s own teammates didn’t associate with him much other than at the track. 

“Sure. I’ll go with you.” Hearing Fili accept his offer to join him, surprised him. “Really? I mean, nobody…alright. I’ll meet you by the pool around 8, and we can go out to the beach together from there.” 

It was a cool, clear February night. Kili laid out a blanket for the two to sit on the sand making sure not to get too close to the water. Fili was surprised how quiet the brunet was considering how obnoxious he could be at the racetrack. Kili pulled out a bottle of whiskey, and took a drink from it before handing it to the blond. “We really shouldn’t drink tonight, Kili.” 

The brunet nodded and took another drink. “It’s still early. Come on, Fee. Lighten up.” Taking the bottle from Kili, the blond joined in drinking with the new driver. About twenty minutes had gone by, and Kili couldn't sit still any longer. Placing the cap back onto the whiskey bottle, he shoved it into the sand. "Come with me!" He jumped up, taking Fili by the hand pulling him along toward the pier. Once they were as far out on the pier as they could go, Fili began to freak out watching the audacious young guy climb onto the railing of the pier hovering over the icy cold, dark ocean waves far beneath them. 

"What are you doing? Oh my gods, Kili, you're going to fall! Get down from there!" Kili walked along the top of the railing like he was walking on the pier. "Come up here with me, Fili!" The few other people on the pier began watching almost as nervously frightened as Fili. "Get down, Kee! You're going to kill yourself if you fall off of there!" Pretending to lose his balance, Kili's blond friend almost had a heart attack as he reached out for him just as the crazy brunet jumped down in front of him. 

"What the fuck do you think you were doing up there? You could have seriously killed yourself!" Kili laughed about it, but Fili found nothing funny about his little stunt as he started walking back down the pier. "Oh, come on, Fili! I was just having some fun!" By the time they reached the spot on the beach where their blanket was, Kili was able to talk Fili into staying with him to have a few more drinks with him. 

One after another the two continued to take turns drinking from the whiskey bottle, without realizing how much he had been drinking, Fili was already drunk when Kili reached over to wipe a drip of alcohol from the blond’s bottom lip before it ran into his beard. Touching the liquid, Kili began to moisten Fili's lips with his fingertip until they parted. 

Kili just barely dipped his finger into the blond’s mouth letting him lick the liquid from it, but then Fili held his hand in place tightened his lips around Kili's finger sucking it and rolling his tongue around it. With a gasp, the sensual feeling shot straight to the brunet’s groin. Kili hadn’t completely intended to come on to the blond when he touched his lips, but if Fili could suck his finger like this…he wasn’t going to be the one to stop them from going further. “Fili.” 

Very quickly Kili pulled his hand away to hold the side of Fili’s face, and eagerly kissed him. With his heart about to beat out of his chest, Kili laid Fili down rolling over on top of him as the two never parted, letting their tongues fight for dominance. Lying on top of this gorgeous blond here on the beach listening to the waves rushing in and out, Kili couldn’t believe how hard Fili was for him already feeling his stiff cock pressed against his own. The moment felt right, and he began to really want more from this man beneath him. 

When Kili started kissing his way down Fili’s jawline to his neck, Fili finally realized this had already gone too far when the brunet began to suck a mark into his skin. “Oh fuck! Kili, stop! What am I doing?” Pushing up on all fours, Kili crawled away from the blond. “What’s wrong?”

“Frerin! I’m with Frerin! How did I let this happen? I never should have even come down here with you!” Trying to straighten his jacket and clothes, hoping his hard-on would go away quickly before he re-entered the hotel, the blond awkwardly stood staggering from the alcohol. “Shit I drank too much! You did this on purpose, didn’t you?” 

Stunned at the accusation, Kili’s mouth dropped open. He had done some underhanded stunts before, but he never intended to get Fili drunk. They drank the same amount, and he wasn’t half as wasted as the blond was now. “What? No! Fili, I swear I just wanted someone to talk and drink with you for a little bit! We weren’t down here _that_ long!”

“You brought me down here to get me drunk hoping I’ll royally fuck up tomorrow, I see what you’re doing! I should’ve listened to Frerin!” Sitting on the blanket in the sand watching the only potential friend he almost had leave him in anger, Kili felt truly alone. 

~`~

Race day. Frerin sat on the end of the hotel bed waiting for Fili to get up. “What were you thinking?” Rolling over in bed, Fili wasn’t ready to discuss his evening on the beach drinking with Kili. “Not now Frerin.” The older blond crawled back up the mattress to lie next to Fili, brushing his unruly curls back trying to find his face. 

“Are you alright?” If the pounding in his head was normal, then Fili was great. “Dwalin’s going to kill me.” He grumbled reaching out to grab Frerin’s arm, he pulled himself against his concerned boyfriend. “I’ll be alright.” Lack of sleep was Frerin’s reason for not feeling well this morning either.

“Why did you go with him?” _‘Frerin knows’_ Fili worried what Frerin had been thinking about him drinking with Kili. “I was on my balcony when I saw you and Kili go down to the beach together.” Fili sighed knowing he had to tell him the truth. “Believe it or not, I felt sorry for him. He seemed like he really needed someone to hang out with. I just drank way too much too fast, and when I realized it, I came inside.”

Trying to let it go, Frerin nuzzled into his boyfriend’s neck. “Frerin, do you think I could stay with you tonight?” Rubbing Fili’s back, he was only trying to relax him. “I thought we were taking this slow…because…” Fili didn’t mean anything by it, he just wanted to spend more time with his boyfriend. 

They were suddenly interrupted by someone pounding on the hotel room door. “Oh for the love of…who is it?” Frerin shouted only to hear a female voice demanding he open his door.

“Go away Dis!” Frerin growled obscenities into his pillow. “Fucking sister…she’s worse than Thranduil…” Fili reluctantly pulled away from his aggravated boyfriend. “It’s alright…we both need to get up.” Frerin went to the door only to have Dis follow him into the room running her mouth. “You should have been downstairs a half…what’s Fili doing in your bed?”

Stretched out across the bed, Fili just waved and slowly got up, pulling on some clothes. “It’s alright Dis. I was just leaving.” Frerin gave Fili a hug and a quick kiss before he left the room. Silent awkward stare were exchanged between siblings. “I haven’t _slept_ with him. Don’t give me that look.”

“How long have you two been together?” Frerin rolled his eyes and went into the bathroom. “Officially I guess a couple days, but we’ve been talking to get to know one another better for about a month.” He could hear the concern even in his sister’s sigh. “I’m alright Dis.” Dis couldn’t rid herself from feeling protective of her brother. “You don’t need to be in another relationship with anybody so soon.” 

~`~

Thorin’s crew chief, Nori kept an eye on Kili. Something about the boy seemed off. The usually overly self-confident young driver appeared to be overwhelmed with anxiety. Kili’s feeble attempts to mask his nervousness wasn’t getting by Nori. The brunet driver signed autographs and posed for pictures with star struck, flirty young female fans wandering around the garage area with their pit passes. 

The only time he seemed to be completely normal and relaxed was when he was chatting with the media who absolutely adored the young driver, they couldn’t get enough of him. Being the new kid on the circuit, the media knew he had everything going for him. Kili was good-looking, charismatic, and full of boundless energy, always ready and willing to talk to reports. Thorin had no problem selling him to their sponsors either for they loved how marketable he could be. This kid had all the right stuff to be number one. Already well-known in his racing division as the top driver, everyone was anticipating big things for this kid in his rookie season.

Feeling pressure to be the best was not placed upon Kili by Thorin, his team or sponsors, but himself. No time for losers, he needed to be the best. “Hey, Kee…how’re you doing?” Handing the driver a sports drink, he noticed how the boy’s hand was shaking. “I’m fine. I didn’t sleep much last night. Guess I was too wound up about the race today.” With a nod, Nori placed the bottle in his hand. “You’ll be fine. Listen to your spotters, listen to me, and do whatever Thorin tells you, and I’m sure you’ll do great out there today.” 

Thorin found a private place for him to speak with his driver, making sure he was alright. "You've already come a long way over the past few days of practice here. I'm very confident you're going to do just fine. Obviously I would want you to win, but I'll be satisfied with you doing your best for me." Kili let it slip from his lips feeling ashamed. "I'm nervous, Thorin. I've never been nervous starting a race." The older confident car owner shocked himself when he tried to comfort his driver. He only meant to give Kili a hug, but before he pulled too far away from him, he pulled him closer again catching his lips with his own. Not sure who was more shocked at his action. Kili lingered for a moment, then walked away not wanting this moment to become too strange or awkward between them. 

Strapping on his many safety restraints, Thorin leaned inside the car to make sure he was alright. Before Kili flipped down the visor of his helmet, Thorin tried to apologize. "I'm sorry for that back there." Shaking his head, he replied, "Don't be...we're good." Flipping down his visor, Thorin hooked the window safety net and hopped back over the pit wall. 

As the minutes ticked away, Kili continued to hold his head high portraying confidence, but inside he was screaming. Sitting here in a perfectly tuned race car on one of the world's most famous racetracks, with millions of people watching on television, not to mention the thousands crowded into the stands and in-field here in person. This was it. It was the biggest moment of his life to date when he heard those famous words "Drivers! Start, your, engines!..."


	4. During and After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Kili's first race out of the way, Thorin has noticed a different side to his driver wanting to know more about him.

You could feel the energy in the air when the roar of just over forty engines fired at the same time. The brightly painted race cars rumbled onto the track following the pace car picking up speed. Kili was in his element again. Feeling in control of such an incredibly fast and powerful machine was the next best thing to sex in his mind. The only thing better was winning a race, and this young gun had every intention of winning this one.

As the pace car ducked into pit road, the green flag dropped and the cars thundered around the track. Fili tried his best to hold onto first place as long as possible, but he couldn’t hold off last year’s champion, Bilbo for long. Just after the half-way mark of the race, Fili wasn't feeling well, and continued to fall back in the pack. Not entirely due to his physical decline, but some engine troubles and a blown tire hinder his chances to finish in the top ten.

Being one of the longest races of the season, Thorin had to continuously remind his driver to keep his cool and to be patient. No need to be the leader so early on. Kili did everything Thorin’s way as long as he could take it, but his patience was wearing thin. Going into the last few laps of the race he thought he saw an opportunity to make a move to advance disregarding warnings from his car owner to stay where he was. 

Passing Frerin, Kili had his sights set on making his way into first place. “Oh my god, Thorin! What is he doing?” Nori shouted freaking out, afraid to watch as their driver drove his car down low trying to pass the two cars on his right making it three wide in the turn. “He can’t do that in that turn!” 

Thorin held his breath hoping the car would hold on long enough to get through the turn without drifting up into Aragorn’s car. Being at the front of the pack, if those two cars tangled, most of the field would get caught in their wreck.

Kili was able to keep his car under control without bumping anyone, but he couldn’t hold on long enough to vie for first or even second place now. Drifting back to third place was as good as it was going to get seeing the white flag with one lap to go as Bilbo, Aragorn and Kili took the checkered flag consecutively. 

Placing third for the rookie’s first run in one of their toughest races of the year impressed everyone how well he handled himself considering his attitude, and how reckless he had been in practice. This kid most definitely had what it would take to become one of the leaders for the championship if he continued to drive like he did this day. 

Many drivers showed their support stopping by to congratulate Kili and their team. Of course, Aragorn was the first to shake his hand as the two of them were ushered into a golf cart being whisked away for television interviews. Then a stream of other drivers stopped by briefly, notably Fili and Frerin, then Faramir, Boromir, Legolas, Éomer and Bard, as well as the only two female drivers, Tauriel and Éowyn. 

Turning to Nori, Kili felt overwhelmed by all the attention, but was truly loving it. "You would've thought, I was the one who won the race! Why is everyone congratulating me on placing third?" Nori laughed and slapped the naïve young man on the back. "No one believed you'd finish the race today much less finish third! This is a long, hard race you've never run before, rookie! You showed everyone what you can do, kid!" 

~`~

Standing some distance away, Thorin let his team celebrate watching his spirited driver smile, drinking in the attention. Kili may have been an arrogant little shit, but somewhere inside him was a young man yearning for attention. No matter how he tried to hide it, Thorin could see beyond the attitude and swagger he possessed, Kili was searching for relief from something that troubled him.

Surrounded by his crew celebrating his first national stock car race, and the media rushing in for interviews, Kili saw Thorin across the way watching him smiling proudly. Just between them, the third place driver gave his car owner an inconspicuous nod and coy smile.

Once the frenzy of the media had died down, and people began to disperse from Bilbo’s camp, Thorin found his way over to congratulate the race winner. Gandalf saw Bilbo’s admirer coming his way. “Congratulations on a great finish, Thorin!” 

With much enthusiasm and sincerity, Thorin congratulated them as well. “Thank you, Gandalf, and congratulations to your team on your first win! Bilbo was on point as always.” The two shook hands looking around for the race winner. “Bilbo was focused and determined to win, but it sure looked like your boy was certainly determined as well.” 

Dipping his head, Thorin knew exactly what Gandalf was pointing out. “He’s young and still learning. We’ve all made some risky moves in our day even as veteran drivers.” Gandalf conceded knowing he was just as guilty of making risky moves like Kili did vying for the lead when he was a driver. 

Bilbo finally got away from the last of the reporters to visit with Thorin. The two chatted for quite a while before they both had to finish packing up to leave the track. Bilbo knew he wouldn’t be able to see his handsome desire again for a few more days, but they had to hit the road to get to the next racetrack on the circuit. 

“I’m sorry it seems we can’t seem to find much time to spend together.” Bilbo had doubts their relationship would ever truly blossom. Maybe he should have taken Thorin up on his offer to driver for him, then they would’ve been together all the time. Like Kili was now.

“Thorin…this isn’t going to work…is it?” Feeling his heart begin to sink, Bilbo knew he spoke the truth. Thorin didn’t want to give up on them so soon, but their relationship had been doomed from the start. “Can’t we continue to try to make it work?” 

Running his fingers through his blond curls, Bilbo sighed. “I don’t want to give up either, but we never have time for us. Last year was great when you weren’t running your own team. You had more free time, and was able to ride along with us from track to track, but you have to babysit Kili now.” Instantly, the blond put his hand to his mouth, and apologized. “I-I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just, he is your responsibility now, and…”

With the wave of a hand, Thorin didn’t need to hear anymore. “I understand what you’re saying.” Turning away, he didn’t get far before he walked back to Bilbo and gave him a hug. “Maybe someday we’ll be able to work things out.” Bilbo just realized he basically just broke up with the one man he wanted for so many years even before Thorin’s divorce, and began to doubt his reasons for doing so watching him walk away disappearing through the garages.

~`~

It was late in the evening when the team had packed up their things to head Thorin’s race shop about five miles from this track. They had other shops around the country for convenience, but this was their home base. Even though the shop wasn’t far away, it took longer than it should with all the traffic filing out of the racetrack. Kili was grateful for a ride in Thorin’s plush motorhome. Time to kick back and relax for the first time since he opened his eyes early this morning as he reclined the seat to get comfortable. 

Feeling his eyelids getting heavy, Kili knew he couldn’t fight drifting off to sleep any longer, but before he dozed off, he told Thorin softly, “Thank you.” Thorin wasn’t sure for what though. “For what? You’re the one that did all the hard work maneuvering the car on the track, you know.” The brunet slightly shook his head. “Not the race. You. You’ve been the father I wish I would’ve had.”

Thorin wanted to chat with his driver to understand what exactly he meant, but they moved through traffic in silence when he realized Kili had gone to sleep. For once the kid wasn’t running his mouth. He was quiet and peaceful, and as Thorin watched him sleep, he actually looked _innocent_. 

All the months working together since he formed his team, Thorin never really spent time talking with Kili to know him personally. They discussed building the race car, how the car handled, race strategies, when and where he would do interviews with reporters or television story coverages, and shared racing stories of their past, but never once did Thorin take the time to get to know Kili. Never one did he ask about his personal life, to find out who he really was.

 _‘Is this why I’ve become so attached to him? Sometimes he seems so lost. I wonder why.’_ Thorin wasn’t sure how to take the ‘father’ comment because he wasn’t old enough to be Kili’s father, but it warmed his heart to know the kid appreciated him and all he had done for him. There was no denying Thorin was much older than his driver, but not so old that he thought it strange to have such feelings of affection for him. 

Kili had teased him in the past, but Thorin still wasn't sure if he was literally teasing him, or if his driver had a mutual attraction for him. Now that Bilbo had broken up with him, Thorin wondered if he could relax around Kili enough to test the waters. Never doubting his own ability to flirt, something about Kili left him feeling a bit apprehensive about trying. 

Somewhere around midnight after parking the RV at his shop, Thorin who had been watching Kili sleep in the passenger seat across from him, saw his driver begin to wake up. "What time is it?" Kili rubbed his eyes looking around. "It's late. Do you want to sleep here in the RV?" With a nod the brunet tried to snuggle back into a comfortable position in the seat. "Kili, you can sleep in the bed. You don't have to sleep in this seat." Without moving he asked, "How far away is the bed? I'm really comfortable right here." 

Thorin took his hand to follow him toward the back of the vehicle, but stopped before they made it to the bedroom. "Kili...I need to know something..." Brushing the sleepy man's long dark hair from his face, Thorin's touch stirred him awake to listen as he leaned into the older man's palm holding his stubble bearded face. "Did you mean it when you asked me if I would fuck you if you won the race, or were you just teasing me?" Kili was wide awake now wondering why this was a question the car owner needed an answer to right at this moment. "Thorin, I was drinking..." Shaking his head he jest. Thorin got the answer to his question. Slowly removing his hand from Kili's face, he made a gesture toward the back of the motorhome. "The bed is in there. I'll sleep on the couch. I'll see you in the morning."


	5. Watch Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dis talks to Fili about Frerin.  
> Sorry or not sorry - This chapter is mostly Kili and Thorin having sex for the first time.

Frerin sat alone in his hotel room looking out the window watching the rain fall. Waiting for Fili to return his text, he looked down at his forearms. It was a dark time in his life that left the scars that reminded himself daily of a time when he tried to relieve the pain that tore him apart inside. Maybe his brother and sister were right, he thought. Maybe he shouldn’t get involved in another relationship so soon after the last one. 

_‘Are you coming to my room?’_

Receiving Fili’s response to his text, he began to question their relationship. Maybe he shouldn’t be in a relationship with him, though he genuinely cared for Fili. 

_‘I’m almost done. I’ll be there in a few minutes.’_

As Fili walked down the hallway of the hotel toward Frerin’s room, he saw Dis come out of her room. Instantly he turned to walk in the other direction until he heard the woman try to stop him. “Fili, wait! Please…” She wasn’t his sister, and didn’t feel the need to discuss anything with her.

“Fili, I like you so don't take this the wrong way, but…” Fili shoved his hands into his jean pockets, and rolled his eyes. “…do you know anything about Frerin?” With a nod, the blond looked her in the eye to answer honestly. “Yes. Enough to know he’s had some issues. That’s why I’m perfectly cool with us not…you know.”

The young woman tucked a strand of dark hair behind her ear, and cleared her throat. She didn’t mean to get too personal, but she felt it was important Fili knew what he was getting involved with. “So he told you he has addictive personality disorder?” Fili didn’t feel right discussing Frerin’s issues with her.

“Yes. I don’t really understand it, but I like Frerin enough to take things slow like he asked of to. I’m happy just being with him. We don’t need to have sex. He also told me about how depressed he got when he was injured in that crash years ago, and couldn’t race and got addicted to his pain killers...and how he...took out his frustrations on his boyfriend.”

Dis accepted the knowledge Frerin had confessed some of his troubled past with him, but still wasn’t alright with it. “Yes. That’s when he took a turn for the worst. After the drug addiction, he became addicted to sex. He and his last boyfriend used to fight so much over his cheating. I was afraid one of them was going to kill the other. His relationships never lasted, and he would...hurt himself."

Fili knew she was referring to Frerin cutting because he had seen his scars. As far as he knew, his boyfriend hadn't done that in a long time. Looking away with much anguish, she hoped Fili would reconsider being with Frerin. “I can’t promise he won’t cheat on you, Fili. Thorin and I tried to convince him that he needs to stay single. At least for now.” 

Fili shook his head. “I promised him we wouldn’t do anything until he’s ready. Maybe this is what he needs. Maybe I can help him.” Dis wasn’t sharing her brother’s boyfriend’s optimism about Frerin’s disorder, but there wasn’t much more she could do to stop two grown men from doing what they wanted. “Just be careful…both of you.”

After Dis disappeared into the elevator, Fili knocked on his boyfriend's hotel room door. “What took you so long?” Frerin gave Fili a quick kiss. “I…I ran into someone in the hall, and we chatted for a little bit.” Frerin didn’t need to know who exactly he chatted with. "What movie did you want to watch?" Fili picked up the remote turning on the television following Frerin onto the bed. "I don't care what you watch. I want to watch you." Fili furrowed his brow. "What do you mean, _watch me_?" 

Frerin leaned over to touch his boyfriend's soft golden curls, and kiss him as his hand drifted down his chest to his hip. Giving his hip a squeeze, Fili pulled away when Frerin's hand moved toward the zipper of his jeans. "Frerin, no." The older blond felt rejected, and a little angry about it. "Don't you want to have sex with me?" In all sincerity, Fili probably wanted Frerin more than he wanted him at the moment, but he was going to respect their earlier decision to wait for a long time. "I do, but we agreed to wait." 

~`~

Two more weeks, two more races complete. After finishing toward the end of the field in the last two races, Kili was not happy. Here in the fourth week of the season, he was exceptionally pissed off when someone ran him into the wall ending his run for the win early. 

“Who was that? Who knocked me into the wall?” Once his mangled car was parked in the garage area, his only consolation was the driver that wrecked him, also wrecked ending his day as well, but that didn’t stop the irate young driver. He went looking for Dwalin. 

“Everybody bitched about me thinking I drove carelessly when I took out a couple cars last week, what about your reckless rookie driver, Dwalin?” The very large, intimidating car owner looked down at the raging brunet driver from his seat high above those below. “Legolas blew a tire and ran into you! Get over it!”

Thorin caught up to his driver pulling him back to their area. “Kili, he really did blow a tire. It could’ve happened to anybody. Legolas wasn’t trying to knock you out of the race. His day is done too.” The brunet pulled the band from his hair letting it fall around his shoulders staring at Thorin with a pouty look. “Can I go to your RV?” With a nod, the car owner walked with his driver to unlock the vehicle for him. “We’re packing up and as soon as the race is over, we’ll leave for our shop.”

As soon as Thorin left, Kili found a bottle of whiskey he hid a few days ago, and drank until he felt too sleepy to stay awake any longer. After hiding his bottle, he fell asleep on the bed not waking until many hours later when they were parked at their satellite shop. Feeling hot and sweaty, he thought about taking a shower, but he wanted to find Thorin first.

Thorin was putting a few things away in the dark garage, only a few lights from the hallway lit the large open room shadowing one complete race car, and one mangled. Kili watched him through the glass window from the darken tool room which he entered through the open side door. 

Apparently Thorin had been working up a sweat for he was shirtless, and for the first time ever Kili saw how very muscular and what fine physical shape his boss was in. Seeing Thorin’s muscles bunch as he lifted a few heavy boxes gave Kili reason to think twice about the older man he looked up to. 

Thinking he heard something from the tool room, Thorin walked over to look, but no one was there. He hoped Kili would wake up soon to help him with a couple things so they could leave first thing in the morning. Just as he made his way back into the garage, his driver entered the garage through the tool room slowly walking toward him.

Kili unzipped his racing uniform and began to peel it off rolling it down to his hips before pulling off the sweaty t-shirt beneath. The seductive looks he was giving Thorin made the older man’s cock twitch with anticipation and want for his young driver. “Isn't this what you’ve been wanting?” 

Thorin’s blue eyes darken with lust restraining himself. “Are you teasing me again?” Kili bit his lower lip moving closer to him rubbing his hand across Thorin’s strong muscular chest before sliding his long fingers up the man’s neck to grasp his long dark hair. “Fuck me right here on the hood of this car…I don’t fucking care if you put a dent in it, I’ll pay for it. Just fuck me Thorin. Fuck me hard…I know you want to…” 

There was no time to think, just act and react as their lips and warm bodies crashed together. Thorin instantly grabbed Kili’s ass pulling him even tighter against himself while he fisted a handful of Kili’s long hair in his other hand. 

With a feral growl Thorin lifted the boy onto the hood of the race car and licked the salty sweat from his navel to the tip of his chin. Looking into his dark hazel eyes, he began pushing down on Kili’s uniform as the younger squirmed out of it for him. Kili had discreetly retrieved a small tube of lube and condom he had hidden in a concealed pocket of his uniform without Thorin noticing. “I’m going to fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk when I’m done with you…” The brunet smiled wickedly handing him the lube, and snorted. “I don’t believe you…you’re gonna have to prove it to me…” Thorin removed what little bit of clothing he had been wearing to palm himself just a little more so he could roll on the condom and lube himself generously before coating his fingers. 

While Thorin was fingering his lover, Kili rolled his head to the side and caught sight of someone in the next room. Through the glass window separating the tool room from the garage, he saw it was Fili half hidden behind a toolbox. Fili’s instinct was to look away, turn away, walk away to give them privacy, but he saw how Kili’s eyes were now connecting with his wanting, begging him to watch. 

The brunet spread his legs wider as he moaned and groaned loudly with pleasure feeling Thorin’s fingers digging deeper, twisting and stretching him. His expressions became very animated putting on a show for Fili’s pleasure as much as his own seeing how the blond was reacting to him writhing on the hood of the car. 

Thorin crawled over his young lover looking ever so strong and virile. “I’ve wanted you so badly, Kili…” The older man ghosted his fingers over Kili aching erection. “Fuck me hard, Thorin…I want to feel every inch of you fucking my ass as hard as you can…” 

Fili watched Thorin’s large shaft slowly being thrust into the willing brunet draped across the hood of the race car rolling his hips up taking him into himself deeper and deeper each time he bucked up. The blond dipped his hand into his own briefs to palm himself using the same rhythm as the lovers he watched feeling the same intensity they felt as Kili looked to him and licked his lips sensually while Thorin bit and sucked his skin along his neck and shoulder anticipating the moment Thorin was ready to really fuck him.

That moment came faster than he expected when the older brunet took him by the wrists and held him down pounding him harder, faster and deeper. It seemed no matter what he did, no matter what angle, it wasn’t enough. Thorin wanted Kili to beg him to stop, but instead he begged for more. “Fucking god, Thorin, harder!” He pushed up, pulling out of his lover. “Get on your knees!” 

Obeying the command, the brunet quickly moved into position and presented himself to his older man. “Come on, Thorin, fuck me senseless…make me cum all over this car!” Sliding his large engorged cock back into his lovers hot channel, Thorin slapped his hands onto Kili’s hips anchoring himself and began hammering his ass even harder than before. 

Not moving as fast but burying himself as deep as he could go. He reached under Kili and took his rock hard erection into his hand, and stroked him with increasing speed rubbing his thumb over the head of his cock with just the right touch making his lover’s orgasm explode over the car. 

Seeing the strings of white cum spurting from Kili’s cock, caused Fili to cum with his own warm seed covering his hand. Standing there on shaking legs, he continued to watch until Thorin emptied his load until his insatiable lover. Kili knew at the very moment Fili came. He gave him a very erotic smile, licking his lips again, and bit his lower lip before closing his eyes panting heavily.

“Come for me Thorin…” Gazing downward watching his own swollen cock sliding in and out of his exotic lovers gaping hole, he finally found his release still thrusting into the brunet while he rode out his aftershocks. 

They both wanted to collapse on the car, but slowly moved off the hood to embrace leaning against the machine. Their lustful eyes met, and they shared a very sensual kiss remaining in the moment a little longer. Kili looked toward the glass window. Fili was gone. 


	6. No Regrets Yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reunions and there will be future regrets.

Bilbo wanted to relax in the hotel hot tub, and wasn’t expecting company at this late hour. It had been four weeks since he and Thorin decided not to continue trying to build their relationship. For a moment the curly haired blond thought about leaving when he noticed Thorin’s eyes were closed as he leaned back in the steamy water.

“Don’t leave.” Hearing the deep rich voice that was uniquely Thorin's that always made him melt, kept Bilbo from walking away. A tiny smile tugged at his lips. “You don’t mind if I join you?” Lifting his head to peer at him with those sapphire eyes, Bilbo couldn’t leave now if he wanted to. “I want you to join me. Talk to me, please. I’ve been feeling kind of lonely lately.”

Bilbo slid into the hot bubbling waters not too far from Thorin. “How could you be lonely with Kili around?” The little blond tried to be facetious, but didn’t realize what a touchy subject Thorin’s young driver was to him at the moment.

“We haven’t spoken much in the past few days.” There was an awkward silence for a few moments as Bilbo tried to figure out what to say next. “Thorin…are you, I mean is Kili…is there something going on between you two?” No need to beat around the bush.

Thorin dropped his head with a sigh. “No…there is _nothing_ between us. He is my driver and that is all…”

~`~

Kili had a chance meeting with Fili in the hotel lobby. It was the first time he saw Fili since the night he caught him watching him and Thorin at the garage. The blond tried to hurry onto the elevator to evade the brunet, but the other was too quick. 

Now instead of getting away from Kili, he was trapped awkwardly alone in the elevator with him. "Have you and Frerin, done it yet?" "What?" Fili choked. "I’ve heard you two were taking it slow, so...have you two..." Fili stared at the illuminated elevator buttons wishing the doors would open to his floor quickly. "That's none of your business." 

Kili was wound up this evening baiting the blond. "I like Frerin. I want to make a bet with you." Fili didn't like the sound of this, but curiosity made him ask anyway. "What kind of a bet?" The elevator finally made it to Fili's floor, and as the blond stepped out so did Kili. "I'll bet you, I can bed Frerin before you can. If I can't, I get you instead." Fili snorted and shook his head raising his voice. "You are despicable!" 

Kili laughed, but he wasn't joking about his bet. He wanted Fili. "Don’t you think you’d win my bet? I would think he'd want you before me, after all he is _your_ boyfriend! What's the matter with you two anyway? Can't one of you get it up? Uh, no wait...I know _you_ can..." Fili was done with this conversation as he turned and walked toward his room ignoring the brunet until Kili stood right behind him at his hotel room door watching the blond pull out his card to unlock the door.

Whispering in Fili’s ear, Kili knew he had him right where he wanted him. "I saw you watching us in the garage the other night. I know what you were doing even if you thought you were hiding from my sight..." Dropping his head, the blond couldn’t deny it. "I'm sorry I watched. It was wrong, and I shouldn’t have."

Fili startled at Kili’s touch tracing his fingers across the small of his back. “You haven’t stopped thinking about our night on the beach, have you? I know you really wanted to stay with me. The way you were sucking on my finger, hmm, I could only image how amazing my cock would feel you your hot mouth…” 

Having tried to shove the memory of that night to the back of his mind wasn’t working now. Not having sex with Frerin was making it harder to ward off his lustful feelings for Kili, and the brunet’s suggestive ways wasn’t making it any easier no matter what he thought of him. Fili had shut his eyes imagining the visuals Kili was giving him only to have his sexual daydream shattered hearing Frerin’s voice. 

“What’s going on here?” Frerin thought the two looked rather guilty the way they jumped at his presence standing beside unexpectedly. This was quite a dilemma for all of them. Frerin was jealous of Kili spending time with Fili, and Fili was jealous of Kili wanting Frerin though Kili had no intentions of going after Frerin. Loving the attention and watching how he could affect others by teasing them was part of his game. Kili was motivated by his need for self-gratification, though he had developed a soft-spot for Fili. He genuinely cared about him.

“Hey Frerin.” Frerin wasn’t falling for the Kili’s cocky grin. He was up to something as usual. “I ran into Kili on the elevator, and we got to talking about something, just wanted to finish our conversation.” Fili’s explanation sounded logical, but the older blond didn’t like them being alone together regardless. Realizing this was getting uncomfortable for all prompted Kili to excuse himself making a quick departure. 

Frerin followed Fili into his room, and before the door barely had time to close Frerin had Fili pinned against the wall squeezing his wrists tightly in his fists. Feeling his warm breath against his lips, Fili shuddered. “I can’t stop thinking about how much I want you, Fili.” 

The younger male looked at his boyfriend with concern how rough and aggressive he was being with him. “Not like this…let go, you’re hurting me…” Instantly hearing Fili tell him he was hurting him. Frerin released his boyfriend’s wrist and gathered him in his arms, pressing kisses into his golden curls then holding his face to kiss his lips apologizing. “I’m so sorry, Fili! I’m sorry…I don’t ever want to hurt you…”

Feeling it may be against better judgment, Fili gave into his own desire to give himself to Frerin leading the older blond to the bed. “If you’re sure you’re ready, then so am I…but” Unbuttoning Frerin’s shirt, Fili kissed Frerin's broad chest as he worked to undo the last button, he began to unbuckle his belt and unzip his jeans. “I want you to make love to me.” In the most loving way possible holding his muscular little blond, Frerin smiled giving Fili a sweet languid kiss lying him back on the bed. “I promise I’ll take my time with you making sure I do everything _really_ slow to pleasure you in _every_ way baby…”

~`~

Much later that evening long after qualifying, Kili knocked on Thorin’s hotel room door. Expecting his car owner to answer, he was speechless when Bilbo opened the door. “Kili, hey, hi, uh...Thorin’s in the shower. Is there something I can help you with?” The brunet just shook his head. “Uh, no. I-I’ll talk to him later.” After he walked away, Kili wasn’t sure how he felt about Bilbo being in Thorin’s room. He shouldn’t feel anything, but for the first time in his life, he knew what it felt like to be _jealous_ over another person.

To get away and try to rid himself of that unwanted feeling, he went to the hotel lounge and ordered a drink. If no one was there to drink with, he already had plans to go back to his room where a bottle would be waiting. Three drinks in, someone unexpected joined him at the bar. “Legolas…surprised to see you here.” 

The blond rookie ordered a drink for both of them. “I wanted to relax for a bit. Seeing you here was the first time I had a chance to tell you how sorry I am about wrecking you last week.” Kili grinned. “It’s all good. I was hot about it when it happened, but everyone told me you blew a tire, and I saw the replay. No worries.”

“I’ve heard you have a fierce temper.” Legolas took a drink squishing the liquor around inside his glass. “Maybe. I…I don’t like to lose.” The blond laughed. “No one wants to lose.” Kili became very serious. “No…I mean I _really_ don’t like to lose. I’ve been second best my entire life, and I finally made a name for myself in my old division. I need to win. I’m not happy here Legolas.”

Kili almost spilled his drink when someone from behind him whispered in his ear. “What’re you doing beautiful?” Panting and holding his chest, the brunet wanted to punch him for startling him. “Frerin! For fuck sake, why do you keep sneaking up on me like that?”

Frerin laughed and seated himself on the other side of him at the bar ordering drinks for all three of them. “I like to see you breathing heavy.” Twenty-four hours ago Frerin gave Kili the impression he was going to kick his ass if he didn’t get away from Fili, now he’s flirting with him. “Where’s Fili?” Frerin sobered quickly. “Who the fuck cares where his is?” 

The brunet took a drink trying to figure out why the sudden change in attitude. Frerin threw an arm around his shoulder. “Do you want to go out and have some fun?” Kili was always ready for fun, but there was warning signs flashing everywhere right now that even he could see. “N-not tonight. Maybe another time. I’m just going to sit here for a while before I head up to…see Thorin.” 

“Right. You’re being my big brother’s good little boy now. Are you afraid he might spank you if you don’t listen to him?” The blond laughed, though he inadvertently gave Kili something to think about. “Maybe I’d like that.” Frerin cocked an eyebrow questioningly. “Are you doing my brother?” 

When Kili wouldn’t answer him or look at him, Frerin walked over to stand next to Legolas. “How about you, gorgeous? Want to go out and have some fun with me?” Legolas furrowed his brow and looked to Kili for some help but wasn’t going to get any from him. “Frerin, did you forget my dad is your car owner? We have to race tomorrow.”

Without hesitation but feeling regret may follow, Kili spoke up. “I’ll go with you…as long as we can take 'Jack' with us..” Frerin returned Kili's sly grin. 

~`~

Miles out of town, Frerin parked his rental car in a dark spot at a rest stop away from any other vehicles around. "Give me that bottle." Kili pulled the whiskey bottle from his jacket and handed it to Frerin who immediately began taking long drinks as if he were drinking water. "Damn, Frerin, slow down! I don't want to have to drive us back to the hotel, I don't know where we are!" The blond laughed handing him the bottle. "That's what the GPS is for." Kili took the bottle, and started to take a drink when he felt Frerin's warm hand running up his thigh. "What are you doing?"

"Said we could have some fun, and I'm ready." The brunet went ahead and took a swig from the bottle and wiped his lips with the back of his hand never taking his eyes off Frerin. "What about Fili?" The blond smirked. "He's been well fucked and satisfied, but I'm not." Kili liked Frerin well enough, as a friend and someone to drink with, but he wasn't interested in him that way, he had only teased him and joked about it.

Frerin wasn't happy about being rejected, but he backed off. The two continued to drink until neither one could barely remember their own name. Unfortunately, they exited the rental car, and began wandering around the rest area. They were together for a while, but at some point in the night they were separated. Kili found his way back to the car and fell into the passenger seat. _'Need to get back home. Where's Frerin?'_ His head was spinning, and he had no idea where he was. _'Home...Dad's going to kill us when we get home...'_

Rudely awaken by cold air rushing into the car, Kili felt a firm hand shaking him, followed by the sounds of police radios. Slowly opening his eyes trying to clear his blurry vision, the brunet tried to sit up to remember what happened when he saw a police officer in his face. "Do you know someone named, Frerin Oakenshield?" 


	7. Second Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin gives his brother and driver hell for the trouble they got into. Frerin and Kili learn a little about one another.

There wasn’t words to describe how angry Thorin was with his driver and his brother for having to bail them out of jail at six a.m. on a race day for public intoxication. Thorin forgot he was in a police station for a moment when he reached out and jerked Kili up by his shirt shouting at him. 

“Didn’t I tell you to stay away from Frerin?” A police officer standing nearby quickly subdued the angry man. Kili stumbled backwards falling back into his chair when Thorin released his grip on him.

“They said someone beat the shit out of Frerin! What were you thinking? Kili, anything could’ve happened to you!” As exasperated as Thorin was, there was a strange look on his face Kili had never seen before. It wasn’t just anger, it was concern and worry.

“I’m sorry, Thorin!” Putting his face in his hands leaning his elbows on his knees, Kili felt shame having Thorin so angry with him though he found his anger strangely comforting. It meant he actually _cared_ about him. 

As Frerin left the holding cell, he was given his personal belongings, and was escorted to the locked automatic door to release him. Knowing who would be waiting for him when the door opened, he considered asking to be returned to the holding cell. 

Throwing up a hand to silence Thorin certainly didn’t stop his elder brother from getting in his cut and bruised face. “Drunk and disorderly? Truckers Frerin? You thought it was a good idea to fight truck drivers at a rest stop in the middle of the night?” Frerin looked at Kili still slumped over in his chair trying to remember what exactly happened to them.

“Frerin, I’m not telling Thranduil about this. You are!” Pacing back and forth, strangled noises replaced words before he growled at them. “Let’s go. Not that we have anything to be in a hurry for. Neither one of you are going to be allowed to race today.” Offering a hand to Kili, Thorin helped his hung-over charge to his feet. Seeing how wrecked he looked, he didn’t know if he wanted to hug him or strangle him. 

“Why were you two drinking so much the night before a race in the first place? You’re not allowed to drink at all twelve hours before a race!” Kili and Frerin still never responded to anything Thorin said as he reprimanded them both on the long car ride back to the hotel. 

~`~

“Oh fucking god help me…” Frerin was met by his lovingly irate sister in the lobby of the hotel. “…Thorin, get her away from me, please!” If her brother hadn’t already been beaten, Dis would have tried to beat some sense into him. 

Thorin shook his head. “You’ll get what you deserve.” Putting an arm around Kili, the wiser brother took his boy to his room for some much needed rest. 

“Thorin…I really am sorry.” Kili didn’t know what else to say other than to apologize repeatedly. The brunet closed his hotel room curtain and flopped like a ragdoll onto the bed. Offering to help him out of his clothes, Thorin didn’t want his driver to get the wrong impression.

“You may sleep better if you’re not reeking of alcohol.” Helping the brunet out of his boots, he got him to sit up long enough to pull his jacket and tee shirt off. “Umm…do you need help with your, uh…jeans?”

Kili shook his head. “I’m good…Thorin? Could you lay with me, just for a little bit? The room is spinning.” Though Thorin knew he had much to tend to, he couldn’t deny Kili’s plea for attention. 

Lying next to him there in the darken room lit only by the bathroom light, Thorin brushed Kili’s long bangs back only to find his big doe eyes staring back at him so sad. _‘How can a twenty-two year old melt my heart like he’s such an innocent child?’_ Thorin couldn’t help the tiny smile tugging at his lips.

“I’ll take care of the media. I’ll find a sub to drive your car today. Will you be alright alone here today?” When he didn’t hear a response, Thorin peeked under the long rave hair that had fallen over Kili’s face again to find he had fallen fast asleep. The older man gently pushed away from him, giving his boy a chaste kiss on the head before he covered him and left the room.

~`~

Frerin on-the-other-hand wasn’t being treated so kindly by his sister or boyfriend. Dis lit into him until Fili showed up. Once she had said her peace, she left the room so her brother and boyfriend could speak in private. 

“Are you going to make me feel like a piece of shit too?” Frerin held a bag of ice on his face as he laid down on his bed waiting for Fili to berate him like his sister just did.

“No. I only want to know why. Why did get so drunk with Kili? I thought you told _me_ to stay away from him. I thought you didn’t even like him.” The blond was concerned about Frerin’s actions for many reasons. 

The stare of Fili’s blue eyes felt cold and distant to Frerin. “I'm sorry, Fili...I’d rather you yell at me.”

Just as the younger blond was about to sit with his boyfriend on the bed, someone pounded on the door. “I’ll get it.” Opening the door, Fili wasn’t surprised to see who Frerin’s new visitor was. “Thranduil…come on in. I was just leaving.”

~`~

As the morning hours passed in slumber for Kili and Frerin not waking until a few hours past noon. Kili found enough energy to make his way to Frerin’s room. It took a while before Frerin opened the door, but he welcomed the brunet inside.

“I don’t know about you, but I can’t remember what happened last night.” Kili said dropping down to sit on the same bed with the blond. 

Frerin brushed his hair back and lit a cigarette. “I remember walking around by the trucks, and some guy tried to come on to you, and I punched him…that’s about all I remember…besides waking up in the grass with blood running into my eye.”

Kili couldn’t stop staring at him. _‘How could Frerin be Thorin’s brother? They are so different.’_ “Why is Thorin and Dis so harsh with you?”

Frerin snorted. “They _worry_ about me. I know they think I’m crazy because I get addicted to things so easily…I have what is known as addictive personality disorder.”

“What do you mean? Addicted to what?” The younger had no idea there was such a thing as addictive personality disorder, he surely didn’t understand.

“So just because I went out drinking and got so wasted, Dis thinks I’m going to become an alcoholic now. Just like she was afraid if Fili and I started having sex, I wouldn’t be able to stop…she might be right. Like right now, I’d love to have another drink, and I’d really like to fuck you…”

Kili sobered as his breath hitched before backing further away from his friend on the bed. “Uh, probably should drink anymore right now after how much we had last night, and…Frerin, I only want to be friends with you.”

“You’re a cocktease.” Vividly remembering the way Kili had been flirting with him in the hotel lounge weeks ago, Frerin wasn’t joking. 

“I should leave now.” As Kili started to leave the bed, Frerin grabbed his wrist. 

“Stay with me. I promise I won’t do anything. Don’t leave me.” Frerin sounded almost as desperate for him to stay as he sounded pleading for Thorin to lie down with him earlier that morning.

Kili wanted to jerk his arm away from Frerin’s grasp, but something caught his eye. “Are you hurt?” The brunet reached for the material wrapped around Frerin’s forearm that seemed to have a small amount of blood seeping through.

The blond released Kili’s wrist and backed away picking up the television remote. “We should see how the race is going.” Flipping on the television, Frerin tried to find the correct channel ignoring the brunet’s question.

Kili knew from seeing him that morning at the police station, he didn’t have any injuries to his arms, only his face. Frerin was obviously hiding something, and the old scars were the tell-tale sign he knew so well because it was something he experimented with it in his past as well.

“You shouldn’t do that.” Kili stated bluntly. “It doesn’t work you know.”

“It sucks living in the shadow of your perfect brother, Kee.” Frerin crushed out his spent cigarette just to pick up the pack lying next to him to pull out another. 

“I know it is….I’ve been trying to get my dad to notice me for years, but I could never be as good as my older brother no matter what I did.” Kili turned to stare at the television watching the cars speed around the track. “He hasn’t talked to me since my brother died in a crash years ago.” 

Frerin reached under the bed. “I think we're going to be great friends..." Holding a bottle of whiskey, he removed the cap. "I like your way of dealing with shit better…shall we?”


	8. I'm Trying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili and Frerin have sex & Thorin and Bilbo try to have a quiet evening alone.

Fili came to Frerin’s hotel room late into the evening after returning from the racetrack. Before he could take one step into the room, the overpowering stench of whiskey caused the blond to take a step back. 

“After last night you’re drinking again?” The idea that Frerin was drinking again after being so trashed the night before left Fili feeling as concerned as Dis had been earlier that morning.

Swiftly Frerin wrapped an arm around his boyfriend, pulling him into his room, closing the door after checking the hallway for anyone. “I’m fine. Quit drinking hours ago.” Though his lip was split, it didn’t stop him from kissing Fili hungrily. The smell of liquor was almost more than the blond could handle.

As he turned his head away to breathe for a second, Fili saw a questionable sight. “Frerin? Why is Kili sleeping in your bed?” 

“He’s been here drinking with me all day, and he passed out there. I swear we never did anything, Fili.” Frerin squeezed his little blond’s hips rubbing their clothed semi hard-on’s together. “Can I make love to you? I’ve _really_ missed you today.” 

Fili dipped his head wanting to believe his boyfriend was being honest with him about Kili. “I want you too, but Kili’s right there, and…”

“So? We’ll use the other bed. If he wakes up, he can watch us…or join us.” Fili couldn’t control the involuntary twitch his cock made at Frerin’s suggestion. “I felt that. You want to fuck him, don’t you?”

Shaking his long blond curls, Fili denied how much he desired Kili. Denied how much he wanted to trace his fingers across every inch of the raven haired young driver’s fair skin and taste his sweet kiss again. “No. I’m just really horny for you right now, Frerin. I want you.”

Feeling Frerin’s warm hands sliding his shirt up, Fili closed his eyes leaning his head back after his shirt was removed letting is boyfriend’s strong hands own his body as he continued to kiss him eagerly helping him out of his jeans. “I need to feel your skin against mine.” 

With Fili’s eyes barely open, he gazed at Kili lying half naked on Frerin’s bed hearing those words repeat in his head. _‘I want to feel your skin again mine’_

After both men undressed one another, Frerin followed Fili onto the bed opposite from the one Kili slept on. Crawling over top of him, Frerin could feel the warmth of Fili’s body radiating from him. He looked so beautiful lying there with his soft curls falling about his face. “Don’t ever leave me, Fili. I was so afraid you’d be so angry with me…”

Fili jerked his head to silence him reaching up to cup Frerin’s bearded face pulling him down to kiss him. “Forget about it…” 

Several minutes into their intimate act, Kili began to stir. As the two lay on their side, the older blond grasped Fili’s shoulder rubbing his hand down his arm as he spooned his little blond. Fili turned his head to kiss him, while Frerin’s hand continued to slide down to his lover’s thigh. Arching his back Fili panted heavily wanting to moan and groan even louder as Frerin dug his fingers into his hips as he rocked into him. 

“I love to hear you sounding so needy. Does it feel good baby? Touch yourself…what if Kili was watching you palming yourself right now? Don’t you want to show him how good I’m making you feel?” Frerin put his hand over Fili’s to help pump his large shaft. “Come for me, Fili…come for Kili, show him how fucking amazing you look like this.”

Fili hoped Kili was still sound asleep as he stared at him only feet away on the other bed as he was about to spill his seed over his and Frerin’s hands. Frerin bit down on the crook of his neck and shoulder. Fili let out a little yelp feeling Frerin find his release deep inside him at the same time he was sucking a mark into his skin. Kili’s eyes started to open just as the little blond came.

Kili wasn’t sure if he was still asleep in a dream until he rubbed his eyes clearing his vision then quickly closing them again, he rolled over turning away from the sight of the two on the other bed. “That’s something you don’t wake up to every day. What the fuck you guys? Why didn’t you go to Fili’s room?” 

~`~

Thorin returned to the hotel with Bilbo fairly early that evening planning on maybe going somewhere to have some tea and share a quiet evening just the two of them. They found a quaint little café not far from their hotel, and settling in to a charming conversation Thorin began to lose himself in the curly haired blond’s smile, and those eyes. _’What color are his eyes?’_ he wondered no longer paying any attention to what the man was saying anymore, then suddenly they were rudely interrupted.

“Well, look who it is! Mind if we join you?” Dwalin picked up one of the small tables made for two, and placed it next to Bilbo and Thorin’s table. “Grab one of those chairs Ori!” 

Thorin sighed giving Bilbo an apologetic look. “So Dwalin, how did you find us? I mean…um, what brings you two here?”

Ori looked lovingly at the large man sitting across from him. “It was my idea to get him out. All he ever wants to do is stare at that television when we’re in the hotel room.”

“That’s not all I like to stare at in the hotel room.” Dwalin took one of Ori’s hands into his own and giving it a little kiss.

Bilbo pursed his lips and used his eyes to communicate with Thorin looking toward their two uninvited guests. Thorin tried to allow them a chance to slip away as politely as possible. “Well, we don’t mean to be rude, but we just finished our tea and were about to leave when you showed up.” 

“Oh, no problem! I’m sure you two have better things to do back at the hotel.” The sly wink Dwalin gave Thorin lit Bilbo’s cheeks a shade of pink. 

“Maybe we should plan on meeting up at a bar or something after the next race in a couple weeks.” Thorin was quick to throw out the offer for all of them to hang out together, feeling it was best for them if they actually planned their evenings.

After parting ways, Bilbo and Thorin walked back to their hotel. It was a nice evening for a leisurely walk. They found it was easier to talk while walking than it was sitting in the café. However, Bilbo was about to bring up conversation Thorin wanted to avoid altogether.

“So what’s the real story behind why Kili wasn’t at the track today? I’m only curious because Frerin also was not there….some of the drivers were saying those two ran off and got shit-faced drunk.” Bilbo never seemed to have trouble getting to the point when the conversation was about his competitor. 

“Rumors.” Thorin mumbled.

“Legolas was with both of them in the hotel lounge last night. He said they left together.” With arms folded, the blond tapped his finger against his brown leather jacket.

A hint of sarcasm graced Thorin's tone as he replied. “Of course. You’d think the boy would keep his mouth shut considering Frerin drives for his father.” 

“So it’s true?” Bilbo wasn’t truly shocked in the least. 

“Look, Bilbo…it’s complicated. Frerin never knows when to stop when he’s doing anything, not just drinking. Kili’s just young and likes to party too much. Those two really shouldn’t hang out, but they are adults and they’re going to do whatever they want to do. Can we not talk about them right now please?” Thorin really didn’t mean to raise his voice or sound too upset with his friend, but their evening together wasn’t coming along as he’d hope. 

He hoped this would be a relaxing evening, but this conversation brought back to light how overwhelmed he was feeling dealing with his brother, his driver, worrying about his ownership of the race team, and trying to make this relationship work with Bilbo. It was all proving to be too much for him.

“Thorin, I’m concerned about the way Kili affects you. You’ve been different ever since he’s been in your life. Especially now that we’re in racing season, and you two are together all the time you seem…distracted by him, and not by his driving skills.”

“You sound as if you’re jealous.” A tiny smirk appeared on the brunet’s handsome face. 

Bilbo sputtered at the thought, or rather the accusation that was perfectly spot-on. “Jealous? Jealous over that arrogant child of yours!” 

“He’s not a child! You don’t know him like I do!” Feeling so defensive of Kili made Thorin re-evaluate what he actually shouted at Bilbo. _‘I don’t really know anything at all about Kili, but I do feel protective of him.’_

Bilbo defended himself raising his voice more than he wished he would have. “I think you care a little too much for him…an, and I’m sorry if you think I’m being jealous, but, well, maybe I am! I should have taken your offer to drive for you, then maybe we would have been able to be together as much as I want to be with you because I love you!” 

Those hidden feelings spewed from his lips faster than the little blond could stop them from being exposed to the man he had crushed on for years. Thorin was at a loss for words, and didn’t know what to do or say as he just stood there dumbfounded staring at the blond.

"Bilbo, I...I don't know what to say...I'm trying...I'd like to make this work between us, but..." 

They could hear people gathering outside the hotel in the parking lot, and there seemed to be a lot of commotion as more people gather around something going on. Thorin felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. 

Just as he was reaching for his phone, the rumbling sound of very loud motorcycle engines firing pulled his attention away from answering his call. Four motorcycles roared out of the hotel parking and sped down the street as a few people from the crowd cheered.

“Thorin? Was that…” Bilbo looked as concerned as Thorin was now.

After he saw Kili driving one of the bikes with someone riding with him, Thorin grabbed his phone and quickly returned Fili's call.

 _'Thorin, I tried to stop him, but someone dared him. Kili just left with a few others on bikes. They’re going out to some ravine to race, and he took Frerin with him.’_ Thorin knew this couldn’t end well.


	9. Can't We All Just Get Along

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili races the bike - Fili is pissed off at Frerin & Thorin tries to smooth things over with Bilbo.

Another group of about fifteen more motorcycles and a band of cars full of people rushed past Thorin and Bilbo leaving the hotel parking lot heading in the same direction the first set of bikes had gone. Thorin looked to Bilbo expecting him to be angry or just walk away from him, but instead he put a hand on his arm and offered support. “I’ll go with you.”

With a nod the two hurried to the hotel to find Fili to seek any information they could to find out where everyone could’ve gone. There were a few people who knew exactly where they were headed, and Fili offered to drive them there.

In the dark of night, the SUV pulled off the main road following what appears to be a dirt path leading down toward the ravine. When they found the group of bikers and the others gathered around the base of the dry ravine, they parked and began walking toward them. Two of the motorcycles were staged and ready to race. The engines revved hearing the shouts and cheering of a few spectators.

As Thorin, Bilbo and Fili moved closer they scanned the group of near forty people searching for Kili and Frerin. Fili found them first. Frerin was still sitting on the back of Kili’s parked bike with his chin resting on the brunet’s shoulder and his arms still wrapped around his waist as if they were riding. 

Thorin followed Fili’s gaze also locating the two. He could see a multitude of emotions building in the blond. “We should get down there, and see if we can talk some sense into Kili.” 

Bilbo followed Thorin looking back to see what Fili was going to do. Hurt and exasperated over the way his boyfriend was behaving, Fili stood his ground just watching, not going with them nor did he return to his SUV just yet. 

Frerin pulled back some of Kili’s long loose curls tying up his hair for him, then he began to nuzzle his neck giving his skin one little kiss as he spoke with a hushed tone in his ear. “You don’t need to do this. You don't need to prove anything to these guys. Why don’t we take the bike and go somewhere we could be alone?”

Kili tilted his head with a jerk trying to squirm away from Frerin’s affections. “Frerin, I told you, I just want to be friends.” The brunet didn’t mind if his friend wanted to hold him or lean on him, but he certainly didn’t want him nuzzling and kissing on him. “And what was that all about in the hotel room anyway, you and Fili…I could tell he was embarrassed, why’d you do that to him?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t feel like waiting for you to wake up and leave, and there was something really hot about fucking him right there next to you knowing you might awake up. Come on, Kili. When’s the last time you got laid? Don’t you want me?” Tangling his fingers into Kili’s long raven hair, Frerin turned his head toward him to kiss him. Kili pulled back just enough to stare into the blond’s dark blue eyes. “No. I need you to be my friend, and you’re supposed to be Fili’s boyfriend. I won’t let you do this to him.”

It was in that moment, Kili knew exactly how he felt about Fili. After teasing both of them for so long, he really wished he could have Fili for his own, and didn’t want Frerin to hurt him this way. The brunet never cared about anyone but himself for so long, caring about Fili seemed foreign to him, but it felt _right_. 

Thorin pushed his way through the small group of people just as two of the motorcycles tore down the concrete ravine. “Kili! Frerin!” Both of the young men jerked away from one another startled by Thorin’s angry voice. “Get off that bike and come with me now!”

Frerin cowered a bit, but Kili laughed standing up still straddling the bike he retorted, “Seriously? Who do you think you are?”

As much as the blond was sick of his older brother always being right about everything, he knew Thorin was right about this. “Come on, Kee…we should probably go with him.”

“You go with him, Frerin. Go take care of Fili...Get off my bike! I’m racing next.” Kili started the rumbling engine waiting for Frerin to dismount. 

Standing a couple feet away from the brunet now, Thorin shouted pointing a finger at him. “I think I’m the one who bailed your ass out of jail this morning, and covered for you at the race today! You owe me this much to come with me now!”

Kili snorted, taunting his boss with a cocky grin. “If I don’t, are you going to fire me?” 

The heat rising in Thorin’s veins was enough to make him want to jerk that incorrigible brunet off the bike and carry him to the car like the child Bilbo referred to him as. “I’d like to say yes, but we have a contract which by the way you need to adhere by! This behavior _will_ get you fired, if not _killed_ so stop being stupid and come with me!”

Kili noticed Bilbo standing not too far behind Thorin as Frerin walked passed him heading toward Fili's car parked on the grassy hillside near the top of the ravine. “Don’t you have someone else to worry about these days?”

Feeling defeated, Thorin grumbled turning away going back to stand with Bilbo. “Unfortunately, too many people at the moment.”

Kili gave the little curly haired blond a look of contempt before pulling his bike up to the area they designated as their starting line. The other two bikes had already made their run down and back again calling out the winner who would drive against Kili next.

“He won’t listen to me.” Bilbo looked up at Thorin feeling the anxiety mounting in the man watching his driver attempt to race a motorcycle in this concrete ravine without any protective gear for no good reason other than to prove himself to the other stupid people who dared him. 

The young girl standing between the bikes gave the signal to start the race and the two bikes roared away racing toward the area marked as their turnaround. Bilbo hesitantly took Thorin’s hand in his watching the bikes become smaller disappearing into the distance. Though he and Kili didn’t get along well, he certainly didn’t want anything to happen to him.

Bilbo felt Thorin’s hand begin to tighten around his when the bikes began to reappear racing back to the starting point. Everyone gasped when one then the other bike wobbled as if they both ran over something losing control only for a moment before both drivers were able to pull their motorcycles under control heading for the start/finish line.

Pushing the engines to their max, neither driver wanted to lose. In the end, the rush of victory surged through Kili knowing he beat his competitor by almost a bike length. When the motorcycle had come to a stop, Kili had barely dismounted when a flock of people surrounded him congratulating him. There were no trophies, no money to be awarded, no media taking pictures or asking for interviews. Just a handful of strangers praising him for _winning_.

Anxiety and tension left Thorin's body as he exhaled being allowed to breathe normally again. Bilbo mustered a smile feeling Thorin's relief knowing Kili was safe.

~`~

Frerin slid into the SUV and shut the door. The immediate awkward silence was driving him mad. "Say something, Fili! Yell at me! Fucking punch me! Do something!" Fili refused to utter a single word leaning against the driver's door watching everyone out the windshield. "Fuck Fili! I swear there's nothing going on between me and Kili!" 

"I'm not blind Frerin. I saw you coming on to Kili, and I saw him trying to stop you. For once, it wasn't Kili being an ass. You begged me never to leave you...why? So you can use me? I stood by your side when you told me about your addiction problem, and tried hard to make our relationship work before we ever had sex. I should've walked away after what Dis told me." Fili was mentally kicking himself. When he and Frerin first got together, that's all he wanted because he liked Frerin so much, but now he was questioning if the man was worth the trouble. 

"I'm sorry! I'm not using you, I swear! I don't want to be alone. I want to be with you. I admit I was wrong...I was wrong coming on to Kili, but because you and I just had sex, I wanted it again...he just happen to be right there. I'm not saying it was right. I wasn't trying to cheat on purpose. I don't care about him, I want you." Frerin didn't like to beg someone for anything, but he knew Fili was worth fighting for. He was the only boyfriend he ever had he really didn't want to lose, and he knew he was going to have to try harder to control himself. 

Fili sighed shaking his head. "I'm not saying this addiction thing of yours isn't for real, but I'm not okay with you flirting with him. You didn't like him flirting with me, but now you're trying to screw him!" He knew in his heart this relationship was falling apart, and Kili was the center of it. Both he and Frerin fell for the enchanting effect he had on them. 

Frerin moved toward the center of the car leaning over to Fili to touch his cheek. "Fili...I'm so sorry. You're mine. I know how seductive Kili can be. I'd seriously hurt someone if I lost you. I meant it when I said I never want you to leave me. I'm trying to control myself, but it's hard. I want to be friends with Kili because we have a lot in common. Good thing is if we spend time together you don't need to worry because he doesn't want me. Forgive me, please? I...I love you."

"You _love_ me? I don't think you know what..." Fili never thought he'd hear those words from Frerin.

Both back doors of the SUV opened simultaneously. The exuberant bike race winner hopped in one side all smiles as Thorin slid into the middle seat next to him, helping Bilbo take a seat on his other side. _'This couldn't get anymore uncomfortable.'_ Thorin thought to himself.

Like an excited child, Kili couldn't stop talking from the moment he shut the car door. "Did you guys see me win? It was great! I forgot how much I love racing bikes! Did you see Fili?"

Fili tipped his head grumbling as he started the car. "Yes, I saw you, Kili. I saw _everything._ "

Frerin resituated himself in his seat putting on the seatbelt. "Good job, Kili."

Through his excitement, Kili knew something wasn't right between the two in the front seats. "What's going on you guys? Are you two fighting about something?"

Thorin knew what, and tried to change the subject. "We need to get back to the hotel and get some sleep. All of us have a long trip leaving here in the morning."

More excitement began to build for Kili. "I can't wait to get back home! I miss the desert where it's so warm and..."

Bilbo leaned over Thorin to question Kili about his home. "So did you grow up near the racetrack we're going to next?"

"Yes! I love the desert! There was a little racetrack my friends and I used to race at. Lots of places in the desert where you can race out in open as fast as you can go too!"

Bilbo laughed at the young driver's excitement. "Desert rats..."

"Yep! That's what everyone called us." 

It was like a kid coming off a sugar rush when Kili suddenly stopped talking, and leaned on Thorin falling quickly asleep. Thorin noticed Bilbo's displeasure about the way Kili had snuggled against him. He took Bilbo's hand in both of his, trying to make amends. "He looks up to me like a father. He doesn't have anyone to care for him, and I feel responsible for him. That doesn't change the way I feel about you." Bilbo still wasn't convinced, but was willing to let it go for now.

After Fili parked his SUV in the hotel parking lot, he immediately exited the vehicle heading for the hotel. Everyone else trudged along behind him. Frerin tried to catch up to him, taking his arm to stop him. "Fili, please..." The blond jerked his arm away, but when Frerin tried to grab him again, Fili punched him. 

Getting in the middle of those two was not a good idea, but Kili tried to put himself between them to stop their fight. "What's wrong with you two?" Fili started to punch Frerin again, but Kili grabbed his fist. 

Thorin moved toward them to put an end to whatever was going on, but Bilbo held him back. "Let them fight it out, it doesn't concern you!"

Instead of being allowed to stop them physically, the older man yelled at the brawling young men. "Guys! Stop it! Can't we all just get along? Whatever your problem is, can you all please just sleep on it and think clearer about it tomorrow? We all need to get some rest." Thorin looked down at Bilbo standing next to him still holding his arm. "I think I need rest more than any of you." With a sigh, he wasn't joking for he was spent in every possible way physically, mentally and emotionally.

As they entered the hotel, they were greeted by someone unexpected waiting for Bilbo. "Gandalf?"

Gandalf didn't look too pleased at the moment. "Bilbo...you should have been in your room hours ago. You have a meet and greet tomorrow in the next town at noon. You don't need to be hanging around this rabble."

"What did you call us?" Frerin felt completely insulted by the older man's comment.

"You heard me. You and this one here are the kind that give our sport a bad reputation!" Gesturing at Kili, Gandalf didn't care who he insulted for he knew he spoke the truth of the matter. The media was already writing stories about those two.

Frerin, Fili and Kili slunk away like scolded children heading for the elevators. Bilbo knew he needed to go with his car owner, but wanted to stay with Thorin. "I really need to go...to my room."

Thorin nodded and tried to smile. "I see that. Guess we'll try to get together again in a week or so? At least we'll have two weeks before the next race." 

"Yes. Hopefully we'll find time to spend together and it won't be as eventful as this weekend has been. Text me?" A warm smile began to creep along Bilbo's lips.

"Hopefully. I promise I'll text you. Have a safe trip." Thorin didn't care if Gandalf was still watching them or not when he gave Bilbo a tight hug and a sweet kiss good-bye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are welcome! Though I know where my stories are going, sometimes a comment could sway my storyline in how I get to the end ;)


	10. I Care About You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thranduil takes care of Frerin - Kili talks Thorin into stopping at a festival on their road trip to the next race track spending some time together.

Morning came all too quickly for some. When Thranduil couldn’t get a response from his driver, he pounded on his hotel room door. With no answer still, and knowing Fili had already left the hotel, he checked to make sure Frerin hadn’t already checked out. Finding he had not checked out, he asked if someone could open his door for him because he had become concerned.

The manager of the hotel unlocked the door allowing Thranduil inside. He found Frerin lying on the bathroom floor with his arms a bloody mess. The team owner wet some washcloths and gently tried to clean Frerin’s arms waking him in the process.

“Thran…you don’t have to…” Frerin was somewhat embarrassed having his boss clean his wounds, but Thranduil stopped him from protesting.

“Shhh. Let me finish.” Quietly going about the business of cleaning and bandaging his driver, he made eye contact with him every few seconds studying him. “What’s troubling you? Should I get your sister?”

Instantly answering “No.” Frerin most definitely did not want his sister knowing anything about this. He stopped cutting many years ago until just yesterday when he sat in this hotel room re-evaluating his life, and what a failure he saw himself to be. “Fili left me.”

“I see.” Thranduil calmly finished with Frerin’s bandages and helped him off the floor slowly offering an arm to steady him. “Do you want to talk about it?” Frerin shook his head to answer. “Frerin, I am concerned about you not only as a friend first, but your employer as well. You are my responsibility to make sure you are able to perform your job duties to please our sponsors. Having to get a substitute driver just hours before the race was not acceptable considering the reason you could not drive. I also cannot afford to have you being distracted by personal issues when you need to focused on driving to win as well as safety issues are a concern when someone is not focused.”

Frerin understood and agreed he would try not to let his personal issues with Fili be a problem for him at the track. It would do him good to be away from Fili over the next week. Beginning practice and all the other duties as a driver he would have to perform being around Fili the week after that may prove to be a challenge though.

~`~

Curled up in the passenger seat listening to music on his phone, Kili stared out the window of Thorin’s RV cruising along the highway. Passing sign after sign, one sign caught his attention. 

“Thorin! Can we stop and go there?” Kili pointed at the large billboard along the highway. “My brother and I had always wanted to go to the Renaissance festival, but my Dad would never take us. Do we have time? Could we please?” 

Thorin smiled at how excited Kili seemed to be about this festival thing he’d never heard of before. “I guess we time. Sure…why not?” The huge charming smile he received from his young driver was worth saying yes to this new adventure.

Upon entering the festival, Thorin chuckled at the sights of so many people dressed in period costume. “Were we supposed to dress up for this?” 

“No, but we can. It would make it more fun I suppose. They have a place you can rent costumes for the day. Would you want to?” Kili’s tone suggested he wanted to. “Come on, Thorin! It would fun! You’re always so serious about everything, just once I’d like to see you having some fun!” 

Kili didn't have to beg to much to get Thorin to agree to wearing a costume. He too thought it might be fun, and he certainly needed to have some fun. Each of them stepped out of the dressing room and laughed at how silly they appeared to one another. Kili picked up a crown to place on Thorin’s head. “You look like a king, and a king should wear a crown.”

“I do look rather regal in this costume, don’t I?” Thorin smiled looking at himself in the mirror. “I like your costume as well. Very…uh, woodsy? Hunter, maybe?”

“Yeah! You're right, see I have a quiver and a bow too.” Kili held them up to show him how it completed his costume, and they were off ready to see what all the festival had to offer.

There were quite a few live performances. They particularly enjoyed the jousting competition and the live chess match. The dungeon displaying all the medieval torture devices was interesting, but disturbing all the same. No matter what they did, Thorin was enjoying Kili’s youthful enthusiasm about everything here.

After doing a little window shopping, drinking a few ales, and strolling through the park, they notices a lot of people enjoying turkey legs. “What do you think? Should we?”

“Seems to be what everyone likes the most. I’ll try one.” After finishing off their juicy turkey legs and another ale, the two continued walking around, and stopped to play a few games without much luck of winning but fun nonetheless. 

Later they walked through the shopping area, stopping to watch the blacksmith forging a sword. “ _That_ is very cool.” Thorin watched in awe how easy the blacksmith made his craft appear. “Would you like a sword?”

Kili became distant for a moment, then answered. “Yeah…I’ll get one.”

After looking through all the swords the blacksmith had for sale, they each found the ones they wanted and Thorin paid for them both. “For you.” Thorin handed Kili his sword as if he were a true warrior.

“Thank you.” Kili said rather submissively before explaining to Thorin what his gift really meant to him. “My brother and I used to pretend fight with sticks or wood scraps when we were young. We always said if we got to go to the Ren festival we wanted Dad to buy real swords for us.”

Thorin heard Kili mention his brother in conversation from time to time, but because he never took the time to really talk to him, he didn’t know anything about Kili past. This long road trip would have been the perfect time to ask, but it had been a missed opportunity until now. 

“Kili. I’m sorry I never took the time to get to know you better. I guess I thought it better if we left our relationship as car owner and driver, but we do spend a lot of time together and…I would like to know you better. Is there anything you’d like to tell me about yourself?” Thorin was sincerely interested in knowing more about him.

“My mom died when my brother and I were very young. Dad worked on race engines, and to keep us occupied and out of his hair, he built us go-carts to race around a little dirt track he built for us on our land. That’s where both of our racing careers began.” Kili noticed a pretty girl around his age kept looking his way. She was dressed as an elf with long flowing hair.

“You can go talk to her if you want to. I’ll wait here.” Noticing the exchange of looks, Thorin couldn’t help but grin. 

“I, I…no…I don’t think so…she’s an elf. I doubt she’d really be interested in whatever I am.” He had never seen Kili blush until the boy stuttered and joked before they walked on. 

As the sun was setting, it was time to leave this magical little village, and return to the reality of their modern life as they returned their costumes and dawn their regular old jeans, tee-shirts and button-downs. 

After boarding the RV, Thorin put their prized swords away. When he turned around, Kili was right there behind him. “Thank you, Thorin. I feel silly being all giddy over a festival, and making you dress up and all, but I really had a good time. It was even better than I ever imagined as a kid.”

Thorin lifted his chin to look at him. “I care about you, and like to see you happy. You’re welcome, it was my pleasure. Thank you for suggesting the festival. And thank you for making me wear a costume. I had a lot of fun with you today.” With a quick smile he patted the brunet on the arm, and started to walk toward the driver’s seat.

“Thorin…we…we never talked about…” Kili swallowed thickly unsure whether or not he should bring up the subject of their night together in the garage weeks ago. He never thought anything of it until more recently.

Thorin froze. He knew exactly what Kili was referring to, and never turned to face him as he replied. “It’s in the past, Kee. We don’t need to discuss anything. We did what we did, and…there’s nothing to talk about.” The older brunet went on to his seat, and started to RV.

The RV lurched forward as it began to drive toward the highway. Standing in the middle of the moving vehicle, Kili sucked in his bottom lip not knowing if he should respond or not. Maybe it didn’t mean anything to Thorin as it didn’t really mean anything to him when it happened. _‘He is a lot older than me. He'll never really want to be with me. What was I thinking? ’_


	11. What Is This Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili spends the day with Fili.

Thorin heard the text alert of his phone waking him from a deep sleep. Eyes still closed, searching the bed of his RV he found a warm body instead. “Kili? What are you doing in my bed…again?”

“It’s a big bed, and it’s more comfortable than those things out there.” Kili pouted not wanting to be banished from the spacious plush bed. “I swear I’ll stay on my side of the bed. Promise. It’s not like we sleep in here all the time anyway. We have our own hotel rooms…so you and Bilbo can…” 

“Uh, yeah. That’s enough.” Releasing a deep sigh, he knew he wouldn’t win this battle. “Fine. I’m getting up now anyway. We need to get going. Won’t be much longer we’ll be at the track.”

Rolling over after Thorin got up, Kili stretched out taking over the entire bed for himself. “Wake me when we get there.”

Hours later after arriving at the race track, and passing all the security checkpoints to enter and park in the in-field, Thorin found his phone to text Bilbo right away. 

_’Missed you and can’t wait to see you! Just parked the RV, come on over!’_

When Bilbo received the text, he immediately began walking toward the in-field where many people from the racing community set up their home-away-from-homes on wheels.

_’Can’t wait to see you either! Omw!’_

Thorin had the door open waiting for his friend before he rounded the large vehicle. “Great to see you again!”

“Yes, you too! It’s been a long week!” Bilbo followed Thorin inside the RV, and was pleasantly surprised when the brunet turned around and sweeping him into his arms for a full-on passionate kiss.

“Well! Uh, that’s was unexpected, but you can do that again if you’d like!” The little blond’s smile couldn’t get much wider, but faded somewhat at the sight of Kili walking out of Thorin’s bedroom from the back of the RV half naked.

Kili ruffled his tangled hair then rubbed a hand over his bare chest as he went straight into the bathroom without a word to either of the other men watching him giving Bilbo a slight side look.

Thorin felt Bilbo become a little tense. The scrunched up his face giving Thorin that look. “Was Kili sleeping in your bed?”

“Yes. He refuses to sleep on any of the other beds because he says they’re uncomfortable.” Thorin knew this looked and sounded bad, but it was the truth.

“Really? Hmm…what would Kili do if I want to sleep in your bed?” With his usual bluntness, Bilbo felt he nothing to lose throwing out the possibility at this point.

“Um…are you suggesting we, uh…” Whatever shade of red it was, Bilbo knew he had Thorin actually blushing, and it truly made him smile again. 

Kili went back to the bedroom to throw on some clothes and left the motorhome passing by Bilbo and Thorin as if they weren’t even standing there. Though it was probably his imagination, Thorin could have sworn he felt a rush of cold air emanating from his young driver as he passed.

"Well...seems we're all alone now." Thorin gave Bilbo that look he had been waiting for wrapping his arms around his little blond again pulling him close. 

"Indeed we are, and I believe we should take advantage of our time alone, don't you?" Bilbo was more than ready, and had been waiting for this moment for a very long time. 

~`~

Strolling around the garage area to see who was there, Kili was surprised to find Fili’s team already in the garages working on their race cars for the upcoming week. Legolas saw the raven haired driver first, and greeted him with a bro shake.

“Kee! Good to see you! Are you glad to be home? I heard this is your hometown.” Legolas noted the smile that instantly graced the brunet’s face remembering Fili was in the car when he told everyone this was where he was from. 

“Yeah, yeah it is! Hey, uh, is Fili around anywhere?” Kili asked looking around.

Legolas pointed toward the back of the adjacent garage. “Think he’s either sleeping or hiding from Dwalin back there.” Watching Kili started to go in that direction, Fili’s team mate warned him. “Uh, Kee…I don’t know if you know it or not, but Fili broke up with Frerin. He hasn’t been in the best of moods lately, so if you plan on talking to him you might want to keep that in mind.”

“Oh. I didn’t know. Thanks for the warning.” This seemed like an opportunity to either be a sympathetic friend, or lose his life trying to hit on the blond. Either way, he was up for the challenge. 

Leaning back in his chair, Kili wasn’t sure if Fili was asleep or not with his eyes covered by his dark sunglasses. With a few portable fans going, and the noise of mechanics working on the cars throughout the garage, it certainly wasn’t quiet enough to sleep, but it was an atmosphere most of the drivers and crew members got used. 

The brunet tried to test him speaking in a normal tone calling his name first, then gradually grew louder until Fili finally stirred awake. 

The blond pushed himself up in his chair trying to get out of it. “What do you want?”

“Just wanted to stop by and say ‘hey’, see how you’re doing.” 

“Why do you care how I’m doing?” Fili grumbled.

“Fili, I…I heard…I’m sorry. I sort of feel responsible.” The brunet sounded sincere.

“Pfft, don’t flatter yourself. If it wasn’t you, it would’ve been someone else Frerin would have went after. I should’ve known better getting involved with him. He warned me about himself from the beginning, and I refused to believe whatever that condition he has was real." Fili finally pushed his way out of his chair.

“Would you like to get outta here for a while? I could show you around. It could be fun.” 

“I don’t know. You’re kind of fun usually gets you or whoever you’re with in trouble.” Anything Kili ever had in mind was worth thinking twice about before doing.

“I’ll take it easy on you, I promise. We won’t jump out of an airplane without parachutes or anything!” Kili laughed at his own stupid sarcasm trying to make the blond lighten up a bit.

Dwalin passed by on his way to a tool box near the two. Overhearing his driver’s conversation, he agreed with Kili. “Go with him, Fee. Your car probably won’t be ready to run until tomorrow anyway. No use hanging around here.”

With mixed emotions, Fili agreed to go and was glad he was driving them. At least Kili wouldn’t have a chance to leave him stranded in the desert or something crazy like that. 

Hours of driving all around town, Kili finally showed him the way to the outskirts of town where the open roads began. They ended up at the small racetrack Kili and his friends used to race at. It had been closed for years, left abandoned.

Entwining his fingers into the chain link fencing, Kili’s gaze became distant. Fili noticed how sad the brunet racer seemed to see part of his past looking like a ghost town with broken spectator bleachers, metal signs swaying in the slight warm desert breeze and desert scrub already taking over areas of track.

“Looks like this was a nice track in its day.” Trying to get Kili to talk about his days racing here, the blond thought he could bring his smile back.

Instead, Kili nodded his head. “It was. And it was fun…when I was very young. My brother _owned_ this track. He won more races here than anybody around.” 

The brunet sighed and turned away going back to Fili’s SUV. Not wanting to push Kili for more, he sat in the driver’s seat quiet for a few minutes. 

Kili didn’t feel like being here any longer, and mustered smile asking Fili if he wanted to get something to eat. He knew a little hamburger joint they could stop at where they could order and have their food delivered to their car by servers on roller skates. 

"Tell me about yourself." Kili asked curiously.

Fili shrugged his shoulders. "Not much to say. My parent's wanted me to go to college, but racing was all I ever wanted to do. So here I am. My uncle got me into racing and helped fund everything...Dwalin's my uncle."

"Oh! I had no idea." Kili was sincerely shocked because they seemed so different.

After they ate, Kili directed Fili out of town in a different direction asking him to stop somewhere he knew had a great view of the sunset. It had been a fun day for Kili reminiscing, and fun for Fili to see new sights and to hear the brunet’s stories though he evaded any questions about his past personal life other than racing.

They climbed some rocks finding a comfortable place to sit next to one another to watch the colors of the sky changing slowly in the most brilliant hues as the sun began to disappear in the horizon.

Being so close in each other’s personal space for the first time in almost two months, it felt strangely familiar and comfortable being so close again. Kili saw how beautiful Fili’s blue eyes looked reflecting the gorgeous sunset. 

“Fili…I swear that night on the beach I had no intentions of getting you drunk. I obviously can drink more than you, but I admit, I wanted you. As much as I want you right now, but I won’t kiss you unless you want me to.” Kili wasn’t playing, and this feeling growing inside his chest was nothing he had ever felt before. 

Kili’s dark smoldering eyes pulled Fili into his soul. “I want more than a kiss from you Kili. I wanted you that night on the beach, but I was being faithful to Frerin. I’ve tried so hard to get you out of my mind.”

“You don’t have to now. I’m right here, and I’ll do anything for you just tell me what you want, Fili.” Kili leaned into the blond already knowing what he wanted sensually pressing his lips against Fili’s teasingly slipping his tongue into the blond’s mouth.

The taste of his kisses sweet and warm sent shivers down Fili’s spine wanting more chasing after his lips when the brunet began to part from him, he whispered. “Don’t stop…” 

Kili wasn’t about to deny this alluring blond anything he wanted claiming his lips again in a more heated kiss this time. His breath hitched as Fili’s hand had traveled up his thigh to cupping the bulge in his shorts. “Fili…”

“I know what you want, Kee…I’ll gladly do it for you…for me…” Fili helped Kili up to lean against the large boulder next to them before shimming down the brunet’s shorts and briefs freeing his stiff cock as he dropped to his knees. Sliding the head of his cock against Fili's lips coating them with pre-cum, Kili knew he wasn't going to last long when the blond snaked his tongue around his long shaft taking him deep into his mouth sucking and swirling his tongue until he needed air. 

"You taste so good Kee..." Teasing and flicking his tongue across the head of his cock. "...fuck my mouth Kili..."

Kili's tangled his fingers in those soft blond curls moaning as Fili let him rock into his mouth going deeper until Fili dug his fingers into the brunet's hips to hold him still feeling him release deep in his throat he swallowed every last drop licking him clean. 

The brunet couldn't move still shaking leaning against the warm sandstone, Fili looked up at him. "I can't believe you just did that...that was the hottest thing ever..."

The blond grinned as Kili helped him up to wrap his arms around his waist holding him close. "I've had a long time to think about how I much I wanted to do that to you." 

They stood there holding on to one another breathing in the fresh clean night air of the desert looking up at the stars before they left for the hotel. "Fili...I've never felt like this before, but...I like it..." 

In the moonlight, Kili could see a sparkle in Fili's eyes. "Can I stay in your room tonight, Fee? I'd like to fall asleep next to you."

"I was already going to insist you sleep with me tonight." Fili didn't have to think twice about it.

When the two returned to the hotel, they tried to be discreet hoping no one would see them as the slipped into Fili’s hotel room. What they didn't know, and did not see was Frerin was down the hall in the vending room. When he heard familiar quiet voices, he looked around the corner just in time to see Kili follow Fili into his room. “Well, well…what have we here…”


	12. Everyone Else Can See It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili and Thorin are being called out by Fili and Dis who have noticed something between those two.  
> Fili is almost as confused about his feelings as Kili is, but he's willing to try to be just friends.

The next morning upon waking together, Fili and Kili lay next to one another staring into each other’s eyes. Kili brushed some of the blond curls from Fili’s face, then Fili brushed back fine strands of Kili’s bangs. 

“Hi.” Kili smiled impishly.

“Hi. You’re still here.” Fili seemed truly surprised to find him still lying in bed with him. 

“Yes, I’m still here, where else would I be?”

“Gone. I took you for a fuck ‘n run kinda guy.”

“That hurts, Fili!” The blond's comment really did sting a little, though he couldn't remember the name of the last guy he slept with a few weeks ago.

“Well? You _do_ have a reputation…” Fili pushed himself up to a sitting position waiting to continue this conversation. 

The brunet sighed sadly knowing how true that was, but though months ago he would have treated Fili that way, he couldn’t see himself treating him that way now that he knew so much better. There was something intriguingly honest and admirable about Fili. The kind of person you respect and it would hurt your soul to do them wrong.

“Yeah…guess I do…I can’t help it…” Rolling onto his stomach, he tried to hide his face in the pillow. 

Fili found that comment to be rather immature. “That’s a moronic thing to say. Of course you have a choice when you decide to use someone and treat them like nothing happened between the two of you the next day. Or ever.”

Kili wondered if he was referring to Thorin knowing Fili was the only person that knew about their night in the garage together. The night that continued to haunt him.

“I get your point.” More than he wanted to admit. 

Fili stretched out to lay next to him again lightly rubbing circles on his back. “Did yesterday, last night mean anything to you?”

Lifting his face out of his pillow, Kili brushed his long dark hair from his eyes to look at Fili as he rolled back over on his side to face him. He wanted Fili to see how sincere he was when he answered. “Yes. I had a great time with you, Fee…but if you were expecting anything more from me, I don’t know what to say. I care about you. But I'm not looking for a relationship with you...I've never been in a relationship before.”

Unsure why it came as a surprise to the blond, but it did. “You’ve never had a relationship with anyone? Never? Like not even a teenage love affair?”

Kili shook his head, and looked away. “No. I’ve always been afraid to get close to someone. Afraid I would get hurt if I ever loved someone. It’s always been easier to have one night stands and move on. No commitment, no heartache. I live to have fun and satisfy myself.”

“Self-centered much?” 

In his natural cocky tone, the brunet admitted it. “I know. I never cared anyone. Life is easier that way. It’s all about me.” Kili pushed up, shoving himself off the bed to begin getting dressed.

Within seconds, Fili was behind him turning him around to face him. “Kili, I'm not looking to start a relationship with you, but your comments bother me. You never cared about anyone? You said you care about me, but now I'm starting to think you just used me too.”

“Too?” It had been a couple weeks since he slept with that guy he couldn't remember his name, and Fili didn't know about that. 

“What’s going on between you and Thorin?” Fili's blue eyes held his gaze asking for the truth. 

Kili furrowed his brow. “What about Thorin?”

“Everyone can see it, and I can tell Bilbo’s jealous of you.” Fili sat on the edge of the bed. “What happened between you and Thorin after that night in the garage?”

Kili made a quiet noise. “There is nothing between us other than he is my boss…and hopefully my friend. I was wrong that night. He and Bilbo were broke up, and I came on to him, and he wanted it as much as I did, but we’ve never spoke of it since.”

With a smirk and a raised eyebrow, Fili felt he was on to something. “So you did use him?” 

Searching for his own answers, Kili didn’t know himself what happened between them. “Apparently no more than he used me…I don’t know how I feel about Thorin. It was a game to me like always to see if I could get him, but days afterwards I saw him differently. I always thought of him as the father mine never was to me.”

Fili grinned having clarity about their situation Kili did not. “You’ve been denying your true feelings for him ever since. Why?”

“I don't know. He so much older, Fee, it seemed weird. When I tried to talk to him about it recently, he blew me off like it meant nothing to him…but…it did to me. I just didn’t know it at the time. It wasn't until Thorin got back together with Bilbo, I realized how much it did mean to me. Then after that night on the beach with you, I began to feel something for you and maybe that's what I wanted. I thought you were so incredibly hot, I wanted you so bad." Kili began to fidget pacing around the small area between the bed and a table. 

"And then I just wanted to mess around with Frerin, but after spending time with him, I knew I only wanted to be friends with him. I didn’t know what I wanted, and I still don't. It hurt me to see how Frerin was treating you, and I felt bad for ever thinking about using you just for sex because I never want to hurt you either. I’m so fucking confused, Fee!" 

Studying Fili's serious look, the confused young man didn't know what to think or what to do next. "So what were you doing with me last night if you weren't looking for a relationship? Seems like you were using me!” Kili went for the door, but Fili was seconds behind him. The brunet stopped feeling Fili’s hands slide around his waist.

"Kili, stop." The sincerity in Fili’s voice broke Kili’s heart as he slowly turned around drinking in his beautiful blue eyes. “I wasn't using you either. I was confused after that night on the beach too. I was so drunk, I was pissed off at myself for not controlling myself knowing I was with Frerin, but I couldn't get you out of my head after that night. You had a way about you that could piss me off or turn me on in a heartbeat. When given the opportunity last night, I wanted you too, and I hoped what we did meant something to you because it did to me. And I would do it with you again if you wanted to. Kee, I really want to be friends with you, and if we do more, then...that would great too, but I think your heart belongs to someone else.”

“You’re too good for me, Fili.” They stood there wrapping themselves in a loving embrace for a long time. Kili began to feel Fili’s heart beating as their chests were pressed so tightly together, it felt so comfortable being in his arms. A single tear escaped from the corner of his eye feeling overwhelmed being forced to confront his feelings. 

“Fee…if we get more free time today or sometime this week, would you want to go with me somewhere again? I'd love to spend more time having fun with you.” If there was anything the brunet was sure of, it was that he did not want to lose Fili as a friend. After everything Fili just told him about how he felt, how could he ever let go of that. They had a strange unspoken bond. 

With his cute smile, Fili agreed to go with him anywhere to do anything. “You still make me nervous with the crazy shit you do, but I'll hang out with you. I'm sure we can have a lot of fun together." 

Fili just smiled resting his forehead against Kili's. "If you never work things out with Thorin, maybe someday in the future when we're both ready for a real relationship, you'll want me and only me. But for now, I'm good with being just friends...though friends shouldn't hold each other like this." Kili released his friend from their embrace, giving Fili the okay to let go as well. 

The blond instantly felt a loss not feeling Kili's body pressed against his wanting to take him into his arms again. "Well fuck...being just friends may be harder than I thought, Kee." Fili began to think he wasn't going to be able to do this, but he needed to let Kili sort out his feelings and decide on his own what he wanted and needed. If Thorin was his true desire, he would have to respect that decision...for his friend. 

~`~

Thorin and Bilbo left Thorin’s hotel room at the same time Kili was leaving Fili’s room. Thorin and Kili locked eyes. Bilbo smiled, “Looks like someone else had a good night too.”

The three went to wait for an elevator, but as the elevator doors opened, Gandalf stepped out. “Ah, there you are! Are you quite ready to get to the track for an early start this morning?’

“Yes. I’m ready. Just give me a moment, please?” Gandalf mumbled something but took the hint walking away leaving his driver alone with Thorin, though Kili refused to leave he pressed the elevator button waiting to catch the next one going down.

Silently cursing the brunet, Bilbo pulled Thorin aside. “Thorin, I, uh…had a wonderful time with you yesterday, and of course last night was amazing.” Kili couldn’t stop the snicker that escaped him. Bilbo of course heard him but chose to ignore his childish behavior.

“Hopefully we can have more evenings like that soon.” Thorin gave his little boyfriend a squeeze, and one lingering kiss.

After Bilbo said his good-byes to Thorin reluctantly leaving him behind, but he smiled and waved as he disappeared around the corner of the hallway heading to his hotel room.

Kili could feel Thorin staring at him. “What?” Both men boarded the elevator pressing the lobby button.

“What do you have against Bilbo?” Thorin had felt Kili’s unease around his boyfriend for a long time.

“Nothing.” That one word was so cold. 

“Kili…you’re rude to Bilbo most of the time, and I see the way you look at him. Why?”

The brunet wouldn’t answer until the elevator doors began to open. “Maybe he has something I want that I can’t have…” Kili turned his eyes away from Thorin, rushing out of the elevator heading for the hotel café. 

Thorin felt as if he couldn’t breathe watching Kili hurry away from him. _‘What? Could he mean me?’_

 

Thorin met up with Dis at the entrance of the hotel café. “Good morning. Would you go find a table, Dis? I want to speak with Kili for a moment.” 

The older brunet joined Kili at the breakfast bar. Picking up a plate, he began nonchalantly asking Kili questions. 

“Did you have a good day with Fili yesterday?” Thorin asked, but received no answer, so he continued trying to find the right question to get Kili fired up to respond. “Did you have a good night with him?”

Following next to the brunet placing breakfast croissants on his plate, Thorin wasn’t letting him go so easily. “Kee…Fili’s been through a lot with Frerin. Don’t use him.”

“Wait…what?” Finally he knew he pushed the button when Kili snapped. “I’m not using Fili!”

Making a gesture toward Kili to lower his voice, Thorin quickly explained his comment. “Alright! I’m sorry. I just know what a jerk my little brother was to him, and don’t want to see you treating him the same.”

Kili frowned. “I care too much for Fili to hurt him like Frerin did. Besides, we talked and we're good." After making his coffee, he took his plate and found a corner table far away from where he saw Dis at her table waiting for Thorin.

Taking a seat at the table Dis had selected for them, he waited for her to get her food. He couldn’t stop thinking about what Kili could’ve meant by his comment about Bilbo.

When Dis returned, she immediately started with her own set of questions for her eldest brother. “What was that all about? Are you two arguing about something again?” Thorin shook his head taking a drink of his tea.

“What's going on between you and Kili?” His sister was insightful, and could read her brothers like a book. “There’s something you’re not telling me.”

“He's my driver, my employee. That’s all!” Thorin snapped at Dis, but she wasn’t backing down.

“No, Thorin…that’s not all. I know you feel like he's your charge that you need to take care of and protect as if he’s your son, you’ve given me that line many times, but I see there’s more.” Her brother was hiding something. “Have you slept with him?”

Thorin almost choked on his food, taking another drink of tea. “What? Why would think that?”

“I’m your sister that knows everything about you, even if you don’t! I’m around all you men ninety-five percent of the time with my job, don’t think I’m oblivious to what’s going on around me. Are you cheating on Bilbo?”

“No! And stop with the questions about my sex life already! I thought we were having this meeting to discuss Frerin, not me!” 

Dis took a deep cleansing breath. “Fine, but I still think there’s something between you and Kili.”

Thorin bowed his head. When Dis wasn’t looking, he gazed across the café to see Kili's dark brooding eyes staring back. Gathering his empty dishes for the café hostess taking them from him, he promptly left the café. 

“Dis, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go. I just remembered something I need to tend to. As for Frerin, just keep an eye on him. After being around him yesterday at the track, I could tell something’s wrong with him, and he won’t talk to me.” Dis agreed and promised to look after their brother as she shook her head watching Thorin trail after Kili.

Just as Kili was about to enter his hotel room, Thorin grabbed his arm. “Let go of me.”

“Kili, we need to talk.” Thorin was almost begging him, but Kili wasn't ready for Thorin to reject him again. He couldn't bear the thought of hearing what a mistake they made being together that night in the garage. 

Shaking his head, Kili pulled away. “Do you need me at the track today?”

“Not really, why?”

“I have things I want to do today.” The brunet wouldn’t look at his boss.

“Can we talk? Please?” Now the older man was begging. It was going to be another missed opportunity for them both to talk about what happened between them, and how they feel about it now. 

Kili shook his head again. “No. Just like you said, there’s nothing to talk about.” Entering his room, he shut Thorin out. Feeling anxiety building, he couldn’t breathe normally until he found his bottle of rum. “Nothing at all.”


	13. Please Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili takes Fili to see where he grew up, and takes him on a joyride. Thorin can't focus on anything trying to figure out what has been going on between himself and Kili. Frerin accidentally receives information about his brother.

Sitting on his bed alone in his hotel room, Kili had finished a half of a bottle of rum when he decided to text Fili. It was going to be a good day, or at least in his mind it was going to be. 

_'Hey Fee are you free today? Thorin said I didn’t need to go to the track today and I want to get out of here and do something if you’d want to go with me.’_

The brunet couldn’t help but laugh when he received almost an instant response.

_'I’m free and I’ll be right there!’_

Almost as rapidly as Fili had answered the text, he was knocking on Kili’s door. They stood just inside the room discussing plans for the day, when someone else knocked on the door. Kili mindlessly opened the door without seeing who it could be first was a slight mistake. Not that he minded to see his friend, it was just bad timing.

“Hey Frerin. What’s up?” The tension in the air was almost smothering. 

The older blond looked past Kili. With blue eyes fixed on one another, his ex-boyfriend wasn’t backing down. Fili had just as much right to be there, and to be friends with Kili as Frerin did. “I don’t know. You tell me?”

“Fili and I was just getting ready to leave. I could hang out with you tonight, if you’d want to?” Kili never gave much thought to how awkwardly difficult it was going to be being friends with two ex-lovers. Neither one wanted to be around the other, nor did neither one wanted to share Kili. 

“Sure. I have to do some autograph thing somewhere today anyway.” Giving Fili one last dark look, Frerin walked away. “I’ll meet up with you tonight.”

After closing the door, Kili took a moment to breathe before he asked, “You don’t mind, do you? That I spend sometime with Frerin tonight…or that I’m even friends with him?” 

What was Fili going to say? He didn’t want to sound possessive, he had no right to be. After all they were just friends. “It’s not up to me who you’re friends with or what you do.” He wanted to hold Kili, but restrained himself from doing so.

The brunet tried to smile. “Would it make you feel better if I told you you’re my best friend?”

They weren’t little girls fighting on the playground over who liked who better, but the comment did ease his mind. With a quiet snort, Fili playfully pushed Kili toward the door. “Whatever, dude. I’m not going to be a little bitch about it. Frerin might, but I’m not. Let’s get outta here.” 

~`~

Nori tried to get Thorin’s attention, but the team owner was lost in thought as he stared at his clipboard standing outside their teams assigned garage area of the racetrack. The numbers on the paper had become nothing more than a focus point as a few race engines hummed hypnotizing him into a trance-like state. 

_'Maybe he has something I want that I can’t have…’_ Kili’s words resounded over and over in Thorin’s mind. _’Just like you said, there’s nothing to talk about.’_

Shutting his eyes, his thoughts dug deeper into the past. _'If I win this race…will you fuck me?’_ It was said playfully while Kili had been drinking, but sometimes truth comes out of alcohol, but Thorin had begun to see his young driver in a different light. _'Did you mean it when you asked me if I would fuck you if you won the race, or were you just teasing me?’_ The older brunet was exploring the possibility that the arousing seductive young man could possibly be interested in him, but Kili's response shot him down. _'Thorin, I was drinking...'_ He was just a flirt that liked to tease to get a reaction and attention Thorin concluded.

“Thorin!” Nori shook the man’s arm finally bringing him back.

“I’m sorry, Nori, what?” Thorin took a deep cleansing breath trying to refocus on the task at hand squeezing his clipboard.

“Where’s Kili? I’m ready for him to take the car out for a test drive, so I know what I need to adjust.” The skinny crew chief looked around searching for their missing driver.

With a regretful sigh, Thorin admitted he made a mistake letting Kili have the day off. “I told him he didn’t need to be here today. I didn’t think you’d be ready for him this fast.” 

Being Thorin’s friend for many years, _not to mention he had a run-in with Dis_ , Nori knew something was preoccupying that brilliant race champion’s mind. “Thorin, you know me better than that. I always have a car ready by now. Where’s your head been lately?”

Looking across the pits, Thorin saw Bilbo watching him. “I don’t know, Nori. I’ve had a lot on my mind lately.” 

Going to his motorhome to lie down for a few minutes, Thorin's mind began to wander again. _‘Maybe He has something I want that I can’t have…’_

Images of the seductive young man pulling his clothes off, coming on to him caused Thorin to break a sweat. _‘Isn’t this what you’ve been wanting?’ ‘Are you teasing me again?’ ‘Fuck me right here on the hood of this car…I don’t fucking care if you put a dent in it, I’ll pay for it. Just fuck me Thorin. Fuck me hard…I know you want to…’ ‘Thorin…we…we never talked about…” “It’s in the past, Kee. We don’t need to discuss anything. We did what we did, and…there’s nothing to talk about.’ ‘Maybe he has something I want that I can’t have…’ ‘Can we talk, please?’ ’Just like you said, there’s nothing to talk about.’_

In frustration, Thorin slammed his fists into the mattress where he lay. "What does Kili want from me?...What do _I_ want from him?" 

~`~

Driving along the rural route through the vast open desert farmland covered in scrub and catcus, Fili drove his black SUV taking Kili wherever he directed him to go completely clueless where they would end up next. Every now and then the blond would glance over at his friend who seemed to be in his comfort zone knowing exactly where they were. 

“Kee…have you been drinking already this morning?” Fili already knew the answer, he could smell it, but he was curious as to why though.

Kili didn’t realize how much he already drank, and forgot to try and hide evidence of it. “Just a little…I had an argument with Thorin this morning. Thought it would calm me down.”

“Oh? What were you arguing about?” Though he could probably guess, Fili asked anyway.

His argument wasn't Fili's concern, but it was honestly brief with nothing to disclose. “He wanted to talk and I didn’t...Stop here, Fee.”

“Kee…you two need to talk.” Fili slowed his SUV to a stop. “Where are we?” The blond looked at the small home set far off the main road from where they had stopped.

“Dad’s house…this is where I grew up. I want to get my car out of the barn.” Kili scanned the area looking for any signs of his father. 

“I thought you said you haven’t talked to your dad in years?” This was unsettling at best. Fili didn't want to be around if there was any confrontation between Kili and his father.

“I haven’t. I have the key to the barn, and I’m getting my car. He can’t stop me, it’s my car. Go up the driveway and park on the side of the house." With Kili directing the way, Fili slowly drove up the long driveway and around the side of the attached garage to park toward the back of the house.

Fili didn’t like where this was going. “Shouldn’t you at least let him know what you’re doing?”

Kili shook his head. "He's never home this time of day, and I don't see any cars or trucks around. He always parks his truck in the driveway."

The blond followed his friend toward the barn. "I can see the headlines now...two famous race car drivers found murdered in the middle of the desert..."

Kili laughed though Fili wasn't so sure he was joking. "Dad's an asshole, but he's not going to kill us if he catches us here."

Unlocking the barn, the two men pulled back the large double doors of the huge structure. Fili’s eyes grew wide seeing the array of beautiful race cars stored within. 

“Wow! Are all these cars your dad’s?” The blond immediately began to look at the first car nearest to them. 

“No. These were my brother’s cars.” Kili walked to the opposite side of the barn pulling a tarp off of a car. “This is my car, and the one in front of this was my old race car.” 

Fili walked across the barn to check out Kili’s cars. “Very nice! Did you build these?”

Shaking his head as he stared at the race car, the brunet didn’t seem to want to go near it. “That was the last car Dad built for me, but I built this one though. This is one is I wanted to get out of here. I poured a lot of money into her, not to mention a lot of blood, sweat and tears, but she’s worth it.”

It was a street legal custom built race car. Sleek and dangerous…like its owner. When he built his car, he made sure it wouldn’t attract too much attention from the authorities. With ground effect spoilers, rear spoiler, dark window tint, wider tires and a plain obsidian black paint job, he named her _Black Widow_. 

Fili drooled over the engine when Kili popped the hood. Beaming with pride, Kili loved seeing how impressed his friend and race competitor was over his machine. “Wanna take it out for drive?” 

Looking like a kid on Christmas morning, Fili lit up. “Fuck yeah! Are you sure?”

Seeing how excited his friend was Kili couldn’t help but laugh over the blond’s enthusiasm. “I wouldn’t trust anybody else to drive my baby! Come on…help me push her out of here. I have to let her off the floor jacks first though. Didn’t want the tires to flat spot not knowing when I’d ever be back for her.” 

They lowers the jacks allowing the car to rest on all four tires again before carefully pushing the vehicle out. Once the car was free from the barn, Kili found some gasoline and oil to make sure it was properly ready to roll. He slid into the driver’s seat and fired up the engine on the first try.

Fili took over the driver’s seat after Kili got out to get into the car on the passenger side. Wrapping his hands around the vibrating leather steering wheel quicken the blond driver’s pulse as he revved the engine once briefly. This was somehow much different from driving a regular race car at the track. There was the element of danger knowing the power of this engine, and limited safety equipment built into the vehicle.

After Fili had driven a couple miles away from Kili’s old home down the flat straight rural road before pulling over to let the car owner take the wheel. "What a rush! This car is amazing! You out-did yourself, Kee.”

“Thanks! Your approval means a lot to me.” Kili sat in the driver’s seat with both hands on the steering wheel staring straight ahead. Getting a wickedly naughty thought, it made his heart race. “Fee…Speaking of getting a rush, I know we just decided to be just friends, but…I’ve always had this fantasy about driving this car…”

Keeping in mind this is Kili’s fantasy, Fili could only imagine what he was going to ask of him, but he knew it was going to involve sex somehow. He was sure of it. “What do you want to do?”

“Would you give me a blowjob while I drive? I’d be great with a hand job if you’d prefer, I just want to come while I’m driving this car as fast as I can push her! If you do this for me, I swear I’ll never ask you for any kind of sex act ever again, promise! But if you want anything in return, I'll gladly take care of you when we get back, please? You know my motto, live life to the fullest. Live fast, die young. Nothing can make you feel more alive than cheating death! Take a chance for the thrill of it, come on Fee!” 

Getting lost in the brunet’s excitement and smoldering dark hazel eyes, against better judgment Fili agreed though he silently scolded himself _'What could possibly go wrong trying to cheat death?'_.

Kili knew this rural route was sparsely traveled. There really wasn’t the danger of other vehicles getting in the way on this straight road, and there were no crossroads. In his mind it was relatively safe, but the thrill of driving so dangerously fast outweighed any risk involved in driving at such a high speed in general. 

Pushing down his unzipped shorts and briefs just enough to free his flaccid cock, Kili touched himself while watching Fili lick his lips becoming very aroused watching him work himself into a full erection before the blond went down on him. Kili gently stroked Fili's long soft curls once with affection as he began to pull the car back onto the road to drive with both hands firmly on the steering wheel.

Slowly Fili licked the glistening precum from the tip of Kili’s swollen cock while fondling his balls. The blond’s tongue was insanely talented working the brunet’s harden length deeper into his hot mouth swirling one way then the other up and down. 

Faster the car went down the straight road, Kili panted heavily keeping his eyes fixed on the road minding his speed pacing himself with how Fili was making him feel. Biting down on his lower lip he whimpered and let a few moans escape him as the blond teased certain sensitive spots before continuing to suck tighter and tighter, faster and faster.

Faster and faster the car was reaching speeds well over one hundred miles per hour, but the street legal engine had much more to give. His red swollen cock wept with more precum as Fili teased it some more blowing gently over the head.

“Oh holy fuck, Fili! Don’t stop whatever you’re doing I’m almost there!” Kili pressed harder on the accelerator while the blond tried not to think about how fast they were traveling down the road. He began fisting Kili's shaft harder and faster leaving his tongue to lick the head as he pumped his fist.

“Come on, Kee…faster…” The blond whispered over the driver’s aching cockhead. Fili had no idea if they could go any faster, but this ride had also aroused him more than he thought possible before they began this joyride. 

The car roared down the road pushing one hundred and fifty miles per hour as Kili almost couldn’t focus on driving at all anymore as his eyes wanted to roll back into his head. Kili was pushing his car as hard as Fili was pushing him to come licking and sucking the sweet juices he milked from him. “Come for me Kee…fill my mouth with your hot cum.”

With those words, Kili shot his seed into Fili’s mouth unloading every last drop as the blond sucked and swallowed until he knew the brunet was spent, and the car began to slow rapidly. Fili made sure his friend was _clean_ before he sat up properly wiping his beard seeing how fast they passed by the cactus was indication of how fast they were going even after they had slowed significantly. "Jeeze, Kee, I don't think I want to know how fast you were going!." 

Turning the car around to head back to his father’s home, Kili pulled off the road for a moment to fix his clothing, and catch his breath. A wave of embarrassment came over the brunet as he glanced at his friend sitting in the passenger seat quietly watching him. “Thank you…” It was an awkward moment that he didn’t know if he should kiss his friend or drive away and begin talking like nothing just happened between them. After all, Fili agreed to do that for him as a favor. 

“I know you just used me for that, but I’m okay with it. I enjoyed every second of it, but never ask me to do anything like that again. Luckily I couldn’t see how fast we were going.” Fili felt Kili’s dilemma and tried not to make it uncomfortable for either of them. “I just gave you an amazing blowjob fulfilling your fantasy, the least you could do is kiss me just once before we go back.”

Kili grinned and cupped the back of Fili’s golden head to kiss him in a very sweet, but chaste way. “I promise I’ll never ask you for anything sexual again, and this…this will be our last kiss…” One last kiss between the two, and they drove silently back to the barn.

After jacking up his prized car and throwing the tarp back over her, the two were ready to head back to their hotel. Just as they were about turn around to leave, they were startled by a voice, and Fili almost pissed himself seeing the barrel of a shotgun in his face. The blond froze without moving a hair. 

“What the fuck are you doing on my property and how did you break into my barn?” The stone cold voice of his father almost terrified Kili too. Calmly he spoke to the man.

“Dad? It’s me, Kili. That’s my friend, Fili. We didn’t break in, I still have a key. I just wanted to take my car out for a little bit.” Kili stood in place hoping his father would remove the gun from his friend’s face.

“You’re not welcome here. Take your _friend_ and go.” The tall thin white haired man lowered his shotgun from Fili, and stood staring at his son speaking with his cold dark eyes. It was quite clear he had no room in his heart for his son and truly wished him gone. 

With a lump in his throat, Kili asked only because he loved his car more than he ever loved his father, “Can I come back for my car someday? It is _my_ car.” 

The man didn’t need to think about it as he snapped. “Take it with you now so I _never_ have to see you again.”

~`~

Thorin left the racetrack early knowing there was nothing more he could there without his driver. He wanted to text Kili, but figured from what he said that morning that he had something to do that he wouldn’t have answered him anyway.

Pacing around his hotel room, after taking a shower, Thorin couldn’t decide who to text, Bilbo or Kili. It shouldn’t even have been a decision to make. He already promised Bilbo they could spend the evening together. They were going to meet up with Dwalin and Ori for dinner at a nice restaurant across the street from their hotel. 

Like a concerned parent checking up on his kid, Thorin wanted desperately to text Kili to see what he was up to, but he was a twenty-two year old young adult, and Thorin shouldn’t be worried or wondering what he was up to anyway. Visions of his older more responsible boyfriend made the team owner smile again as he sent his only text message to Bilbo. 

_’Are you about ready to meet up to walk over to the restaurant?’_

Bilbo didn’t reply to the text. As the minutes passed by, Thorin began to worry until there was a knocking on his hotel room door. A sense of relief washed over him seeing his little blond's smiling face. Together the two walked arm in arm across the street to meet their friends who had already been seated at their table. 

Dwalin made light of Thorin's oversight letting Kili disappear for the day instead of test driving his car as he should have. "That's alright, my nephew needed another day to have some fun with your boy."

With a twinge of jealousy, Thorin's brow furrowed indicating some concern. "Fili spent the day with Kili again? Those two seemed to have bonded rather quickly since Fili and Frerin broke up, haven't they? I mean, they even spent the night together last night."

Bilbo gave Thorin a side look. "Yes, they have bonded rather quickly! I think it's wonderful they've found each other considering how horrible your brother treated Fili."

"My brother has issues, and Fili knew it before he committed to a relationship with him. Anyone that gets involved with Frerin is asking for trouble." The brunet tried to defend Frerin, but in turn made him sound worse than he was.

"Must run in the family." Bilbo kicked himself under the table. Curse his loose tongue.

Ori shrank in his chair looking at Dwalin. This dinner wasn't going well so far. "Should we order now?" The little ginger tried to get their waiter's attention.

Thorin knew he hadn't been the best boyfriend, but he was nothing like his little brother. "What was that supposed to mean?"

As the waiter approached the table, Dwalin picked up his menu and began to order for himself and Ori. When the waiter looked to Thorin waiting for his order, he couldn’t speak. Dwalin tried to calm his friend, “Thorin, he didn’t mean anything by it.”

Bilbo apologized profusely. “I’m sorry, Thorin. It’s just that I feel like our relationship has been under a lot of strain again lately not being together as much as I’d like us to be.”

Ignoring the argument at hand, Thorin took a drink of his wine, and gave their patient waiter his order. He was going to order for Bilbo as well, but his boyfriend cut him off to order for himself. 

Later that evening, Thorin stepped outside on the terrace of the restaurant with Dwalin to give his friend company while he smoked a cigarette. “You’ve been my friend for many years, Dwalin. Do I seem _different_ to you?”

Dwalin laughed out loud. “You’ve always been different, but…yeah.” The large bald man stroked his beard as he sobered knowing his friend was serious and needed to bend a friend’s ear for a few minutes. “I know something’s been bothering you too. What is it? Are you having a rough time keeping this relationship going with Bilbo?”

With a nod, Thorin couldn’t deny it any longer. “It’s so hard not being with him as often as I’d like to be. It feels like we’re strangers when we do finally get together sometimes.”

“Maybe Kili needs to travel with someone else for a while. Give you time to be alone with yourself, or see if Gandalf would allow Bilbo to travel with you instead of him? I know that old guy doesn’t like to let his driver out of his sight, but maybe that’s why they’ve always been one of the best teams. Just a thought. It might be worth a shot to ask him…that is if you really want this relationship with Bilbo to work." With the curl of his lips, Dwalin gave Thorin a questionable look. 

"You need to please yourself, and stop worrying about everyone else. You finally got rid of the bitch-of-a-wife of yours, that was the smartest thing you ever did. Now. You need to figure out what you _really_ want so you can be happy and get on with your life again.” 

~`~

Fili was exhausted after the adrenalin filled day he had with Kili as the two returned to the brunet’s room. Since the two had driven back separately, Fili never got time to talk to Kili about his encounter with his father, but he wanted to.

“I’m sorry about what happened back there with your dad.” Sincerely the blond felt for his friend, but he could tell it really didn’t faze him much. 

“Just as well. At least I got my car. I’ll never need to go back for anything ever again.” After thanking him again for another amazing day together and saying good-bye to Fili, Kili took his shower and got ready to start his night with a few drinks from his bottle of rum before going to the tavern. 

Sitting at the bar in the tavern across the street from the hotel, Kili was hell-bent on getting trashed. Something had snapped inside him seeing his father after all these years, hearing the cold unforgiving uncaring words spewing so hateful from the man who gave him life. It brought back horrible memories of abuse, he tried so hard to forget ever happened. He didn’t kill his brother, and he couldn’t understand why his father hated him so much more after his brother died.

“Who the fuck cares.” Kili slurred speaking to himself as he downed another shot trying to hang onto the railing of the bar to steady himself on the barstool. 

“Whoa there!” A couple hands slid around the drunk brunet’s waist pulling him back up on his barstool. “Not sure why the bartender is still letting you drink, Kee.”

Kili twisted around and smiled throwing his arms around his other blond friend. “Frerin! I’m soooo glad to see you!”

Frerin held onto his drunk friend trying not to let him slip off his seat, because honestly he didn’t think he’d be able to get him up if he fell on the floor. Noticing Kili had another drink in his hand, Frerin gently took it from him without the drunk man even realizing it was gone. 

“I think you’ve had more than enough, Kee. Why don’t you come over here with me?” Frerin led Kili to his corner table toward the back of the bar near the pool tables pouring the sloppy drunk into a chair. 

The completely wasted brunet was barely coherent when Frerin straddled him. Taking his face in his hands, he devoured his tongue and grinded against him until the brunet couldn’t breathe. “Stop Frerin! I’m so fuckin’ drunk, even if I wanted to I couldn’t do anything with you!”

“Come on, Kili, you don’t need to do anything. I’ll take you back to my room, and I’ll do all the work.” Frerin continued to kiss the brunet’s sticky lips, and trailed little bites and nips down his neck. He didn’t care if he pleasured Kili at all, he just wanted to use his body for his own pleasure. 

“What about Thorin?” Frerin stopped everything he was doing to look at his drunk friend.

“What do you mean, what about Thorin? What’s Thorin got to do with anything?” The tall blond’s blue eyes bore into what little bit of Kili’s dark eyes he could see, searching for an answer to that cryptic statement. 

“Can’t let you fuck me…that’s just too weird getting fucked by brothers…” Being so incoherently intoxicated, Kili honestly wouldn’t remember the next day what he just confessed to his team owner’s stunned brother.


	14. Enough Already

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin has had enough of everyone.

Ori sat at the dining table at the restaurant with Bilbo waiting for Dwalin and Thorin to return from the terrace. Quietly sipping some tea he watched Bilbo tapping his finger on the table staring at his own tea. The blond tsked once before scrunching up his face to ask his friend his thoughts.

“Ori, if Dwalin was spending more time with Legolas than you, would you really be alright with that?” 

“You mean if they needed to travel alone together all the time like Thorin and Kili do?” Ori asked to be sure.

Clearing his throat, Bilbo knew he wasn’t getting anything passed Ori. “Well, uh, yes. Yes, would you be alright with that?”

“If it was a necessity, I would be alright with it because I know our bond is strong and our love is true. Do you not feel that way with Thorin?” The little ginger was very comfortable with his relationship knowing they were a perfect match.

Bilbo wasn't so sure about how Thorin felt. “He has yet to tell me he loves me even though one night not long ago I blurted out that I loved him, he hasn’t reciprocated the sentiment. When they arrived at the track the other day and I went to Thorin’s RV to see him, Kili came out of Thorin’s bedroom. He admitted they’ve been sleeping together.”

Ori raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think I would be alright with Legolas sleeping in Dwalin’s bed.”

“He said they stay on their sides of the bed, and it’s nothing, but knowing Kili, I don’t trust him not to try something with Thorin. My man may be faithful to me, but he is a man with needs and I think given the right circumstances he could be persuaded I’m sure.” So in retrospect, it did seem like an unhealthy thing for their relationship to have his man sleeping with another so young and promiscuous.

“Maybe…have you ever thought about traveling with them?” Ori had no idea Dwalin was suggesting the same thing to Thorin at this very moment. 

“Oh, I highly doubt that would go over well. I couldn’t see myself locked in an RV with Kili for any length of time without strangling him. He’s so immature he gets under my skin rather quickly with that cocky arrogant attitude of his. I know he resents me being with Thorin, I can sense it.” Bilbo chuckled, how absurd that would be. 

Ori tried to clarify his idea. “No, I meant only you and Thorin travel together. Maybe Thorin could arrange for Kili to travel with someone else so the two of you could be together.”

“I guess it would be a good idea, but…” Bilbo’s thought was cut short as Dwalin and Thorin returned to their table joining them again. Dwalin rubbed an affectionate hand across Ori’s back watching his smiling friend ask Bilbo an unexpected question. 

“Bilbo, would you like to travel with me from now on? I think being apart so much is tearing us apart, and this way we’ll know for sure if we can get along being together all the time. We’ll talk to Gandalf and see if we could share hotel rooms or to save money we could stay in my RV at the track. What do you think?” Thorin hoped his offer would let Bilbo know what he meant to him, hoping he would accept. 

Ori gave a nod and smiled sheepishly at Bilbo watching the little blond’s smile return. Bilbo’s expression lightened as he looked at the love of his life and said, “No.”

Everyone was stunned, and mouths dropped. Ori couldn’t help the squeak that escaped him. “Bilbo! We just talked about this, and you thought it was a good idea!”

Bilbo sighed being put on the spot in front of their friends was unsettling. “Thorin, could we have a word alone please?” 

Dwalin and Ori excused the squabbling lovebirds who had gone to the smoking terrace for privacy. Thorin was so exasperated, he just stared at his boyfriend waiting for an explanation. When the explanation came, he felt a strange sense of loss at the thought.

“I don’t know who would take Kili. He’s not old enough for a rental car, and honestly if he had his own car I don’t trust him to make it to where he needs to be on time…or at all!”

Bilbo shook his head. “See, that’s what I don’t understand. Kili’s an adult! You shouldn’t have to cater him just because he’s irresponsible! He’s your employee and he has a job to do. He should be able to take care of himself to know and to be where he needs to be on time, and in the proper physical shape to uphold his job duties! You’ve got enough on your plate running your team, why don’t you fire him and find someone responsible to drive for you that you don’t have to babysit?”

Thorin’s mouth hung open flabbergasted not only at the audacity of Bilbo suggestion to fire Kili, but how the truth hurt so much. No matter what Kili did, he didn’t want to let him go because if he fired him, he knew he would be gone from his life forever. "I can’t do that.”

“Why not? He’s an irresponsible child, and not the best driver you could have! There are other capable drivers out there still to be found. What about the driver that subbed for him, hmm?” Always sure of himself, Bilbo had a way of speaking his mind. 

Thorin walked away without saying anything, Bilbo huffed behind. The tall brunet found their waiter and paid his bill before stopping by their table to let Dwalin and Ori know he was leaving.

He still didn’t want to say anything to Bilbo trailing behind him back across the street to their hotel. Finally Bilbo caught Thorin’s arm to stop him.

“Thorin, I’ve told you before how jealous I am of Kili. I can’t help it the way you dote on him. It seems more than you just being an overprotective father figure. You give me the impression he’s much more than that to you, and…I need to know if you…”

Thorin looked away from Bilbo knowing what his boyfriend wanted to know, and he couldn’t answer that question. He didn’t know how he felt...about anything. 

Their conversation was interrupted further when they heard the laughter of two very drunk young men trying to hold themselves up passing by on their way into the hotel as well. Thorin started to go after them, but with Bilbo’s hand still on his arm, he held him back.

“See! You’re doing it again! You can’t help yourself from taking care of Kili! And Frerin! I’m sick to death of both of them! Do I need to start getting trashed and doing stupid things to get your attention? For fuck sake, Thorin, this is too much!” Bilbo stormed off toward the hotel leaving Thorin even more confused. 

_'Screw all this. I have a business to run, and everyone is getting on my last nerve!'_ Thorin went inside the hotel unfortunately taking the same elevator as Bilbo, Frerin and Kili. 

The two drunks remained holding one another in the corner of the small elevator while Bilbo stared at the doors with his back to them all. Thorin stood in the opposite corner from the drunk men watching them with curiosity. He could see Kili was so wasted he was barely standing, and most likely had no idea what he was doing or who he was even with as Frerin kept the brunet close to him pressed against the back wall of the elevator to keep him up.

Frerin ran his fingers through Kili’s long raven hair and looked at his elder. Frerin was the only one to say anything breaking the silence in the small space, and Thorin sorely wished his brother would have kept his mouth shut. “What’s the matter, Brother? Are you jealous?”

Bilbo was fuming, but was calmed when Thorin spat, “Why would I be jealous of you taking advantage of a drunk that doesn’t even know what you’re doing to him? Take Kili to his room and go to your own, Frerin. I’m going to call Dis to make sure you do!”

Bilbo was the first off the elevator heading to his room alone. Looking back he saw Thorin ignoring everyone entering his own room alone. Hearing the two young drunk men in quiet conversation, he stopped to watch how Frerin pushed Kili against the door of his room kissing him roaming hands everywhere touching him sometimes inappropriately. For a moment he felt sorry for Kili knowing he didn’t have control of himself seeing Frerin taking advantage of him like that, but he let them be as it was no concern of his.

Down the hallway, Frerin tried desperately to talk Kili into opening his door to let him in. “Frerin, can’t have sex with you…”

“Why not? Because of my brother?”

With a nod of his head, Kili confirmed once more something had gone on between those two. “And because of Fili…”

"What about Fili?" Frerin’s blood began to boil. He had always been fiercely possessive of Fili, and though they were no longer together, the thought of Kili or anyone touching him set him mad with jealousy. Knowing how drunk Kili was, he knew he would answer him honestly. "Have you fucked my Fili?" 

Again with a nod of his head and a slurred response, the intoxicated brunet spilled more truth. "In my bed the other night." Luckily for Kili, Dis appeared from the elevator.

~`~

The day had barely begun at the racetrack. The hustle and bustle of more teams ready to test their cars, the media was everywhere interviewing crews and drivers, Thorin stood alone on the pit road wall lost deep in thought again when he was approached from behind.

“Thorin? Have you seen this yet? I just received a call from my sponsor…” Just as Thorin turned to see what Thranduil was referring to, he too received a phone call from his team’s sponsor.

Thranduil held up the front page of the sports section of the local newspaper. Pictures of their drivers drunk at the tavern from the night before graced the front page. 

The two team owners pulled their drivers into the racetrack’s driver’s meeting hall for privacy.

“Pictures were taken!” Thranduil began speaking standing before their seated drivers. “Do you two have any idea what this could do to our teams? Our sponsors are livid!” Thorin couldn’t stop pacing the floor while Thranduil did most of the talking, or rather yelling. “So the two of you get so drunk at a local bar you can’t hardly walk and you’re obscenely making out in front of crowds of people taking pictures! Then the bar owner throws you out! What were you thinking?” 

Kili looked at the pictures feeling ashamed and a little sick about it because he didn’t remember anything at all. He knew he went to the tavern, but that was the only thing he remembered. He certainly didn’t remember lying on the pool table with some girl or taking off his shirt. _‘Where did those marks on my chest come from?’_ Discreetly he tried to peek inside his shirt. 

“I’m sorry.” Frerin didn’t know what else to say. What could he say really? 

Kili wanted to say he was sorry, but couldn’t find the words. Maybe he was wrong getting so trashed, but he could tell by the photos he wasn’t the one performing the lewd acts caught on camera. “Thorin, I was drunk, but if you look at these pictures you can see I wasn’t doing anything. I wasn’t in control of myself at all!”

Frerin shot a look at the brunet sitting beside him. “You weren’t fighting me!”

Thorin had seen and heard enough. Sharply he turned getting in Frerin’s face. “You need to get your shit together, I’m tired of it! Leave Kili alone!”

Frerin laughed at Thorin’s rage. “Afraid he might think I’m a better fuck than you?”

Thranduil looked at the brothers curiously. Thorin wanted to punch that smug look off his little brother’s face. What could he possibly know to make such a statement so bold in front of Thranduil?

“I’m done here…Kili, come with me now!” Thorin stormed out of the meeting room going to his RV waiting for Kili to follow him inside. 

When the door slammed shut, the older brunet prayed no one would heard him as he began shouting at his driver. Kili yelped as Thorin grabbed him by his biceps, shoving him against a closet door pinning him there. “What have you told Frerin?”

Kili shook his head adamantly. “Nothing! I swear!” Honestly, he hadn't known all he confessed the night before. 

“You’re going to be the death of me! I don’t want you traveling with me anymore. You’re going to have to find another way to get to the racetracks and venues you need to be at. I can’t take this anymore! Your actions are destroying my team! I shouldn’t have to babysit you! You’re ruining my relationship with Bilbo, and coming between me and my brother!”

“What?” Feeling helplessly lost and confused, Kili felt his heart sink. 

“I can’t tell you to stay away from Fili, but if you care anything about him, you’ll stay away from him too!”

“Thorin, I don’t understand? What did I do?” Painfully Kili pleaded for answers. He couldn’t bear the thought of Thorin turning him away, not being there to be the supportive man he’d always been for him.

Releasing his tight grip on his driver, Thorin inhaled and exhaled heavily. “You are _only_ my employee, my driver, and that is the only relationship I need to have with you. Be where you need to be on time, and drive to the best of your ability, that is all I ask of you. You can come back for your things when you know who you will be traveling with or whatever, but for now…get out…Get out!”

Kili flinched at the intensity of Thorin's voice shouting the command to be gone. _'What am I going to do?'_


	15. Leave Me Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin makes it clear to everyone, he needs to be alone for now.

Nori saw Kili returning to their pit area, and called for him to get ready to take the car out for a test drive. After dressing in his race uniform and pulling up his hair, Nori stopped him before he slid into the cockpit of the race car. 

“Are you alright?” Nori clearly could tell something was troubling his driver.

“I’ll be alright…I always have to be alright.” After sliding into the seat of his car before putting on his helmet, he caught sight of Fili putting on and adjusting his gloves watching him from their adjacent pit area. From the look he receive from the blond driver, Kili knew if looks could kill he would be dead right now.

After putting on his helmet and being all strapped into his seat, Nori lifted and hooked his window net for him. “Take it easy out there. I don’t think I have much work to do to make this car perfect for you.” With a nod, the car had taken to the track.

Driving around the oval racetrack for the third time, Kili couldn’t focus. Hearing Nori’s voice kept him going, but he wasn’t really listening to what his crew chief was telling him, and what Nori was telling him at the moment was extremely important. 

As the car came around the third turn, Kili had failed to hear Nori tell him there was debris on the track where another driver had crashed into the wall scattering the mess of metal pieces. He was advised to slow down to avoid running over any of it, but still going full speed ahead, Kili ran over more than one piece of debris sending him into the wall as well.

Nori pulled off his headset and threw it on the ground. Other crew members tried to calm their crew chief to no avail as he flew off to his trailer to get away from everyone. Especially his driver whom he was furiously ready to pulverize for not listening to him as usual.

As Kili’s car limped into the garage area, he kept his head down knowing how pissed off Nori was going to be, not to mention how angry Thorin would be when he found out. He left the garage to go back into his pit area to grab his water bottle and a shirt he had left there earlier. 

Fili had just exited his car in the garage. He began walking toward Kili as he walk by their garage. The brunet’s heart began to race feeling another confrontation with someone was about to ensue. “No, Fili! Not now!”

The brunet driver was still shaking from the crash, and wasn’t prepared for another attack from someone he cared about. Fili shouted after him, “I just want to know why?”

What Kili heard wasn’t anger. It was hurt and disappointment. He ran back to Fili begging for forgiveness, trying to explain what happened. Losing Thorin, knowing he wanted nothing more to do with Frerin, Nori was pissed off at him, he certainly didn’t want to lose the only real friend he had.

“Fili, if you’re talking about those pictures from last night with Frerin, I swear I didn’t know what I was doing last night! I don’t remember anything!” Kili’s sorrowful eyes pleaded with his friend.

“Looked like you were pretty cozy with Frerin. Did you sleep with him? Maybe you weren’t using him either.” Fili would have admitted right then, yes, he was jealous of his ex being with Kili. 

“Fili! No! I…I woke up in my bed alone, and I didn’t know anything about being at the bar with Frerin until Thorin and Thranduil showed me the newspaper! I’m so pissed off at Frerin right now, I want nothing to do with him! Fili you have to believe me! You mean everything to me!” Putting his heart out there he hoped Fili would believe him.

Fili smirked. “Whatever. You probably said the same thing to Frerin.”

“Fili, please…Thorin kicked me out...” Kili felt he had nowhere else to turn for help. 

The blond could hear the desperation in his voice. “What do you mean, he kicked you out?”

“He’s really pissed off at me, and I’m not completely sure why. He told me I need to find someone else to travel with, or I’ll have to buy a car and drive myself everywhere…like you do.”

It sounded like a hint, that he wanted to ride with him. Looking into those sad doe eyes, Fili’s caring side was being tested. “No.”

The blond started to walk around him only to be stopped as Kili stepped in front of him. “Fili…please? Can I ride with you? I’ll pay for half the gas money, or all of it, whatever you want. I-I need someone to ride with. I admit I don’t want to be alone.”

Something strange was stirring within Fili knowing Kili hadn't slept with Frerin, and Thorin had kicked him out. Kili had some weird bewitching way about him, drawing him in making him want him even more when he was being serious and sad. “Can I kiss you?”

The question caught Kili off-guard. He tipped his head and tried to grin. “What? I-I mean…um…if you’ll let me ride with you, yes?”

Fili wet his lips anticipating Kili’s sweet kiss he loved so much. It was becoming quite clear to the blond, he knew he couldn’t be just friends with Kili. He wanted so much more from him. It had only been a few days they spent any real time together, but he felt so connected to him. If Fili was angry with him five minutes ago, Kili had most certainly been forgiven now.

Legolas passed by catching the two locked in a passionate kiss, he had to comment, “You two look like dogs in heat, get a room already!”

Parting momentarily to breathe, Fili's lips curled into a naughty grin. “Hmm, I’d like to.” Seeing Kili’s eyes turn away, made him wonder. “Thorin kicked you out…don’t chase him…I want you, Kee.” Bumping their foreheads together, arms encircling each other as they gently rocked, Fili had to be honest with Kili as much as himself. “Will you spend the night with me tonight? I don't think I'm making a very good friend, am I? I can't help it, we’re so good together…”

A deep rich voice, harsh with anger broke their moment. “Kili!”

Like a scolded child, Kili’s sadness returned having to let go of the only friend he had. “I have to go, Fee. I know I’m in trouble.”

Fili instantly felt a loss letting his friend go. “Text me later.”

Kili stood in place watching Fili disappear into around the corner of one of the buildings awaiting Thorin’s wrath. At this point, he didn’t know if he should be submissive and take whatever his boss had to belittle him about, or stand up to him like his normal arrogant self. The intelligent side of the young man told him if he wanted to keep his job, he better keep his mouth shut.

Thorin lit into his driver. “Nori told me how you intentionally ignored him when he warned you to slow down because Bard’s crash left debris all over the track! Why would you not slow down for that? You know that can blow a tire in a split second! Now the crew is going to have to rebuild what you destroyed because you never listen to any of us!” Thorin shook his head in disbelief his driver’s stupidity and lack of obedience. 

Bracing himself for some smart remark from Kili, Thorin didn’t know what to do or say when his driver bowed his head to apologize and walk away. “I know it was stupid, and I’m sorry I didn’t listen to Nori. Honestly, I wasn’t ignoring him. I was…I wasn’t thinking straight because I was still thinking about you throwing me out of your RV…permanently. I’ll go apologize to Nori and see if there’s anything I can do to help the guys.” 

~`~

It was late in the evening, and almost all the drivers or crew members who were not staying in the in-field for the night had already gone. Inside Thorin’s RV, he had just finished cleaning up his dinner when he heard a knock on the door.

Kili stood there like a lost puppy unable to look his boss in the eye. “I came to get my things…if that’s alright with you.”

Thorin felt small seeing how defeated his driver seemed. “Uh, yeah. Come on in.” He pointed to a few bags lying on the couch. “I already packed some of your things there.”

The brunet went to the bags and stopped. “Fili doesn’t have a ton of space in his car…would it be alright if I leave a few things here?”

“You’re riding with Fili?” Visions of Fili holding Kili in what seemed to be an intimate moment between them earlier that day filled Thorin's mind. 

The younger brunet nodded. “Yeah. He’s my only friend…and I almost lost him because of Frerin. I'm staying with him tonight too. I didn't feel like being alone.”

“I see. You two have bonded rather quickly." Thorin tried to hide a hint of jealousy he felt over the young men's budding relationship. Feeling a tad uncomfortable with the subject, Kili just forced a tiny smile.

"Yes. You can leave some things here if you’d like.” Thorin watched Kili disappear into the bedroom only to return with a couple of shirts. One of the shirts looked very familiar as he recognized it as one of his own. As Kili began to put them in his bag, Thorin put a hand on his shirt stopping him from packing it. “I believe this t-shirt is mine.”

Kili pulled it out to hand it to him. “I know. I liked to wear it sometimes when you weren’t around…it…it’s comfortable and…it smells like you.” Wanting to cry, Kili handed over the shirt, and grabbed up his bags pushing past Thorin to leave.

“Kili, wait…” If the young man made him feel small before, he felt even worse now. Handing him the shirt, through the dim lighting of the RV Thorin saw the tears glistening on Kili’s cheeks when he turned to take the shirt from him. 

Thorin’s breath hitched realizing how much Kili was hurting. Causing the young one to drop his bags, Thorin pulled his Kili into his arms letting him sob quietly into broad chest. “I’m so sorry, Kili. I had no idea how much forcing you to leave would hurt you. I just need time alone, and I've been so angry with everyone. I never meant to hurt you!”

“I’m so alone Thorin! My dad basically told me how much he hates me, and Frerin’s just trying to use me because he hates that I’m friends with Fili…and now you…you threw me out...” Kili wanted to tell him how attracted he was to him. How much he _wanted_ him, but he was still afraid to let his guard down, afraid of what Thorin would think of him, especially right now.

The door of the RV swung open and Bilbo appeared with an incredibly shocked look on his face seeing Thorin embracing Kili as he stepped into the living room area. He snorted and shook his head a couple times, sort of chuckling as he spoke. “You asked me to come on in! Were you sure about that? Because it looks like I'm interrupting something.”

“I was just leaving, Bilbo.” Wiping his eyes, Kili slipped from Thorin’s protective arms to pick up his bags again, and left without looking back.

“What was that all about?” 

“Kili came here to pick up his things, and he’s gone now. You should be happy! He will be traveling with Fili from now on." Thorin turned to go toward his bedroom. "I don’t want to hear any more about him from you!” He growled.

Bilbo knew he crossed the line again, but even Thorin would have to admit the scene he walked in on did look suspicious. "I'm sorry, I can't seem to stop jumping to conclusions." 

When Thorin did return from the bedroom, Bilbo walked to the back of the RV to find he had already gone to bed. “Thorin…in all fairness to Kili…I saw how Frerin was treating him last night. Kili really didn’t know what was going on.”

“Thanks for your concern. That incident has been swept under the rug, hopefully. Hoping they both have a good finish at the race this weekend, so the media can focus on the business side of racing instead of everyone’s dirty laundry.”

Looking around the room, the silence between had become awkward. "Do you think I could, maybe...stay with you tonight?" The blond bit his lip hoping for an invite, that would not come. 

With a deep sigh, Thorin regretted to inform Bilbo that he wanted to be alone. "Bilbo, there is nothing personal about what I'm about to say to you, but I _really_ need to be alone." 

"Oh. Um, I understand. It's been a rough couple days for you." The little curly haired blond began to leave, but froze hearing Thorin's reply. 

"I didn't mean just tonight...I didn't throw Kili out for you, I did it for me. I need time to myself to figure out what it is that _I_ want." 

"Sounds like you're trying to decide between me and Kili?" Bilbo was pretty sure of it. 

Thorin on the other hand, honestly needed a break from any relationship, period. "I don't believe you understand. I gave you the chance to stay with me, and you shot me down. I seriously need time to myself, to focus on my team without the distraction of working on a relationship with anyone. Doesn't matter what you think about Kili either. Even if I ever was interested in Kili you have nothing to worry about. I do believe his heart is being won by Fili." 


	16. On Purpose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A big wreck has stirred things up.

It was a perfect day for racing with clear blue skies and warm breezes, all the drivers were experiencing a clean run with a limited amount of trading paint going on. As the laps dwindled toward the end of the race, there were a few cars that tangled ruining their chance for a win. 

Bilbo was running in the lead when Gandalf radioed some trouble ahead. A few cars at the end of pack had crashed, and with a little guidance from their spotter he was able to avoid any contact holding his lead spot.

After a the restart, Dwalin kept an eye on his second and third place drivers, making sure Fili and Legolas were helping block and draft for one to maintain their prime positions to win. 

Kili radioed Nori complaining about his tires not sticking well in the turns, and how loose the car had been handling. It was one thing after another, until Nori felt like his driver was just trying to find something to complain about because he wasn’t moving up the order as quickly as he would have liked wavering between sixth and ninth all day.

Thranduil on the other hand was quite disturbed not hearing much from his driver all day. Frerin’s radio was quiet as the seasoned driver did his job keeping a low profile running comfortably in the fifth spot behind Bard.

A half hour later, with just a few laps to go, Kili couldn’t stand running around sixth and seventh place in the pack anymore. He refused to stop for tires, and kept pushing his car to move up. Then before he could even begin to make a move to try and pass anyone, there was a crash.

With Frerin’s sight set on Fili’s bright blue car, Frerin had pushed his car to catch up to him. As he started into the second turn, Frerin’s car bumped the bumper of Fili’s car hard pushing him into Bilbo’s car causing them both to get loose enough to lose control going into the turn.

As Fili’s car slid sideways, Bard clipped the nose of his car, and Legolas avoid them, but crashed into Bilbo. As more cars began to crash into one another piling up the field, Frerin slipped quietly into first place. 

Through the smoke Kili maneuvered through the wreckage dodging mangled cars and debris on the track only being sideswiped once coming through fairly unscathed. The damage to Kili’s car wasn’t enough to keep him from running at a decent speed to get by everyone involved in the crash except Frerin whom he did not know at the moment had caused the wreckage.

The yellow flag came out and now Frerin was in the lead with just a few laps to go. Thorin screamed at Kili over his headset demanding he bring his car in for service. “You need tires! You can’t take a chance this close to the end! You’re fast enough to pass anyone that starts ahead of you! Get in here now!”

Kili radioed his crew chief, _“Where’s Frerin? Is he coming into the pits?”_

Nori shook his head. “Doesn’t matter what Frerin’s doing, get in here now!” Reluctantly Kili brought his car in to be serviced making it out of the pits before the pace car came around, and they were off and running again to finish the final few laps.

When it was all said and done, Frerin had won his first race in over a year, and Kili had his best finish to date coming in second. What Kili didn’t know until a fight broke out was how the crash had been started. Overhearing everyone shouting, right in the middle of it all was Fili and Frerin. 

Thorin ordered Kili to stay near their team while he ran headlong into the pile of people fighting to get to his brother. Legolas pushed his way through the crowd to grab Fili and pull him back just as Dwalin appeared in the middle of things to confront Frerin himself.

Dwalin was just about to throw his own punch at the race winner, when Thorin grabbed his arm holding him back. “Stop!” Thorin looked at his younger brother being held back by his crew chief, Glóin. Fili already got in enough good punches, Frerin’s bruised cheek and black eye was proof. “That’s enough!”

Fili jerked away from Legolas to get in Frerin’s face one last time to end this fight. “You fucking wrecked me on purpose you son of a bitch! Look what you’ve done to everyone! This isn’t over!”

Kili had slipped away from the media to climb up a platform where he had found Ori watching from above the melee. “What’s going on?” 

Ori shook his head frowning with disappointment. “Frerin caused the wreck when he ran into Fili, and now everyone’s fighting.”

“That’s just racing, why are they so upset?” The brunet driver had no problem with bumping accidents, well, at least if he wasn’t involved. 

Dwalin's boyfriend had been around racing long enough to know the difference between an accident and an intentional hit. “I saw the whole thing from up here. It wasn’t an accident. Frerin hit him hard shoving him into Bilbo, and that’s how everyone got messed up in it.”

Kili frowned now as well. He was a contact driver himself, but something told him, this wasn’t all about racing. He truly believed Frerin had intentionally sought out Fili to wreck his car on purpose.

~`~

Thorin congratulated his driver on his second place finish standing by his side having photos taken the two answered all the media’s questions. With one last pat on the back, Kili watched Thorin walk away...alone. There was an air of sadness in the way the proud man carried himself now, but wanting to be alone was his choice. 

Kili stepped away feeling pretty good about his finish in the race until he saw Fili. Realizing he probably only finished as well as he did because Frerin had taken out all the top contenders took away some of the glory. Fili had a great run and easily had the potential to win the race today. Watching the irate blond driver pacing around his garage area like a caged lion wanting to rip something, or someone apart, Kili approached his friend as such. "Fee...Are you alright?"

"Of all the asinine things anyone could do, wrecking my car is...unforgiveable! Why would anyone in their right mind intentionally try to crash someone knowing they could get hurt or killed?"

Kili couldn't breathe. It was something Fili said that jarred a memory he had purposely buried so deeply in his mind, hoping it would never be recovered. "I...I'm sure Frerin wasn't trying to kill you. Maybe he just really wanted to win bad enough, h-he didn't know what he was doing at the time he hit you." 

Fili never imagined Frerin would do such a thing to him. "No. I can't forgive that...there is no excuse for being so reckless..."

~`~

Frerin took a chance to drink in the hotel bar knowing other team members could also be there though he assumed none of them would be so bold as to start any sort of fight with him in the hotel. Taking a corner seat at the bar trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, he was joined by a very unexpected guest. 

“Legolas…I figured you’d be one of the first people who’d want to beat the shit out of me for wrecking you and your team mate today.” Frerin raised a curious brow.

“Why did you do it? Did you do it on purpose?” Fili blond team mate wasn't going to mince words with Frerin, he wanted answers.

“I wish I could say otherwise, but yes. I meant to wreck Fili. I’m truly sorry you and everyone else got involved in the crash.” Everyone knew what happened by now, there was nothing to hide.

“Is it all because he’s friends with Kili now…and not you?” Knowing he was right, Legolas continued working his way to the purpose of this chance meeting.

“I found out he’s more than friends with Kili…the two men I want the most have rejected me for each other.” The truth angered the darker blond.

“What if I told you I know someone who is interested in you?” Legolas had an angle, Frerin couldn't quite figure out.

“Are you serious?” He couldn’t believe what he was hearing from Fili’s team mate. 

Legolas ran a hand over Frerin's scarred forearm. "I believe we all cross paths with others for a purpose...I want to help you..."

~`~

Thorin sat alone in his RV watching replays of the race on the local news channel. He smiled seeing Frerin talking a miles a minute about his first win this season, but the smile faded as he began to have memories of conversations held between himself, Frerin and their sister in their younger years. _’Thorin! Did you see me? Did you see how I passed that car for the win?’ ‘Whatever, Frerin, you’ll never be as good of a driver as I am!’ ‘Thorin! You shouldn’t be so mean to Frerin! He looks up to you!’ ‘He’s fine, Dis, you worry too much about him!’ ‘I do worry about Frerin, because you never pay any attention to him! You’re so wrapped up in yourself, you can’t see how much he needs you and wants your approval!’_ "Oh, Frerin...what have I done to you?" 

Turning off the television, Thorin began putting away a few things. Opening one closet in particular, he saw something forcing him into memories of a more recent time. It was Kili’s sword. Rubbing a hand across the finely crafted metal, Thorin let himself smile for a fleeting moment. _'How would I have felt about Frerin if he hurt Kili or Bilbo in that wreck? What would I do if he ever hurt either of them on purpose?'_

The RV seemed so quiet without Kili around, he thought as he pulled off his clothes preparing for a good night sleep. Thorin chuckled at himself when he found himself lying so far over to one side of his large mattress. Scooting to the center of the bed, he also noted how empty his bed felt without Kili lying next to him as well. Running a hand over the pillow next to him, he pulled it against his body. _'I wish Kili would have talked to me at the hotel that one morning. Could he possibly have wanted to be with me, and now I'm losing him to Fili? He so young and carefree, he makes me feel so young again! Maybe his spirit is what I want...what I...love...about him...'_ Thorin swallowed hard at the thought. _'Love him?'_

Now he couldn't sleep. Picking up his phone, Thorin began flipping through what seemed like endless text messages and adorable pictures of Bilbo he sighed. _'Bilbo is so mature, we have such intelligent conversations and have so many similar interests!...He loves me...'_ Thorin turned off his phone staring at the dark RV ceiling. _'Why can't I just be happy being alone? Why does everything have to be so complicated?'_


	17. Oh Kili

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili's actions are inadvertently testing Fili's friendship as well as Thorin's nerves, and Frerin's got a new friend.

Fili got out of his SUV at the storage garages seeing Kili poking at something with a long stick. "What are you doing?" Suddenly the blond stepped back terrified to see what his friend was doing near the garage door. 

Kili held up the stick holding a diamondback rattlesnake. "It's just a snake, Fili!" 

"For fucks sake Kili, it's a rattlesnake! What are you doing?" In a flash, Fili got back inside the safety of his car watching Kili carry the stick with the snake hanging on it over to the scrub field behind the garages tossing it away. Only then did he emerge from his car again. 

"You're one crazy son of a bitch! That wasn't a very big stick to be carrying that big-ass snake with!" The blond was still shaken by the large deadly reptile. 

Kili laughed at his friend who obviously didn't grow up a desert rat like himself. "We used to play with them snakes all the time, you pussy!" Fili didn't care what names Kili called him, he wasn't embarrassed by the fact he was terrified of venomous snakes. 

Going about his business, Kili opened his storage garage and parked his car inside preparing her for another long stay.

“Is that a tear I see?” Fili teased his friend watching Kili lock the storage garage leaving behind his prized possession once again.

“Pfft, No!” Kili snorted, quickly and discreetly wiping an eye as Fili turned away to get something out of his SUV.

The car was pretty much the only thing he owned besides the clothes he toted around in bags, and a couple fairly large boxes of old trophies he had left in Thorin’s motorhome. Thorin had just pulled in stopping by the storage garage to drop off the boxes to him. He had no idea what had been inside those boxes all this time, until Fili asked to see.

Reluctantly, Kili opened one of the boxes allowing Fili and Thorin see the many awards stored within the box. For someone who craved praise and attention, he quietly watched the two look through his things without grand stories of spectacular victories or championship wins.

“I had no idea you were this great of a driver, Kee!” Fili was certainly impressed by all the first place trophies and championship cups only one box held knowing there even more in the second box. 

Thorin held one of the cups, glancing up at his driver. “I honestly didn’t either.”

Kili smirked at his boss. “Really? Then why did you hire me?”

“Well, I knew you were a good driver in your division, and Nori told me of your many wins, but…” The team owner began to think back to the moment his saw Kili on television.

Raising a brow, Kili was a little shocked Thorin didn't seem to know that much about his racing career. “You seriously didn’t do your homework before you offered me a job to drive for you?”

“I knew you were good, and I felt you had the potential to be a great driver in our division with a little help from me.” Being an organized businessman and stat checker, he had to admit to himself he didn't research his driver thoroughly before he hired him.

Kili took a few steps closer to his boss giving him a curious look. “Why did you _want_ me…to drive for you?”

Fili's brow kneaded together. He knew where this was going, so he sat the smaller trophy he held carefully back into the box, and slipped inside his SUV leaving the two to their private discussion.

“I had just about given up hope finding a driver for my new team, when Nori and I saw you win a race on television. You seemed to have the fire and determination to win I was looking for, giving me the impression you had serious potential to be a winner. To be a champion.”

“Is that all? I think there was more…” Kili gave him _that_ look. 

Thorin stumbled over his words for a moment. “I-I thought…you also had marketing potential.”

Another smirk grew across the young driver’s face. “Marketing potential, huh? Is that your indirect way of saying you thought I was hot?" 

“Your merchandise is one of the top sellers, bringing in tons of money for us and our sponsors, not to mention all the guest appearances. I suppose you have a lot of fans from your old division that continued to follow you now. Being a successful championship driver and all.” Trying to ignore Kili's comment, he thought his response sounded good. 

The late morning desert sun was getting a bit warmer than usual being put on the spot. Thorin put the gold cup he held into the box lying next to them. “You had the makings of a marketable, championship winning driver.”

Kili wet his lips watching how oddly uncomfortable he just made his boss. He was by no means ready to flirt with him again at this point because Thorin had made things clear between them, he was only his driver. “I’ll put these away now. Thanks for stopping by to bring them to me. Guess I’ll see you in a couple days.”

Looking exceptionally fine this morning, Thorin couldn’t take his eyes off Kili lifting the boxes putting them away noticing how his browned skin made his biceps look even more defined. "No problem, and yeah. I'll see you in a few days at the hotel." 

"Uh, about that. I decided I want to share a room with Fili." Kili wasn't sure how Thorin was going to take that news. 

There wasn't anything he could say about it. Thorin just gave him a nod and a fake grin before he left. "Good. You two have a safe trip, and I'll see you soon." 

Fili waited and watched for Kili to join him inside the SUV. Observing the interaction between Thorin and Kili, he could see there was tension between them, and he sensed there was a reason. Maybe their night in the garage did mean something to Thorin after all, and even though he told himself he wasn’t ready for a relationship with anyone, the thought of losing Kili to Thorin was starting to bother him.

“Kee…are you still feeling something for him?” Fili knew, but hoped otherwise.

“Yeah…it’s hard for me to be around him now. I think I understand why he kicked me out, but…I miss him.”

~`~

For years before Legolas drove in this division of auto racing, he was ever present in his father’s garage and was an actual crew member for Frerin for one season two years before he joined Dwalin’s team as a rookie driver this year. He looked up to Frerin and admired him as a good race car driver, but forever found him very attractive. 

Never letting anyone know how he felt for years, he had become somewhat jealous of Fili when he told him over a year ago how much he liked Frerin, and then eventually those two got together. Even knowing what went on between Fili and Frerin and what caused the end of their relationship, the fair blue eyed blond was willing to see if he could be the one Frerin needed.

Legolas had spoken to his father in length about Frerin’s issues, and he was sure he could take care of him. Thranduil was not excited about the idea of his son getting involved with Frerin, not only because of his known issues, but because they drove against one another as competitors in which Legolas was still a team mate of Frerin’s ex making things a little complicated. He asked Legolas to try to keep their relationship low-key fearing how Dwalin would react, thinking Thranduil might be trying to sabotage his team’s efforts using his son. 

Frerin woke up with the first smile on his face he’d had in a very long time. Not just because of the new blond lying in his bed next to him, but because he was already plotting ways to get his Fili back. To feel his strong muscular body against his own again, he would do anything for his little blond. He knew he made a huge mistake trying to wreck Fili, but couldn’t stop himself from feeling rage toward him knowing he gave himself to Kili. It wasn’t going to be easy to win him back, but he was ready to try anything because in his mind Fili was worth the effort.

~`~

Fili and Kili had been driving all day when passing through a small town they decided to stop at a tavern for a few drinks before calling it a night in the next town. The small tavern was located on the main road it was common for travelers to stop in, though many locals were regulars there. 

It was late in the evening when they stopped at the tavern, and they had already been there for a few hours when Kili left to go to the restroom. Sitting alone at the bar, Fili was approached by a man he noticed had been glancing over at him all evening.

"Hey, are you the famous race car driver, Fili? And was that Kili sitting with you?" The tall fair man with long brown hair was dressed in biker clothing. Fili assumed the motorcycles they saw in the parking lot belonged to this guy and his friend.

"Yes, I am and yes, that's Kili. And you are?" Fili was always friendly with anyone who recognized him in public. It was just part of being famous, but he was also a little wary of strangers approaching him in small establishments such as this.

"Lindir. Nice to meet you. I'm actually a fan of yours." The young fan was very handsome, and captivated Fili immediately with his soft brown eyes. He wasn't the typical hardcore biker like his friend appeared to be.

Fili smiled and shook the man's hand. "Thank you, and it's nice to meet you too. Would you like to join us?"

Lindir took a seat and looked back at his friend still sitting alone at a table. "Are you and Kili together? I mean _together_?"

The blond reluctantly answered shaking his head and grinned. "No. We're just friends."

"My friend over there wanted to meet Kili, but he thought you two were together." The young fan motioned for his friend to join them at the bar. 

When Kili came back, they all introduced themselves and he slipped comfortably into conversation with the man who wanted to meet him. After quite a few drinks, Fili wanted to leave, but Kili said he wanted to go for a ride on this guy's bike with him. 

Fili hadn't learned yet to go with his gut feeling, but agreed to stay there at the tavern and wait for him assuming he wouldn't be gone too long. Lindir had excused himself and left about an hour later when his friend and Kili hadn't returned. Kili's blond friend was losing patience waiting as time was ticking away getting closer to closing time not hearing anything from him or returning his text messages. He had texted him several times with no answer, and was now beginning to worry about him as they had been gone for nearly two hours.

Not knowing what to do, Fili texted the only person he could think of to help him. Thorin. The older wiser brunet woke up instantly hearing Kili was possibly in trouble again. Meeting with Fili in the tavern parking lot they waited in the RV just a little longer after Thorin tried texting Kili as well with no response. They decided to drive down the road not sure what they were looking for. Anything could've happened. They could've had a wreck, the man may have taken off with Kili knowing he was famous, the possibilities seemed endless at this point not knowing anything.

Fili was exhausted from driving all day, but his adrenaline had kicked in worrying about his friend keeping him going. As the RV rolled down the rural route, Fili noticed a roadside motel with about twelve motorcycles parked in the lot. "Thorin! I'm not sure, but I know one of those bikes. Maybe Kili's here." Fili had walked outside the tavern with Lindir when he was ready to leave, so he knew exactly what Lindir's motorcycle looked like. Being a custom made bike, it was distinguishable from the rest.

Problem now was, it was in the middle of the night, and no sign of life with all the lights out at the motel. They surely didn't want to start knocking on motel room doors waking bikers. "Now what do we do?" Fili tried to text Kili one more time telling him they were outside the motel, but still no reply.

As luck would have it, Lindir happened to come outside his room to get something from his bike. Fili immediately called for him to stop. "Lindir! Do you know where your friend and Kili are? I've been trying to get ahold of Kili for hours!" 

Lindir looked to the last door of the motel. "The end room. His bike was here when I got here after I left you at the bar." He gave Fili a sweet look. "Would you like to stay with me tonight? You could meet up with Kili in the morning?"

As tempting as that sounded, Fili was too angry with his friend to answer otherwise. "No. Sorry, I need to find Kili so we can leave." 

Lindir saw Thorin standing near his RV. "Is that..." 

Fili cut him off. "Yes. Kili's in trouble."

After Lindir went back inside his room, Fili told Thorin which room he thought Kili was in. Thorin marched right up to the motel room door, and began pounding his fist against the door.

"Kili! If you're in there, you better get your ass out here right now!" Thorin wasn't prepared for what he saw when the door opened swiftly.

"What the fuck do you want?" A naked large burly angry looking man whipped open the door glaring at Thorin and Fili as he growled at them. Looking past the man, they saw Kili tied to the bed. Being naked, bound and gagged it was pretty obvious now why he hadn't answered any text he had been receiving for hours. It was a very awkward situation because Thorin and Fili had no idea if the predicament Kili was in was with consent or not.

"Kili? Are you alright?" Thorin held his breath hoping for the answer he received. Kili nodded, but then shook his head as if he had had enough of whatever was going on here. _'Oh Kili'_

Thorin stood a little taller puffing himself up to match the burly man's stance. He spoke in an even tone making his statement clear. "Let him go. He needs to come us now." 

The large biker looked back at Kili to ask. "Do you want to go with them?" When Kili nodded yes, the man went to the bed and began untying the naked brunet while Fili and Thorin stepped away from the building to wait for him. 

Thorin felt sick bending over with his hands on his knees trying to catch his breath, Fili put a hand on his back. "I swear Fili, that boy's going to be the death of me...promise me you won't let him out of your sight again." Fili saw Kili leaving the motel room to join them. "I promise, Thorin."

Kili kept his head down as he approached the two waiting for him. "I didn't mean for anybody to worry about me. I'm sorry I wasn't able to answer your texts." 

Waiting for Thorin to lecture him again, Kili was almost sad that he didn't. The older brunet didn't have the energy to lecture the boy again. He only poked a finger at him, and hissed. "You need to stop being so stupid, Kili. You're going to get yourself killed." Thorin walked away to board the RV. "You two, get in the RV. I'll take you back to the tavern to get Fili's car." 

Inside the RV on the way back to the tavern, Fili laid down on the sofa next to where Kili sat. "I'm sorry, Fee." Kili hesitantly touched Fili's soft curls brushing his fingers through his long hair. 

Fili relished the gentle touch accepting his friend's apology, though he wasn't going to let this incident go like Thorin did. "I was angry, then I was worried because you never answered my texts. But I know why you didn't." The blond wanted to erase the vision of his friend tied to bed from his memory, but he couldn't. "Don't ever do something stupid like that again, Kee. You didn't even know that guy! He could've really hurt you or killed you! Besides, you're famous. You don't need some freak taking pictures to blackmail you somehow!"

That's all Kili needed to hear. Thorin didn't say it, Fili did. It was all the affirmation he needed to know that someone cared about him. "I promise I won't do anything like that again. Thanks for being such a good friend, Fee." Indeed, Kili always forgot how famous he was. Everyone who knew anything about racing knew who he was now. If he didn't want to ruin he career, he was going to have to mind his carefree, wild ways from now on. 


	18. What Do You Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili's not sure how to take Thorin's comments these days, and Thorin's not sure why he keeps making them. Fili overhears a confession, and Bilbo and Thorin have a discussion about their relationship.

Kili had always taken his racing seriously, and wanted more than anything to be the best. After realizing how much pressure there was placed upon him being so famous, he took it even more serious getting down to business. 

As the weeks passed by, race after race Kili showed some improvement moving up in the point standings finishing consistently in the top ten. Nori was impressed by how focused their driver had become, even letting Kili help with some of the mechanics when he found out how what a brilliant mechanic he was, being so intelligent underneath the layers of immaturity he portrayed most of the time. 

After their head mechanic walked away for a moment, Kili continued to work on the engine of his race car in the garage there at the racetrack. Thorin joined him leaning over the side of the car to see what he was doing. The car owner’s deep voice speaking to him made the part-time mechanic smile. “Not many drivers get to work on their own cars in this division of racing. You’re pretty special.”

Still cranking the wrench he worked with, Kili turned his head to look at his boss watching him. “I like working with my hands.”

“You’re very good with your hands.” As soon as the comment had slipped from his lips, Thorin couldn’t take it back. He didn’t mean to sound like he was flirting with his driver. “I-I mean that you’re a good mechanic.” _'Why do I always end up sounding like a babbling idiot around him!'_

Kili knew what he meant. He just grinned about the twisted words, but maybe there was something subconsciously interjected in that comment. “I know I'm a good driver, but I’d like to take credit for how good the engine runs too.”

“Of course! You've been doing great lately. I'm proud of you.” Still leaning over the side of the car, Thorin placed a hand on his driver's back as he smiled warmly giving his driver more encouragement to continue the path he's taken. 

“Do you need anything from me?” The curious look Kili gave him caused his boss to freeze. 

There was something about not what he asked, but how he asked along with Thorin's touch that prompted Kili to react in a way he didn't mean to. It just happened. His expression turned serious as he slowly leaned toward Thorin as if he wanted to kiss him. "Do you feel that?" There was an unseen force drawing them together. Thorin felt it too, but tried to deny it until the feeling was broken bringing them both back with the sound of a familiar voice. 

"Thorin?" Bilbo said with some concern. "Could I have a word with you please?" 

When he saw the little blond standing at the edge of the garage opening, Thorin knew it was time to walk away as he stood upright, and asked Kili, "I mean, do you need anything to drink? Need me to get you any tools or parts before I go? Anything?" 

Kili would have answered _'Yes. I need you.'_ , but instead his dark eyes glared at Bilbo. “No...I’m good.” With a shake of his messy ponytail, he looked back down and continued to work on the engine. Listening carefully to their brief conversation, he couldn't contain the tiny smile that danced upon his lips. 

"Bilbo, can we talk later? Dwalin needed to see me about something important." Thorin picked up his water bottle and began to walk by him. 

Exasperated the increasing frustrated blond spat, "And what I need to talk to you about isn't important?" 

"I don't have time for this!" Thorin snapped. He wasn't in the mood for pouty behavior. He left the garage to find Dwalin knowing his friend did have something very important he wanted to discuss. 

~`~

Fili heard someone shuffling around their garage area, and when he saw who it was he was not happy. Quietly he sat where he was on the floor of the garage behind his car wondering what Frerin could possibly be doing there, but the answer to his question was about to be revealed. 

The blond’s curious blue eyes grew wide when he saw his ex-lover and his team mate slide silently into one another’s arms for a passionate kiss. Fili muffled the tiny squeak that had escaped him hoping he hadn’t given himself away. 

In a hushed tone, the two lovers conversed briefly before parting. “Frerin, it’s getting harder to stay away from you. It’s been over a month since we first slept together. I wish we didn’t have to hide anymore!”

“I don’t want to hide anymore either.” Frerin returned the sentiment, though he was not speaking of hiding his relationship with Legolas.

Fili’s mind raced wondering why these two of all people, had fallen for one another. Why would his ex-boyfriend and lover be sleeping with his team mate? He understood why Legolas would fall for Frerin. Fili had an inkling for years the boy had a thing for his father’s driver. Sensing when he told Legolas long ago how much he liked Frerin, there was a spark of jealousy from the young blond when Frerin fell for Fili instead.

Yet Fili doubted Frerin’s reasons for being with Legolas now. Never knowing for sure on the night they broke up, if Frerin was speaking the truth when he told him he loved him. The blond felt it was a last ditch effort to keep him from leaving him when he had been caught trying to mess around with Kili.

After Legolas left the garage, Frerin stood alone speaking out loud to himself. He sounded full of sorrow, and the most sincere Fili had ever heard the man speak. “I don’t want to hide how much I still love _Fili_ …” 

Trying to remain silent, Fili was stunned not sure what to feel hearing the pure and honest confession from the one he once loved. _‘Frerin really did…does love me…”_

~`~

Dwalin paced around inside his RV rambling on to Thorin, who was sitting in a chair taking in all his friend had to say expressing his concerns about his driver. "Don't take this personally, Thorin, but I don't trust your brother. He's up to no good, I can feel it! Legolas is young and naïve, I'm afraid Frerin's taking advantage of him! They don't think I know they've been together for weeks, but I've been watching and I know. Legolas hasn't been the same, and his driving is suffering for it!"

Thorin understood all too well that sentiment. "Then talk to him about it. I know Frerin's changed for the better, I guess now I know why."

"Frerin is better because of Legolas, but he's not doing Legolas any good! Maybe this was Thranduil's plan all along! I tell you, I wouldn't put anything past that miserable..." Dwalin was fired up as Thranduil knew he would be when he found out.

"Dwalin! I know you don't like him, but I can't see Thranduil doing anything as devious as you're implying at the expense of his son. Maybe Legolas and Frerin are really taken with each other?" Thorin was just as confused and shocked by this pairing, but didn't see anything underhanded going on. 

Taking a deep breath, Dwalin still couldn't fathom their relationship, and was very intuitive. "Legolas is nothing like Fili. Frerin and Fili were good together, but I can't see those two, eggghh! I'm telling you, he's up to no good, and if he's playing Legolas to get back to Fili, he's going to cause a rift between my drivers, and I ain't having it!"

"Like I said, talk to Legolas about it! Talking things out is the best way to deal with these situations." Just as Thorin said it, Dwalin laughed seeing the look on his friend's face. 

"You should take your own advice, my friend." Dwalin couldn't have been more spot-on. 

~`~

Standing atop his platform, Gandalf timed the other drivers as they practiced. It was obvious Kili had made major improvements to his car, and was looking good to place well in the starting line-up this weekend. 

Bilbo leaned against the fence looking forlorn. His team owner left his platform to pull him aside for a chat. “I’ve noticed you haven’t been venturing off to see Thorin the past few weeks. Could this be the reason you’re not driving to the best of your abilities?”

The little blond shook his head. “No. The car isn’t handling well. They can’t seem to get it right.”

“Hmm, I see. From the tone you just took on me, I’d say the car is fine, and my driver’s head isn’t in the game. Forget about Thorin, and focus on your driving.” Gandalf had been in his shoes more than a few times during his own racing career, he knew what he spoke of. 

“What? Maybe I don’t want to forget about Thorin!” Realizing he had raised his voice at the car owner, he hadn’t noticed Thorin was not far away, and heard him.

The brunet dropped his head after seeing the look Gandalf gave him. He knew the heartache he’d caused the older team owner’s driver. In his personal journey to find peace and happiness for himself, he’d hurt a lot of people he cared about, but in the end it was good for all of them, or at least that’s what he thought. 

He threw himself into his work with his race team doing interviews, going off to meetings, whatever the case might be, Thorin was finally in sync with his job now. Kili was focusing more on his driving and working as a team player with the crew. Frerin had left Kili alone, and calmed down. He wasn’t drinking anymore, and Thranduil had informed Dis that her brother had also finally stopped cutting feeling better about himself these days. 

Though Thorin still worried about everyone, he felt more relaxed and at peace with himself than he had in a very long time spending time alone in the evenings. Staying focused and working hard during the day, he was able to free his mind in the evenings to allow himself to enjoy the little things that kept him calm and relaxed. Reading a book, watching movies, listening to music, whatever he did, he did because it made _him_ happy. 

But there was one person that seemed to have suffered the most over his solitude on his quest for peace and happiness. It was the one person he least wanted to hurt, and yet had all but forgotten about. 

Bilbo had become depressed over their situation. Frerin didn’t need Thorin to solve all his problems anymore, and though Kili wasn't traveling with Thorin anymore or sleeping in his bed, he was actually spending more alone time than ever with him at their garages or at the tracks working on their race cars together. 

Fili had become too busy with his team, and was spending more of his free time with Dwalin than Kili these days. So where did that leave him? Bilbo walked away passing by the other team’s garages. 

Thorin tried to follow after him knowing he was going to Gandalf’s RV to get away. “Bilbo, wait! Please!” 

“Are you sure there isn't someone else that needs you more than I do right now? I don’t want to be a burden to you.” Nothing but sarcasm would do at the moment.

“What? You’re NOT a burden! Why would you say that? I've never felt that way about you!” It was rather a slap in the face. 

“It’s pretty simple. See, you worried so much about Kili and Frerin, you forgot about me! But that’s alright, because I don’t want you to have to _make_ time for me. You shouldn’t have to _make_ an effort to see me or to make plans to do anything with me. You should just do it because you _want_ to.” The blond was on a roll, as he continued on.

“Earlier you brushed me off to talk to Dwalin basically telling me what he had to talk about was more important than what I had to talk to you about! I see where I fit in your life now, and it’s not where I want to be. Everyone else is always more important than I am to you!”

"Bilbo, I'm so sorry. You're very important to me! You've always been...you're always okay! You never _need_ anything from me, and I guess I've taken that for granted. I'm so very sorry." The only solid relationship he ever had was falling apart.

Blunt and to the point as always, Bilbo wasn't mincing words. "You're right. I never need anything _from_ you. I just need you, but you obviously don't need me. I don’t know what’s happened to you. Ever since you've been around Kili, from the day you started working with him last year, you’ve changed Thorin. You’re not the man I once knew before you met him. He has changed you.” 

Being honest with himself, he had forgotten Bilbo. Not because he wanted to, but for the reasons the man pointed out to him. He wasn't a burden, he had no reason to worry about him, he was _perfect_. "I can't tell you enough how sorry I am for how I've treated you. You've always been so mature and responsible, and I shouldn't let that slip away." 

"And I hear a 'but' about to follow that comment. If you have to think about us, then the answer is clear." Bilbo was tired of being put on hold.

Thorin hesitated to answer when he looked up seeing Kili walking by in the distance watching him, locking eyes with him. "Well, Thorin?..." 


	19. Love Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love hurts when you can't have the one you want.

Kili was lying on his bed in their hotel room watching television when Fili came in, and went straight to bed without a word. Not that the blond was as talkative as he was anyway, Kili still found it odd for his friend to be so completely silent.

“Fee? Is there something wrong?” When he didn’t receive an answer, Kili went over to the other bed and laid down next to him. “Hey? What’s going on?”

Fili sighed knowing Kili wasn’t going to leave him alone until he said something, he knew he needed to reply somehow. Maybe it would make him feel better to share what he found out earlier that day. “Well…Frerin is fucking my team mate, but he apparently loves me.”

For once Kili was speechless. He had no idea how to respond to such unexpected news. In a weak attempt to comfort his friend, he just put a hand on Fili’s arm and sort of patted him. “I’m sorry?”

“Kee…you really suck at this caring thing…”

“I’m sorry? I don’t know what to say, Fili!" Kili propped himself up on his elbow. "How do you know all this about Frerin?”

“I saw them in our garage this morning, and after Legolas left, Frerin just said it out loud to himself that he still loves me. Maybe he's feeling guilty for possibly using Legolas. I don’t know what to think!” The blond's emotions were tangled and the knot in his stomach hurt. He rubbed a hand over his face and beard before raking his fingers through his long curls. 

Kili looked down at the sheet his fingers mindlessly toyed with before glancing back up to see the look in Fili's blue eyes. “If it is true…do you think you could forgive him, and start over?”

Fili reached up to brush a bit of raven hair from Kili's face, and rest his hand against the brunet's bearded jaw. “I don’t know…I do know that love hurts…especially when you can’t have what you want…”

~`~

A few weeks had gone by since Bilbo agreed to travel with Thorin and stay in his RV at the racetracks. On this warm evening as Thorin walked across the garage area, rounding the corner of a building near the restroom to go ‘home’ to his RV for the evening, he caught sight of a couple who thought they were hidden in a small darken alcove of the building, but obviously were not. 

The two men were tangled in a heated kiss with hands roaming everywhere, and hair all a mess. A familiar race uniform had caught his eye that made him stop in his tracks just past the alcove. Thorin shook his head. “Kili?” 

Thorin stood away from where the men were so they knew he wasn’t watching them. Kili stepped out from the alcove leaving his apparent lover behind to find out what his boss wanted from him now. 

Thorin couldn’t take his eyes of Kili’s eyes that appeared darker than usual causing his eyes to darken. “Kili? Why?”

“Why the fuck not?” This tone was more personal now. “I’m horny!"

"Do you even know him?" Thorin's concern was sincere, but unwarranted and Kili didn't appreciate it this time. 

"Why do you care who I screw?” Kili couldn’t understand why Thorin would care so much about his sex life. 

“Because I do care about you! Did you just meet him?” For some reason even Thorin couldn't understand, he was feeling something besides concern for the brunet as Kili began to notice how the older brunet's eyes were beginning to darken. 

“No! It’s not like that night at the motel, Thorin. I'll never do that again. I do know this guy, he’s a crew member from Bard’s team. We talk pretty often, we just don’t make ourselves public is all!” Looking away for a moment, Kili continued to wonder up was up with Thorin's lustful eyes. _'Is he...jealous?'_

Thorin exhaled deeply, looking away when the other man came out of hiding. “I still worry about you, Kee.” 

“Stop worrying about me…You need to worry about Bilbo…right?” Kili stepped away from Thorin throwing an arm around his evening partner they walked away.

~`~

Thorin went home to his RV, and began stripping off his clothes for a shower. Opening one of the closet doors to grab a shirt he saw the swords he had bought for himself and Kili. Memories of that fun day made him smile. Then visions of Kili making out with Bard’s crew man made him frown.

“Thorin?” Bilbo called from the bedroom. “I left dinner warming in the oven for you if you’re hungry.” 

The smell of pot roast and warm dinner rolls filled the air. “Smells wonderful, thank you.” Life with Bilbo felt so comfortable, it was as if they had been married for years. The sweet things his boyfriend did for him daily was much appreciated. In all the years of marriage, his wife had never been so good to him.

Climbing into the small shower, feeling the warm water flow through his hair and over his body, Thorin relaxed. Until he began to think about Kili and that other man again. _’It’s none of my business who Kili’s sleeping with. Why does it bother me so much?’_

Leaning against the shower wall, he reminisced about all the crazy things Kili had done since he met him. Then he thought about the night Kili approached him in the garage. _’Isn’t this what you’ve been wanting?’_ Thorin closed his eyes and took his cock into his hand. _’Fuck me, Thorin_ The water let his fist glide over his hardening shaft with ease. Trying to replay every moment of fucking Kili on the hood of that race car, Thorin gasped at the sensation of the shower water beating down on the sensitive skin of his arousal. 

What a lovely sight, he thought tightening his firm grip around his throbbing cock rocking a little rougher into his fist remembering how beautiful Kili looked lying beneath him begging him to fuck him harder. His deliciously erotic raven haired lover enchanted him beyond his imagination begging for more of his large cock. Kili was completely insatiable no matter their position or how rough or how deeply he thrust into him he couldn't get enough spreading his legs wider for him. With Kili one all fours, Thorin knew he had to have left marks on his lovers hips as his fingers dug into his skin while he fucked him harder and faster trying to satisfy both their needs. 

Bilbo opened the bathroom just in time to see Thorin vigorously pumping himself to climax shooting his cum into the air of the shower stall splashing against the shower door, the rest of his white seed covered his hands. _“Kili! Oh Kili…”_ He panted heavily under his breath. He shook his head as he opened his eyes seeing Bilbo through the foggy shower door. _‘Oh fuck, did he hear me?’_

The bathroom door closed, and Thorin hung his head as he began to clean himself off. Part of him wanted to feel guilty, but it wasn’t like he was really doing anything wrong. It was just a fantasy he had played out in his mind to get himself off, but he knew because he said Kili's name, if Bilbo heard him, his boyfriend was going to have questions and a lot of them.

Fortunately for Thorin, Bilbo never brought up anything about hearing him say Kili's name as he came in the shower. However, after joining Bilbo in bed, his boyfriend did want to know why he was pleasuring himself before going to bed with him. "Am I not enough for you? Or were you so horny you couldn't wait to come to bed and make love to me so you had to jackoff in the shower?" 

"That's what you're upset about? Bilbo, I'll be ready to go again in a little bit." After lying together cuddling for a half hour or so, Thorin rolled his little blond over to show him how ready he was to make love to him. 

Everything about the way Bilbo touched him was perfect. Their bodies fell in sync the way they always had, but something was wrong. Maybe it was because he recently had an orgasm, Thorin was getting frustrated that he couldn't get off. Bilbo was doing whatever he could think of to help his frustrated lover, at the same time he was actually beginning to get angry about it when he spat, "Maybe you need to shut your eyes and pretend I'm Kili you're fucking..."

In utter shock, Thorin pushed himself up looking down at his increasingly angry lover. "Why would you say that?" 

"I _heard_ you..."

~`~

It was race day. Kili was starting in second place, the best start he'd had all season. Thorin was proud of him, but noticeably distant with him. Kili didn't like it. He knew something was wrong because Thorin always made him feel special and comfortable before he left him to race. Nori pulled up the window net and wished his driver good luck, and the cars pulled away to follow the pace car. 

Nori even noticed something was strained between their driver and car owner. "You haven't been yourself the past couple days, Thorin. What's up?"

Thorin had done a lot of soul searching, and finally admitted to himself how he felt. "I'm torn, Nori. I know what's best for me." It was the simple truth he gave him, but Nori asked for more. "And I know what I want, but can't have...and it hurts...a lot..." 

When Kili won his first race this day, Thorin celebrated with his team and his driver watching his elated young winner savor the moment being showered with all the accolades a winner deserved. The one thing Kili wanted the most was the one thing Thorin wanted to give, but neither would fulfill their wish for neither one still did not know how much the other meant to them. Another opportunity missed, another moment in time where they would only speak to one another's heart through the look in their eyes.


	20. Tension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of tension is building between drivers and teams.  
> Kili's painful memories of his past have begun to haunt him.

Another town, another day before another race. Frerin casually walked through Dwalin’s garage area on his way to see Legolas, but felt the need to stop and chat with Fili upon seeing him standing alone outside his team’s stall. It was the first time since Frerin intentionally wrecked Fili, they had spoken. 

“Hey.” Frerin could feel the tension between them as Fili gave him a wary look. “I never apologized to you for my stupid move a couple months ago when I wrecked your car. I’m sorry. That was completely reckless and I know better, I shouldn’t have done that no matter what...I was completely enraged when I found out you had sex with Kili, and wanted to get back at you somehow, but I was out of line.”

“How did you know about that?”

“Kili told me when he was wasted.”

“Of course he did.” Fili grumbled.

“Fili…I miss you.” It was simple, it was sincere, and Fili believed him. He knew Frerin well enough to know by his tone and body language, the words he spoke came from the heart. Frerin saw Legolas watching them from his garage stall next to Fili’s. “I guess I should go now.”

Instead of letting Frerin come to him, Legolas strode right over to them. Without discretion standing out in the open, the blond gave Frerin a full-on passionate kiss right in front of Fili and everyone nearby exposing their relationship to all that were witness.

Fili just stood there, looking away before Frerin’s blue eyes caught his. Those deep blue eyes apologized profusely for Legolas’s actions as he hurried away. Fili smirked at his team mate. “That wasn’t necessary…grow up already.” 

As Fili turned to walk away, Legolas reached out and grabbed his shoulder spinning him back around to face him. “Frerin’s mine now. Stay away from him!”

The golden blond just glared at his team mate. He was not going to let that boy threaten him. “No one, including you, will _ever_ tell me who I can or cannot talk to! You’re a grown man, Legolas, stop acting like a jealous pussy. If you’re that concerned about Frerin talking to me, you must not be very confident about your relationship with him.”

The younger blond had never had words with Fili, ever. They had been good friends for years, and so far in Legolas’s rookie season as Fili’s team mate, they’ve worked well together, but all of that was about to crumble. 

Just as Legolas tried to say something, his words became tangled, and Fili snapped at him again. “If you have something to say to me, then fucking say it!” 

Dwalin rushed to intervene immediately when he overheard and saw the confrontation between his drivers beginning. “Whatever is going on between you two, it needs to end right here, right now! We are a team and the two of you need to work together regardless of your personal problems with one another, do you understand me?” 

Legolas coward from his team owner’s gruff voice. Fili knew when his uncle meant business, and he certainly wasn’t playing with these two now. Dwalin made them shake hands, and shooed them on their way to their respective garages to get ready to test run their cars before qualifying began.

Dwalin’s keen eyes scanned the area. “Thranduil…” 

~`~

Gandalf stood steadfast almost protectively watching over his team keeping an eye on Thorin. If that dark haired car owner came anywhere near his driver, he was ready to skin-change into a mother bear. Thorin knew better, and had no intention of having a showdown with Gandalf. He knew he would lose.

Keeping his distance, though he had nothing to say to Bilbo, his ex-boyfriend wasn't done with him. The argument they’d had about Thorin’s obsession with Kili still bothered him. He never let Thorin explain himself that night in the RV over hearing him say Kili’s name in the heat of passion while bringing himself to climax in the shower. 

Though it seemed pointless now, Bilbo couldn’t let it go, and wanted answers. Gandalf tried to stop his driver from leaving their garage area to speak with Thorin, but he insisted he wouldn’t be able to focus on anything until they had this discussion.

Thorin braced himself for the storm heading his way. Bilbo didn’t want to make a scene, but he was still angry and wanted to get right to the point. “Thorin, I need a word with you…now.”

Stepping away far enough from anyone to hear their conversation, Bilbo wanted to know two things in particular. “I left in a hurry, and wasn’t thinking straight when I did. I have to know, and please be honest with me…were you having sex with Kili while you were with me?”

Adamantly shaking his head no, Thorin defended himself honestly on that note. “Absolutely not.”

“Alright then…you’re obviously attracted to him. I’ll be honest and admit, I had my own fantasies about him, so I understand, but I still think there’s more between you two, so let me rephrase my question…have you ever had sex with Kili?”

Now Thorin knew this was the end of the road. He wouldn’t lie to Bilbo any more than he would cheat on him. It was time to confess being put on the spot. “Once…when you and I were split up. Kili did what he does best…he came on to me. I wanted him, and we did it. That was the end of it.”

The little blond’s heart sank, but he was grateful for Thorin’s honesty. He was also grateful to know he never cheated on him. Thorin did care tremendously for him, and never wanted to hurt him. He had fallen for Kili, and could never fully commit to a solid relationship with Bilbo. The mature little blond would be the sensible choice, but Thorin couldn’t help how he truly felt in his heart and soul. 

Though Kili was so much younger, and Thorin felt he would never have a relationship with him, he couldn’t go on pretending to be complete with Bilbo. He was living a lie, and it wasn’t fair to either of them. Thorin believed Kili was just a young tease and that he would have to fantasize about him from a distance, and hope that someday he could get over him and move on.

As Bilbo left Thorin, he felt a weight lifted from him. He was free to move on with his life as well. Thorin would always be special to him obviously, but he knew it was really over between them. He didn’t have a problem with Thorin…he had a problem with Kili.

Later in the day, Bilbo ran into Kili near the restrooms. Thorin’s driver tried to avoid him, but he wasn’t going to let him get away so easily. “Kili…I knew you despised me for being with Thorin, and I think I know why. Was it because you had sex with him, and maybe you really liked him more than you let him know afterwards?” 

Kili was very uncomfortable with this conversation, and wanted to end it quickly. “No. I felt like you didn’t really like me, so the feeling was mutual. I don’t know what Thorin told you about us, but we’re just business partners and nothing more.” 

"Hmm. I'm not stupid. I've seen the way you flirt with him. I don't think that's an act...well...you got your way. You finally won. Don't hurt him. I'll be watching you." Bilbo pulled himself together and marched on his way leaving Kili to ponder what it was he had won and hurt who? He didn't know Thorin and Bilbo had broke up again. All he knew was Bilbo gave him a tense look like whatever was going on between them, wasn't over. 

~`~

Kili laid in bed trying to sleep, but thinking about the race that would be coming up in a couple weeks had him on edge. The nightmares had begun to reoccur causing him more sleepless nights again. Only when Fili would go to sleep would he pull out his bottle of rum, and drink until he felt relaxed enough to sleep even if it was for a few hours.

On the eve of another race, he stayed up longer than usual drinking trying to make the pain go away, but this time it wouldn’t cease. Hearing his father’s voice ringing in his ears, he wanted to scream. 

_’You’re worthless, and you’ll never be as good as your brother!’ Kili cried holding onto his first place trophy. ‘But I won, Dad!’ The man snatched the trophy from his boy’s hands and threw against the wall shattering it into pieces. ‘He’s gone because of you!’_

Tears streamed down his face, Kili clawed at his sheets wanting to sob out loud, but forced himself to stay quiet not to wake Fili. _‘It wasn’t my fault, Dad! It was an accident!’ Images of his father’s face grew dark and threatening. ‘You were an accident and should never have been born!’_

Fili eventually stirred awake hearing Kili trying to hide his grief. The blond crawled into bed with his friend, and held him pleading with him to tell him what had him so upset. As the brunet sobbed into his friend's chest, Kili couldn't tell him. He didn't want to remember what haunted him, and talking about it would cause those memories to surface and the pain was too great. The best Fili could get from his distraught friend was that he missed his brother terribly.


	21. Wrecks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mentally and physically everyone is a wreck.

It was race morning, and the sun was shining bright already feeling humid from the rain that fell overnight. Nori found Kili in his favorite hiding spot sitting on a stack of tires propped up against a toolbox in the back of their garage with sunglasses on sound asleep.

“Boy, what are doing?” Nori could never tell if his driver was sleeping or not, so he carefully lifted his sunglasses finding Kili was indeed asleep. After poking him a few times, he slowly began to wake up. Quietly, Nori got in his face. “Were you up late drinking again?”

“Maybe…”

“Kee, are you sure you don’t have a drinking problem?” Nori knew of his drinking, and wanted to help him because he had a been there before himself. 

“No, it's not that…I couldn’t sleep last night.”

“So you can’t sleep a lot…” Nori was implying he was drinking a lot, but Kili defended himself. 

“Nori…you can ask Fili. I was drinking, but I was up late last night because I couldn’t sleep. I've had a lot on my mind lately.”

“Are you okay to drive today? We don’t need you falling asleep out there.” Nori studied his every movement with much concern, and he didn't look well. “Kee…I’m asking as a friend because you trusted me…are you sure you’re alright? 

“I will be. I need more water and if I could sleep some more I’ll be great.” The sleepy brunet set off to find his boss. Once Thorin was found, Kili almost didn’t need to ask if he could sleep in the RV.

“You look tired.” Thorin smiled gently as he stroked Kili’s hair in an affectionate way, but caught himself from becoming too affectionate when Kili leaned into his touch closing his eyes wanting to nuzzle into the palm of his strong hand. “You’re welcome to sleep in the RV if you need too.”

Bilbo noticed the tenderness in the way Thorin touched Kili in a way that may have seemed innocent to most, but he saw something more. Never meaning for him to catch him watching, Bilbo turned away just as Thorin saw him. Gandalf was watching too.

~`~

Frerin couldn’t take his eyes off Fili watching him from across Bard’s pit area preparing to get into his car. Fili noticed his ex watching him, choosing not to engage in case Legolas was observing them both. It wasn’t until Frerin broke down and walked straight up to Fili and blurted out how much he loved him and wanted him back that everyone nearby stopped what they were doing to stare at them.

Dwalin pushed his way through a few crew members to part them knowing this was not acceptable right before the start of a race. “Frerin! Get back to yours pits now!”

Legolas also heard and started toward Frerin with fire in his eyes. The much larger team owner threw out an arm and grabbed his youngest driver pushing him back. “Not now! Get to your car!” 

Feeling guilty for nothing other than being the object of Frerin’s desire, he knew Legolas would still be angry with him. When his team mate approached him, he was ready for whatever he had to say. “Legolas, you and I are team mates and we need to focus right now. This other bullshit can wait until after the race, do you understand?”

“All this time I’ve been helping Frerin thinking he wanted me, but he still loved you while you were screwing around with Kili!”

Fili reacted throwing a punch at Legolas. “Leave Kili out of this!” 

Legolas dabbed his bloodied nose. “Awful defensive of your lover, aren’t you?” 

The young blond touched a nerve. He had a special place in his heart for Kili, but they were better as friends rather than lovers. “Kili’s my _friend!_ ”

“That’s not what I heard…oh wait, that’s right…Kili’s hasn’t had time for _you_ because he’s been too busy sleeping around with all the crew members.” Taking a step back, he knew he had pushed his team mate too far. 

Fili started to go after him again only to have a few of their crew members hold the team mates back from tearing into one another. 

Dwalin was pissed to say the least. He marched over to Thranduil who saw the irate man coming his way. The tall blond team owner stood his ground waiting unblinking for Dwalin to finish ranting and raving at him. 

“Are you quite finished?” Completely unwavering, Thranduil seemed unaffected by whatever Dwalin just spouted off about. The blond actually didn’t even listen to what the fuming man had to say. Something about how he used Legolas and Frerin to turn his team mates against one another to better Frerin’s chances of winning. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard, even coming from you, Dwalin!”

~`~

All the tension between crew members, team owners, and drivers had been building turning into the perfect storm right before the race cars took to the track. There was something in the air, and it was volatile. Wreck after wreck, penalty after penalty, all the drivers were driving careless.

Dwalin was losing patience with Legolas not helping to block for Fili, and wouldn’t let Fili help him draft. Before he knew it, Legolas had wrecked Fili. Frerin accidentally wrecked Legolas, and Bilbo not paying attention crashed into both of them. None of that would matter when the first place leader, Kili began to fall asleep, and spun his car in front of the entire pack of cars behind him that hadn't already been involved in one of the other wrecks of the day. 

When all was said and done, eighteen of the thirty-two cars that started the race were now nothing more than a pile of crumpled sheet metal scattered literally all over the track. Kili radioed back to Nori, he knew of all the wreck today, this big wreck was entirely his fault. 

Kili’s car was done for the day, limping back to the garage. His crew began pulling torn sheet metal away to assess the damage. Though Kili knew his car was damaged beyond repair, he refused to get out of it. 

Thorin leaned on the driver’s side window opening trying to talk Kili out of his car. He knew something was deeply troubling his driver. He’d never seen him act this way before. This wasn’t the first wreck he’d caused, but not of this magnitude.

“Kili…you shouldn’t have been driving with the lack of sleep you had, but it was accident. Please come out of the car.” Thorin pleaded with him for almost a half hour before he finally popped the steering wheel off and threw it up on the dash, pulling himself up and out of the car. 

“You need to tell me what’s going on, Kili.” Looking at his pale face with the dark circles under his lifeless eyes, Thorin worried this was more than just being tired.

“I can’t…I’m too tired to talk about it right now…I need to sleep.” Thorin saw media people heading their way, but he made a few evasive moves to get Kili out of the garages and into his RV.

As soon as the RV door closed, Kili fell into Thorin’s arms and sobbed into his shirt like he had done the night before with Fili. “I don’t want to hurt anyone! I never meant for that to happen, Thorin!” 

Thorin swallowed hard holding his trembling driver. Wrecks happened all the time in racing, it was the nature of the sport, and though it could injure someone, these types of wrecks mostly injured egos hurting their point standings for not finishing as well as they could have.

“Kili…I think you’re overly tired and sleepy. Go to bed. I’ll tell Fili you’re staying with me tonight.” After Kili curled up in Thorin’s large bed, he was fast asleep in seconds. Thorin couldn’t help, but lie down too and watch him sleep. It was a troubled sleep that he didn’t understand.

~`~

Fili sat hiding from everyone deep inside his car carrier, though Dwalin found him. “Fee, Thorin wants to talk to you.”

“He can come back here to talk to me, I’m not going out there.” Thorin took Dwalin’s place inside the large trailer. 

“I’m sorry about the wreck today, Fili…I wanted to ask you if you know of anything bothering Kili lately. He said he didn’t get much sleep last night.”

The blond leaned forward placing his elbows on his knees hiding his face in his hands. “He kept me up all night too…he wouldn’t ever tell me exactly what was going on in that head of his, but something’s really bothering him about his brother’s death.”

Thorin patted Fili on the shoulder. “He’s staying in the RV with me tonight. You can have your hotel room to yourself so you can get yourself some sleep, alright?” 

With a nod, Fili thought that sounded great, but already knew he was most likely going to have another long night when Legolas and or Frerin found him.

Lying on his bed in the hotel room, Fili checked his latest text messages. "Frerin." Texting him back, he sighed pushing himself off the bed to open the door for his ex-boyfriend.

Fili didn't even have a chance to say anything before Frerin had wrapped him in his arms and smothered him with long awaited kisses and promises he had every intention of keeping. "Fili, I do love you more than anything. Please, pleeeease take me back! I'm so sorry for everything I've done to you! I promise I'll be good to you, in every way!"

It started small, but the feeling grew inside his heart as the smile grew allowing Frerin to see those adorable dimples once more. "I missed you, Frerin...I knew I loved you long before you ever tried to say it to me. I'm sorry for ever letting Kili come between us...he is my friend, but I promise that is all he will ever be to me. Can you promise the same?"

Nodding his head with a smile, Frerin made his promise. "Promise. Kili was a good friend, and I miss his friendship...well, as long as we're not drinking together." They both were able to laugh about it now, but Frerin meant it. "No one is as special as you are Fili."

~`~

In the middle of the night, Kili woke with a start waking Thorin as he shook the bed. "Kee, are you alright?"

"Yeah...I've been asleep a long time, I didn't know where I was when I woke up...having a nightmare again." Kili sounded frustrated not being able to sleep soundly.

"Can you tell me what's troubling you? I want to help you." Thorin really wanted to do something to help his young friend.

Shaking his head no again, Kili refused to talk about it. "No. You don't understand. I want to forget."

After the brunet rolled over to lie on his other side, Thorin rubbed his back for comfort. "Maybe you and I could find some time to relax, and do some fun things before the race in Vegas in a couple weeks, huh? Try to take your mind off whatever's bothering you."

Strangely Thorin felt how tense Kili became when he mentioned Las Vegas. "Yeah...maybe..."


	22. No More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili can't deal with his problems anymore.

Another race week, another town. On the eve of qualifying, Kili had finally caught up on his sleep, but was still waking with nightmares. Trying to throw himself into his work, he decided to work on his car because it wasn’t running as well as he’d like. It was a very hot day, so the brunet thought he’d take a break and go to Thorin’s RV to relax and get out of the heat for a while. 

Throwing on his sunglasses, Kili walked across the garage area past a couple in-field buildings toward the camping area. Along the way he literally bumped into Bard as if the man wasn’t even there, and kept going. 

“Hey!” Being knocked back a little, Bard seemed a taken aback by the brunet’s rudeness. It didn’t help much when the brunet stopped to turn around and give him a cocky smirk.

“Well, you really think you’re all that, don’t you?” Bard shook his head. He never had much to do with Kili all season, and didn’t really know him at all other than the stories he’d heard. 

Kili flipped up his sunglasses so Bard could see just how arrogant he was. “I don’t think it. I know it. Ask your pit boy…” With a wink, the brunet adjusted his sunglasses and continued to walk away with confidence.

Bard swallowed hard watching him go. “Kili…wait…”

Later in the day, most of the drivers and crews gathered in the tents the race track had set up for them for lunch. When Thorin came in he looked around for Kili, and found him sitting at a table with Bard, Fili, and Frerin. 

Welcoming the older man to join them, Fili noticed how uncomfortable Kili became as Thorin sat down on the opposite side of Bard, since he was already sitting in between Bard and Fili at the round table. 

Things became even more uncomfortable when Frerin and Thorin’s sister joined their lunch group sitting between those two. Dis was charming, and loved to chat. With her intelligence and quick wit, everyone loved her company, except for her brothers.

After discussing the weather, and how things were going so far with everyone’s cars, Dis casually began to comment on more personal subjects. “You’re looking good, Frerin. Being back together with Fili has put that smile back on your face, I see.”

Frerin rolled his eyes. “Dis…” Seeing Fili smile at the comment, made the older blond grin as he rubbed his beard absently. “Yeah…I feel great, and I couldn’t be any happier being with Fee again. He’s my only addiction now, and I can live with that.” Fili didn’t mind either.

Out of the corner of his eye, Thorin watched with curiosity how Bard had placed a hand on Kili’s thigh rubbing little circles affectionately into his jeans. He wanted to smack his hand away, and claim Kili for his own right there, but kept his feelings at bay. 

It was torture trying to focus on the conversation trying to figure out if there was something going on between those two now. _‘Why can’t I just tell him how I feel? If he rejected me, it couldn’t hurt any worse than knowing he’s sleeping around with so many other men.’_

“Thorin? Thorin!” Dis’s voice finally called his attention back. “I asked you if knew what time you were qualifying today?”

“I don’t know, I guess around three-ish, or something like that.” Thorin couldn’t think about anything besides the two younger brunets who were now excusing themselves from the table to leave.

“Where are you going?” Thorin asked, directing his question at Kili.

Again Kili got a strange vibe from his boss wondering why he was asking. “We’re going to Bard’s trailer for a little bit, then I’m going back to work on the car some more…if that’s alright with you.” 

It wasn’t alright, but what was he going to say. “Oh. Alright. Make sure you’re back by two.”

Fili and Frerin looked at one another feeling the increasing awkwardness between everyone suddenly. They knew what Dis didn’t know, but what she had suspected all along. No one knew how Thorin felt about Kili, and only Fili knew how Kili felt about Thorin. It could’ve been the perfect opportunity to tell Thorin the truth, but so awkward at the same time knowing Kili just left with Bard most likely to have sex with him.

Dis didn’t have a filter, and had no problem speaking her mind in front of everyone. “Why do you keep letting him go like that?” Thorin didn’t have an answer, wishing he did.

~`~

Kili was beginning to have trouble falling asleep again. Anxiety attacks kept waking him every time he was just about to drift off. In his frustration, he made sure Thorin was asleep before he slid out of bed to find a bottle of whiskey he had in one of his bags.

Sitting quietly curled up on the sofa, Kili drank from his bottle until Thorin startled him reaching to take it away from him. “You don’t need that.”

Kili jerked the bottle back. “Yes…I do! You don’t understand!”

“You won’t let me understand! Give it to me!” Trying to take the whiskey away again, Kili let him have it and went back to bed pulling the blankets around him.

Refusing to hear what Thorin had to say, Kili tried to block him out. “Kili…” Things got worse when Thorin tried to touch him to comfort him rubbing a hand over his arm. “Please talk to me. Tell me what’s bothering you. I want to help you.”

Feeling like he couldn’t breathe, Kili threw the blankets off and left the bedroom trying to find clothes to put on. “I can’t stay here.” Pulling clothes out of his bag he threw on the sofa, he finally found something to wear. 

“Where’re you going this late?” Thorin asked not wanting to hear the answer he received.

“Bard’s.” Just as Kili was about to leave the RV, he saw how upset he’d made Thorin. His long dark curls covered the frustration on his weary face as he slumped on the sofa.

Kili took a deep breath, and asked, “Are _you_ alright?”

“I’m fine.” Thorin snapped, but inside he was kicking himself. _’Of course I’m not fine, you dumbass! Don’t let him go again!’_

When the door of the RV closed, Thorin got up to go back to his empty bed. The almost empty whiskey bottle sat on the kitchen counter. “Maybe I need this more than he does.” Finishing off the bottle, Thorin went to bed, and sent Kili a text.

 _‘I need you.’_ The lonely older brunet wouldn’t realize until the next morning what he had sent to his young driver.

~`~

“What. Is. This?” Kili held his phone to Thorin’s sleepy face as he awoke on the sofa.

Rubbing his sleepy eyes to read the text, Thorin felt the blood drain from his face. “I don’t remember sending that. I drank the rest of your whiskey, and I guess I missed you being with me last night?” Sounded reasonable enough.

Kili pursed his lips, feeling a little angry over their tiff the night before. “You drank my whiskey after you took away from me?”

The two didn’t have much more to say to one another other than discussing the car and race strategies as Kili was ready to race. Everything was going fairly well, but toward the end of the race, Kili couldn’t stop thinking about the race coming up next week.

He had only won one race this season, but was doing great in the point standings for finishing well in most of the races this season. For a rookie in this very competitive division of stock car racing, he had an amazing run going looking like he could place in the top ten by the end of the season.

But that one win wasn’t enough for him. The constant voice in his head telling him what a loser he was, and would always be, kept pushing him to prove his father wrong. It was almost like he was doing it on purpose, though he wasn’t, Kili had driven so hard bumping or coming up on someone recklessly, he had knocked out at least six other drivers. 

The last person he ran into, was the first place runner, Aragorn. His car hit the wall with a ton of force bouncing him back across the track, sliding in front of another car he got t-boned. When Kili saw the rescue crews taking both drivers away in the ambulance to the in-field care center, he felt sick.

With just a few laps to go, Kili had won the race, but at the cost of many angry drivers, and one extremely furious wife. Arwen pushed her way through media people and crew members to get to Kili. Without warning, he never saw the punch Aragorn’s wife threw at him almost knocking him down. 

She may have even broken a few fingers, but the pain was worth it. “You! What were you thinking out there today? Aragorn’s seriously hurt now because of you!” 

After Arwen was gone, and things had calmed down a bit, Kili had to finish with his winning celebration, though he didn’t want to. His heart sank in the aftermath of what he had done. Fili and Legolas were two of his victims, and was refusing to speak to him. Dwalin spoke with Thorin about the incident, but the team owner had no idea what happened to his driver.

That night Kili sat on the edge of the bed in Thorin’s bedroom reflecting on the race, and all that he had on his mind. Thorin hadn’t said much to him since the race was over, and wasn’t sure how to say anything at all. 

When he entered the room, he saw Kili sitting there with another bottle of whiskey. He took a long drink, and said, “I’m done, Thorin…I can’t do this anymore…”

Thorin knew his driver was upset with himself, but this sounded extreme. “What do you mean, you’re done?”

Taking another long drink, Kili’s dark eyes stared directly into Thorin’s eyes as he stated in all seriousness, “I don’t want to race anymore…I’m done.” Standing up to leave the bedroom, he took one more drink and handed the bottle to Thorin. “I’m leaving tomorrow.”


	23. Don't Leave Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili finds some peace with himself, and Thorin takes a chance.

“ _Leaving?_ You can’t leave! We have a contract!”

Kili snorted, “What’re you going to do? Sue me? Go ahead, I don’t care. Sue me! I’d rather give you every dime I have than to race again.”

Thorin couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Maybe it was the alcohol talking. “Sleep on it, Kili. Maybe you’ll change your mind in the morning.”

“No. I’ve already thought it through. I’m done, and I’m leaving in the morning.” Kili reached past Thorin to pull a blanket off the bed to go sleep on the sofa. “There’s _nothing_ for me here.” Those final words stung like sharp knives piercing his heart. Thorin obviously didn’t want Kili to go, but seeing how passionately he spoke of leaving, there would be no stopping him.

Thorin stood over Kili stretched out on the sofa under the blanket. Why is he doing this? Racing was everything to him.’ “Kee…where will you go? You gave up your apartment at the beginning of the season to travel with me to the races. It’s just, you don’t have a…”

“Home. I know I don’t have a home. I don’t have a family either, so it doesn’t matter where I go. Don’t worry about me, Thorin. I’ll be fine.” He was always fine because he had to be. 

~`~

The sun had barely begun to rise when Thorin awoke suddenly remembering what had transpired the night before. He rushed through the RV to the living area to find Kili was gone. Searching around the bedroom, Thorin found Kili’s bags were gone too. He immediately sent him a text.

Standing at the front gate with the race track guard, Kili waited for a cab to pick him up. When he saw Thorin’s text, he ignored it and put his phone away. By now the sun was just above the horizon, and a few cars and motorhomes were pulling out of the race track headed to their next destination. 

The cab pulled up and Kili told the driver to take him into town. He wanted to go to the hospital. There was someone there he desperately needed to see before he left town. Once at the hospital, Kili walked down the long sterile corridors more nervous than he’d ever been before. 

The smell of disinfectant and rubbing alcohol made his empty stomach feel weak. He hated hospitals, but going to see Arwen was the most important thing on his mind right now. The young wife and mother was not so pleased to see him though as she left her husband’s bedside.

“What are _you_ doing here? You’re the last person I want to see!” Angry fire burned in her eyes staring down the man that almost killed her husband. 

“I understand.” Kili could have turned his eyes away, but held Arwen’s gaze. He wanted her to know everything he had to say was true and came from the heart. “I’m very sorry. I honestly didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt, and I feel horrible for how seriously Aragorn was injured. I drove recklessly and I don’t why.” Though deep in his mind, Kili knew why. It was a trigger from long ago, he had to win at any cost to win his father’s approval.

“Arwen, I don’t know if you knew, but I had a brother that died in a crash during a race four years ago. He was married with a little boy and another on the way. So I do understand why you’re so angry with me…and the sport.” Kili remembered overhearing Arwen and Aragorn’s argument at the first race at the beginning of the season. 

“I saw what racing did to my sister-in-law. She begged my brother constantly to give up racing after their son was born, and of course he didn't...I haven’t seen my sister-in-law since she left my brother’s funeral. She wanted nothing more to do with racing or anyone associates with the sport. She wouldn’t even let me see my nephew again, and I’ve never seen my brother’s baby either.” Tears welled in Kili’s eyes. “I never meant to hurt Aragorn or anyone, and if I could take back the moment of the crash, I’d do it in a heartbeat. I’m so very sorry for the pain I’ve caused you.”

Hearing Kili’s story, and seeing how upset he truly was over the incident also brought her to tears feeling his pain as well. “Thank you.” Arwen didn’t know what else to say. Kili’s apology was accepted. Though his injuries were severe, Aragorn would live and her son would know his father. She would not have to raise her son alone as Kili’s sister-in-law was forced to do. For a brief moment, Arwen and Kili held one another and found some peace in each other’s arms.

After Kili left the hospital, he felt a little lighter having apologized for his careless actions on the race track. He looked at his text from Thorin again, finding a couple more since the first one he received. 

_‘I’m going to the bus station. There is nothing more to talk about.’_

Thorin rushed to the bus station knowing this may be his last chance to catch Kili before he left. Since Kili didn’t have an actual home, he had no idea even what city he would flee to making finding him even harder if he got away.

Once he got to the bus station, Thorin texted Kili again to let him know he was there and begged him to come talk to him one last time before he left. Walking around the main lobby in circles, Thorin was just about to give up hope when Kili never responded. Then finally he saw him slowly walking passed a small group of people toward him.

Keeping his head down, Kili stopped some distance away from Thorin. Standing there holding his bags, Thorin thought he looked like a runaway. “Kili…you can’t leave.”

“I told you I quit. I’m not going to race anymore, and if you need to sue me over the contract, then…”

Thorin cut him off because it was so much more than that. “It’s not about racing. I’d don’t care about that…you can’t leave…me…I don’t want you to leave me.”

Kili quirked his head and furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?”

“I mean…you can’t leave me because…I love you.” 

“You _love_ me?” He felt a strange sensation rush through his mind and body. “No one has ever told me they loved me before…except my brother. You really love me?" 

Thorin nodded. “Yes. I love you very much, Kili...Don’t leave me.” Fear that Kili would turn from him welled inside him as he took deep breaths waiting for a response. 

Kili dropped his bags and flew into Thorin's arms as the two held onto one another so tightly they had almost become one. Thorin pushed back enough to take Kili's face in his hand to look into his tear-filled eyes. "I love you so much, Kili." 

"I love you, Thorin." The words felt foreign, yet so comfortable upon his lips, he wanted to say it over and over again as they both became overwhelmed with their feelings for one another kissing passionately. 

It may not have been the most romantic place to go to have their first intimate moment as true lovers, but they couldn't wait to go anywhere else. Thorin's bed in the motorhome in the parking lot of the bus station would have to do. 

As the two men shed their clothes, they stood admiring one another’s bodies. Thorin had put his hands on Kili’s broad shoulders while Kili’s hands rested on Thorin’s hips. Thorin’s sapphire eyes grew dark with lust as his young lover was enticing him with the way the tip of his tongue teased him as it rolled across his moist lips. He watched and waited as he ran his thumb across Kili’s bottom lip, wanting to know how long it would take for his tongue to find its way into his mouth, and how those sweet lips would feel tightening around his increasingly thick cock if he so desired it. 

Their kiss began sweet and sensual turning more passionate. Kili's lips parted inviting Thorin's tongue to explore his mouth. Pulling their bodies close together they both began to moan with building desire feeling their erections pressed between them. Thorin trailed a few kisses down Kili's neck then nuzzled into his ear his deep voice asked quietly, "Do you want to taste me?" Without hesitation, Kili dropped to his knees to take Thorin's large cock into his mouth licking and sucking away his precum. 

The feeling of Kili's hot mouth wrapped tightly around his hard shaft was more than he expected, and though he didn't really want to stop him from sucking him, he knew he wouldn't last long if his raven haired lover continued. "Come up here baby." He pulled him up to the bed and laid him down gently. Exotic, alluring and dangerous, Kili drew Thorin in like a moth to a flame. His youthful desires were demanding and lustful. Raking his skin with his long fingers, pulling Thorin down to envelope him, right now he desired to feel the velvety skin of Thorin’s erection to rubbing against his own. 

Thorin's veins were on fire as his blood burned pulsing through his body, every nerve awaken and alive wanting to touch and taste every patch of his flawless tanned skin. Letting his eyes close and his head fall back, Kili moaned with every burning touch of Thorin’s fingertips ghosting over his body, and the way his tongue laved across his brown nipples made his back arch. Trailing kisses Across his chest and down his abs finding his leaking cock, Thorin licked it from the base to the tip as a tease.

“You moan so prettily for me, I can only imagine the sounds you’ll make for me when I bury myself deep inside you." Kili gasped at the first touch of Thorin's finger beginning to prepare him, but wasn't long before he was asking for more before begging for his cock. 

"I'm ready Thorin, please take me...I need to feel you inside me." Lifting his hips, Kili begged for Thorin's large willing cock. The older brunet was more than ready to make love to his horny young lover as he slowly sank into him. Only when Kili was ready did he start to move within him at an easy pace. Kili's fingers scratched down Thorin's strong muscular back before holding onto his ass pulling him deeper inside him as he spread his legs wider for him. 

The wickedly sexy way Kili rolled his hips for him biting his bottom lip left Thorin's chest heaving wanting more sinking deeper into him, Thorin almost couldn’t control how badly he wanted to fuck his sweet lover so hard and make him call out his name over and over, but he wanted to continued to take him slow to make love to him just a little longer. 

Twisting his fingers through Thorin’s long lush mane of dark curls, Kili pulled his lover closer against his body again to kiss him deeply. Thorin was drawn in by those large lustful eyes as Kili said, “I’ve never wanted anything as much as I need to feel you cum inside me now. I need you to fuck me, fuck me hard, Thorin, I need it...” Panting hard Kili moaned and groaned as Thorin obeyed thrusting faster pounding into him to make himself cum hard deep inside his raven haired lover. "Oh fuck, Thorin!..." 

Thorin's body shuddered. "Oh Kili...Oh Kili...g'd...I love you so much..." He took Kili's aching length into his hand and fisted him repeatedly thumbing over the head of his swollen cock until Kili cried out spilling his seed over his stomach. Thorin hovered above his lover for a moment taking in how beautiful he looked completely wrecked by his doing. Leaning down to kiss him again, Kili whispered against his lips, "I love you Thorin..." Neither one had ever felt more complete than at this very moment knowing they'd finally found true love in one another's arms. 

~`~

After cleaning up, they both realized they still had some unfinished business to discuss, and Kili wasn't changing his original decision just because the two of them had confessed their love. "I'm still not racing anymore Thorin. I'm standing by what I said. I can't do it anymore." 

Thorin sighed and rubbed a hand over his bearded face. He couldn't understand why such a talented driver was so ready to give up his life's dream over having a couple bad weeks of racing. "Kee, it'll get better. You just need to stay focused. I don't want to tell you not to race hard, but maybe back off a little. Don't push yourself so hard." 

"No. I can't. I'll stay with you now, but I can't race anymore." Kili's decision was final, though Thorin wasn't ready to give up on him just yet. 


	24. Matters of Life and Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin makes Kili understand he is loved and needed, and should stop taking risky chances, and Frerin finds out why Kili doesn't want to race at this track.

Kili flew to Las Vegas with Thorin for the upcoming race, but refused to drive and refused to discuss why he wanted to quit racing. As the team prepared their car for the race, it was uncertain who would fill the driver's seat. Thorin used a different approach, hoping if he stopped begging his driver to race for him, Kili would change his mind. 

The three-time champion wanted to spoil his new lover during their stay in Vegas. They stayed in a very plush penthouse overlooking the city. With a hot tub on the balcony, they enjoyed pleasuring one another then relaxing with wine rather than whiskey. 

They showered together then went out to gamble for a little bit. When they returned, they made love again on the oversized mattress. With every breath and every touch, Thorin took Kili to another world where nothing could hurt him. There in nirvana he was safe in the arms of the only person who ever truly loved him bringing him to complete and fulfilling ecstasy.

Kili loved the rush of the natural high got from sex, and the adrenaline rush he got from doing dangerous things. In the middle of the night, Thorin awoke to find Kili missing from their bed. Looking around the room, he noticed the curtain over the sliding glass door pulled back just enough to see the door was open to the balcony.

When he peeked out the door, he found Kili standing on the railing of their balcony. Of course, his first thought was _‘Oh my God, is he thinking about jumping?’_ , but that was never his intention. He liked the rush he got from _not_ falling from dangerously high places. 

Thorin was afraid to say anything possibly startling Kili causing him to fall. Standing there without making a sound he watched with much anxiety wondering what to do. Then Kili turned his head just enough to catch of glimpse of Thorin standing at the door.

The daring young brunet grinned at his nervous lover. “I’m not thinking about jumping, if that’s what you were worried about.”

“Then what are you doing?” Thorin calmly asked.

“I like the rush I get from cheating death.” The slight grin faded from his face as he continued to stare out across the city.

“Kili…that’s very dangerous, you're making me nervous. Could you please come down from there before you give me a heart attack?”

Falling backwards, Kili jumped off the railing landing firmly on his feet. Normally he would laugh to himself enjoying the high, but instead he swiftly walked up to Thorin running a hand up his chest to the back of his head fisting his long dark curls pulling him into a hot open-mouth kiss, while the other hands wrapped around his waist bringing him firmly against himself.

Thorin did the same, but grasped Kili’s long hair tightly in his hand after their heated kiss to pull his head back. He panted with mixed emotions. “Don’t _ever_ do that again!”

Still on his natural high, Kili wanted his lover even more now slotting his leg between Thorin's pressing himself against him. “Take me to bed Thorin. I can feel how much that excited you too.”

“You’re insane.” With his own adrenaline rush from fear pulsing through his veins, Thorin’s chest heaved.

“ _I know…_ ” Taking Thorin’s hand to rub his clothed hard-on, Kili breathed into his lover’s mouth. “Make love to me or fuck me hard, whatever you desire, but I need to get-off again…please…”

The older brunet exhaled deeply, then with a feral growl he lifted Kili up letting him wrap his legs around him as he carried him to their bed. Laying the brunet out on the bed, Thorin crawled over his impetuous lover ready to fuck him, bringing him to completion once again this evening. 

The two lay side-by-side facing one another in the still quietness of the night in the penthouse high above the restless city. In the darkness, Thorin reached for Kili pulling him toward him to snuggle against his broad chest. He placed a tender kiss atop his young one's head. "Why were you really standing on the balcony?" 

Thinking carefully about his answer, Kili replied, "I told you, I get high from cheating death. I don't _care_ if I live or die." 

There was something macabre about the way he answered that disturbed Thorin. "I love you, Kili. I don't want to lose you. I need you. I don't know what I'd do without you now that I have you." 

Kili never felt he had a reason to live after his brother left him. There was no one left who cared about the arrogant young man other than how highly he thought of himself trying to prove his worth in the world of racing if not to impress his uncaring father, but to prove to himself he could be the best. 

For the first time in his life, someone loved him and genuinely _needed_ him. It was a strange but humbling feeling that welled within him. "I'm sorry Thorin. I won't do anything like that again. I'm still adjusting to knowing my life means something to you. No one's ever cared what happened to me, so..." Thorin gave him a little bit tighter hug. "I know I need to stop being so reckless now...for you. I love you too." 

~`~

Frerin had a media engagement to tend, but when it was over he was free for the day. Knowing Kili wasn’t going to the race track, he asked him if they could hang out together. Kili agreed as long as they didn’t drink or gamble. Frerin was in complete agreement knowing gambling would be especially bad for him.

They just enjoyed being together walking the Vegas strip after lunch. Frerin finally felt comfortable enough to ask Kili about his relationship with Thorin. The brunet almost became shy thinking about him. “I’m glad things worked out for you and Thorin.”

“I'm glad you worked things out with Fili. I’m sorry for coming between you two. I could be selfish that way, always going after whatever I wanted.” It was a sincere apology because Kili knew what a little shit he was. 

“You didn’t want me…I tried.” A little smirk appeared on the blond’s bearded face. 

“I did want you, but after I got to know you better, I liked you better as a friend and didn’t want to lose that. I never had a problem finding someone to fuck. Finding a real friend was much harder to do.” They both could laugh about it now, but Kili was serious.

“I just felt like we had so much in common when you told me how envious you were of Thorin’s success and how everyone loved him and looked up to him and you were the forgotten one. That was me too. That was my life. I loved my brother more than anyone in the world and looked up to him, but my dad always compared me to him.”

“Dad would literally shove me out of the way like I wasn’t there, never listened to me, never cared how good I was at anything. Even if my brother tried to tell Dad something about me, he would change the subject. When it came to racing, even if I won Dad still told me I was a loser, and would never be as good as my brother.” The frustration in his voice as he spoke confirmed the pain his father caused him still lingered.

“I tried so hard to win all the time…I miss my brother very much, you’re lucky to have Thorin…Frerin…” Kili became very somber, and his voice began to break. “The reason I can’t race here is because…this is the track where my brother died.”

“What happened?” It was becoming clearer why his brother’s driver was adamant about not driving here, but still didn’t understand why he wanted to quit racing altogether.

Kili finally realized it was time he had to come to terms with the truth about his past. “It was the first time I ever raced at this track. It was the first time I ever raced with my brother in his race division. There was a terrible crash…” Every hair stood on end as a chill ran through Frerin’s body.

~`~

Thorin was in deep conversation with Dwalin when Frerin was fast approaching striding across the garage area toward him. Frerin had a serious look about him as he pulled Thorin away somewhere they could speak in private.

“Thorin…I know what’s wrong with Kili.” Thorin was all ears as Frerin looked about making sure no one was around to hear. “This track is where his brother’s crash took place that killed him.”

Dropping his head, Thorin had a feeling that may have been the reason. “I should’ve asked him more about his brother…” 

Shaking his head, Frerin cut him off mid-sentence putting a hand on Thorin’s shoulder. “It's more than that…Kili was the one that crashed into him causing his death.”


	25. When It All Falls Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili makes a decision to keep a promise he made to his brother, but someone unexpected shows up to possibly ruin his chances of keeping that promise.

The moment Thorin walked into the penthouse, Kili knew by the look on his face Frerin had told him about the tragic crash. Falling into the comfort of Thorin’s arms, the distraught young man fell apart. The guilt and torment he had carried inside for so many years could at last be released knowing he had someone he trusted and who truly cared about him to help him through the pain.

For hours Thorin listened to his despondent young boyfriend spill what seemed a lifetime of sorrow. By the time Kili had said all he wanted and needed to say, he was exhausted falling asleep in Thorin’s arms, he was finally able to sleep trouble-free for the first time in years.

When Kili awoke in the morning, a tiny smile tugged at the corner of his lips. It was the most beautiful feeling in the world to wake up still in the arms of someone he loved. Thorin was exhausted too, and was still fast asleep when Kili eased his way from his older man’s arms. 

Thorin yawned and stretched rolling over on the comfortable mattress. Slowly his eyes opened, and he became concerned when Kili wasn’t next to him and the sliding glass door was left cracked open again. Fearing he may be standing on the balcony railing again thinking about falling the other direction this time, he bolted out of bed.

Rushing out the door to the balcony, the older man panted and put a hand over his heart with a huge smile at the sight he found instead. Kili was sitting at the small bistro table set on the balcony with simple but elegant place settings and the most delicious looking breakfast food all smelling invitingly divine. 

“For you.” Kili said shyly biting his lip with a grin. 

Thorin caught his breath and snorted a laugh shaking his head. “You keep my heart racing boy. I never know what you’ll do next!”

After dressing, Thorin was able to relax and enjoy his surprise breakfast with his adorable host. Kili took a drink and sat the glass on the table watching his man enjoying his food. “You’ve done so much for me, I wanted to give you this breakfast to thank you. I have to be honest…I’m sorry to say I’ve never done anything for anyone before, so I hope I was able to surprise you and hope you like it.”

“I love it.” The enamored man smiled lying down his fork. “It’s perfect…like you.”

Kili blushed and took another drink. “I uh, I’ve done a lot of thinking...” Looking around with a hint of nervousness, he began to fiddle with his napkin as he spoke staring at his fingers toying with the material. “I've decided to drive for you this weekend…if you still want me to, this is.”

“Of course I do! You _are_ my driver!” Thorin was stunned by the decision in light of all he had told him. “Only if you’re absolutely positive you’re alright with it. Don’t do it because I’ve pressured you in any way, Kee.”

Shaking his head, Kili knew he was ready to face what haunted him for so long. “As much as I never wanted to race here again, I know now this is something I _need_ to do. I made a promise to my brother I need to keep...he made me promise I'd never give up on myself or my dreams. He'd be disappointed in me if I didn't race here because of what happened...after all, it was an _accident_.”

~`~

Dressed in his sponsors fireproof race uniform and sunglasses, Kili walked across the garage area with his head held high passed all the other teams going toward his car. Some other team’s crew members stopped and spoke in hushed tones. He heard them, and expected such behavior to occur with his return. 

Fili had still been angry with the way Kili drove in their last race, but after Frerin told him what he’d learned, he felt the need to forgive him. After spending the night in bed with him a few weeks ago trying to calm him, he was more understanding now of what troubles him.

Approaching Kili just as he was about to slide into his car, his competitor and friend said sincerely, “Kee…I’m glad you’re back.”

“Thanks.” The brunet wasn’t trying to be rude, he was uncomfortable with Fili knowing how angry he had been with him. “I’m really sorry about last week, Fee.”

“It’s racing. Sometimes we lose our head out there.” Fili just gave him a slight nod. “Remember that when I wreck you some day.” It was meant as a sarcastic joke, but deep down he meant it. It was the nature of racing and was bound to happen to the best of them.

After practice runs, the media swarmed the recently missing in action driver asking a thousand questions concerning his decision to not drive. Many reporters knew of his past at this track, and tried to bring up the subject. Thorin quickly swooped in and squashed further questions to all hurrying his driver away. “I will not let anyone upset you. You do not need to answer any questions that doesn't concern our race here in the present.”

~`~

Feeling good about how well his car was performing, and he had placed well in the starting line-up earlier that day, Kili decided to relax for a bit and play a few slot machines at the casino across the street from their penthouse. 

He waved off the waitress with her tray of fancy drinks. “But if you come back around with a rum and coke, I’ll take one.” He smiled cheekily. The waitress returned the smile and brought him what he preferred. Just as she went on her way, someone else took her place. 

“Well, hey there…Why haven’t you returned any of my texts?” Bard leaned against the slot machine Kili was playing staring at him. “You haven’t even stopped by to see me at the garages this week.”

“I’ve only been back for two days, and I’ve been very busy trying to focus on the car and driving since I lost so much time.” Kili took a drink from his glass, and continued to play his game without making any eye contact.

Bard reached up with a couple fingers to brush the brunet’s hair back from his shoulder. “I thought maybe we could…”

Kili flinched, pulling away he furrowed his brow and glared at him. “I’m sorry I never responded to your texts, but I was having a lot of issues. I’m with Thorin now anyway.” 

As he sat down his glass and tried to walk away, Bard grabbed his arm turning back toward him. “Come on, Kili. Come up to my room for a little bit.”

“I told you, I’m with Thorin now!” Holding back the urge to punch him, Kili hoped telling Bard he was with someone would be good enough to make him let go because he didn’t want to make a scene in the casino. 

“Right. Fuck that, I know better. Why won’t you come with me? Everybody knows how much you sleep around!” Bard was a little put-off that this promiscuous guy he had been messing around with suddenly wasn’t into him anymore. 

“Let go of me!” Kili jerked his arm from Bard’s grasp and saw Thorin coming toward them. “Thorin’s here, you need to leave.”

“What’s the problem here?” With a threatening stance, Thorin put himself between Kili and Bard staring down the apparent troublemaker. When Bard didn’t answer, Kili’s man put an end to this situation. “Kili’s mine, and I suggest you leave him alone from now on.” 

After Bard walked away without a word, Kili couldn’t help the impish grin he got. No one had ever been jealous over him before, and he liked the way it felt when Thorin claimed him. “Damn that was hot!” Giving his man a tight hug and a sloppy kiss, Thorin smiled too knowing he didn’t have to worry about Kili flirting anymore. 

As their bodies bumped together in the hasty embrace, the older brunet could feel the younger wasn’t joking about getting hot over the incident. “Maybe we should turn in early this evening? What do you think?”

~`~

It was a somber morning in the penthouse preparing to leave for the race track. Thorin and Kili had a light continental breakfast before leaving with very little conversation passing between them as they both tried to remain focused on the race and what needed to be done.

With a quick gathering of the entire team before the race, Thorin said a few words of encouragement to them all before getting things under way. He found a somewhat private spot to wish Kili well as they rested their heads together for a brief moment followed by one last quick hug and sweet kiss before the apprehensive driver slid into his car. 

Just as Nori was about to raise Kili’s window net, the panicked driver stopped him. “Nori, stop!” Frantically Kili pulled at all of his safety harnesses and belts unlocking and unhooking everything. 

“Kili! What are you doing? What’s wrong?” Nori looked back to the pits waving for Thorin.

“I saw him!” Kili couldn’t breathe pushing himself out of the car he pulled off his helmet as he began to hyperventilate. “He-He’s here! I can’t do this!” 

“Kili? Come here!” Thorin helped his driver over the pit wall as most of their team’s crew surrounded them keeping others away. He held his face in his hands to look into Kili’s wild eyes. “Calm down, and tell me what’s wrong.”

“I heard my brother speak to me…he told me our dad’s here…and then I saw him…” Kili tried to catch his breath, but he couldn't and he couldn't stop shaking. "My dad...he _is_ here..."


	26. Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili shouldn't have gotten back into that race car.

Everyone began to look around though no one knew who exactly they were looking for. “Where did you see him?” Thorin asked. 

Kili closed his eyes and answered, “He’s with Gandalf…I remember now…they were friends a long time ago. That’s why Gandalf hates me so much! It wasn’t because of you and Bilbo…he remembers me!”

Standing behind Kili, Nori looked past him to Thorin. He shrugged his shoulders and mouthed his question _‘What are we going to do?’_

As much as Thorin didn’t want to rush his driver, time was of the essence. “Kee, the race is going to start in a few minutes. Can you try to get back in the car and do this? Or we can forfeit and pull our car out of the race altogether, but you have to decide quickly.”

Taking a water bottle offered to him from a crew member, Kili took a drink and handed it back. He calmed himself with a deep breath. Reluctantly looking back toward Bilbo’s pit area, he no longer saw his father there. “I’ll do it for my brother…and for you, Thorin.” Their driver looked around. “For all of you. I can do this.” 

Thorin forced a smile, and patted his driver on the shoulder. “Alright then! Hurry up and get back in the car.” Once Kili had his helmet back on and Nori had helped him with all the safety belts and harnesses, Thorin radioed him. “I’m proud of you, Kili.”

The signal to start their engines was given and Kili pulled away from the pits with the rest of them falling in line behind the pace car. Deciding to part from the pits, Thorin went to a different area of the in-field where he could stand alone on a specially made platform for viewing. He kept in constant touch with Kili making sure he was doing well physically and mentally, as he was with the deep, soothing voice of his handsome boyfriend keeping him calm and focused.

For several laps everything was going well, until just passed the halfway mark. Kili saw a vision of his brother’s crash just as a chain reaction crash begun in real time. Unsure how it even happened, somehow in the chaos of the crash, Kili’s car was launched into the catch fence.

It was surreal. As if time was moving in slow motion, the only sound Thorin could hear was his heart beating in his ears. That was at least until he heard what everyone else heard. From the infield, Thorin stretched his arms above his head grasping the chain link fencing watching in sheer terror as he held his breath and his heart stopped when he saw the inevitable. The screeching of tires and the sickening sound of metal being broken and crushed. The race car spun, flipped end over end, then rolled over and over, and flipped again before finally coming to a silent stop in the grassy median of the racetrack as flames erupted from under the car.

Trying in vain, Thorin radioed Kili hoping he would respond somehow, but the window net never came down and the radio remained silent. With shattered cars, the carnage was everywhere and the race had been put under a red flag, parking every car on the track until further notice. The rescue crews surrounded Kili’s battered car putting out the fire in seconds, before they began the daunting task to cut the roof off of the car to get to its injured driver. 

Fili ran across the grassy median toward Kili’s car as they pulled his lifeless body from the wreckage to place him on a gurney. “Kili!” The blond driver sobbed and fell to his knees in the grass as Frerin ran to his side. They were thankful to find one another well, but feared for their friend’s life. 

Fili was overcome with grief and guilt for Kili's violent crash. “I tried go high, but someone hit me and the throttle got stuck, and I hit him like a brick wall at full speed after he flew off the fence!” 

Frerin tried desperately to console his boyfriend, but suddenly noticed something. “Fili, you're hurt! You’re head’s bleeding!”

The distressed blond shooed Frerin's hand away from his wound. "I don't care about that, Frerin. I need to know if Kili's alright." 

Thorin had finally made his way into the ambulance to join his frightened boyfriend. A piece of metal from the fencing had pierced Kili’s chest just above his heart. Kili was covered in blood, he shuddered and shook gasping for air. “I’m here, Kili! I’m here…”

Thorin held Kili’s hand tight looking into his panicked eyes as he tried speak. “Thorin, I’m so scared!…I-I take back what I said…I don’t want die! I finally have something worth living for! I-I have you.” 

Brushing a hand over Kili’s blood soaked hair, Thorin tried to calm him. “Shhh, baby you’re going to be alright. Stay quiet. They’re going to take you to the hospital by helicopter, and I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“D-Don’t!” The terrified brunet choked, tightening his grip on Thorin’s hand. “Don’t leave me!”

With tears in his eyes, Thorin shook his head. “Kili, I can’t go in the helicopter with you, but I’ll be by your side again in no time. Let them take care of you, Kee.” His gentle kiss reassured him he promised to keep his word. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Kili’s grip on his lover’s hand became weak as he shut his eyes letting the darkness take him.

 _‘Kili? Hey bro…you’re not supposed to be here yet!’_ Kili looked into his brother’s eyes as his elder sibling laughed at him. _‘Don’t try to do everything like me little bro! I miss you, but you need to go back. You have someone that needs you more than I do for now…hey Kee…I know it was an accident…so was this. Don't forget to forgive your friend...I love you…’_

Slowly becoming conscious, Kili could hear people talking about him and to him, but he couldn’t respond right away. Hearing Thorin’s voice caused his eyes to flutter open. “Kili?”

“He’s back! Kili? Can you hear me?” The doctor continue to check his patient over thoroughly. “Can you nod or blink your eyes for me?”

Tears dripped from the corner of his dark eyes, looking up into Thorin’s sapphire blue eyes swimming in tears, he blinked a few times as the doctor asked. Thorin bent down to kiss his forehead. “Thought I lost you!.”

~`~

For many days, Kili laid in the hospital bed sedated as the doctors tried to heal his nasty wound. Many crew members and drivers stopped by to see him, but none were allowed in though Kili's wouldn't have known they were there if they had been allowed in to see him anyway.

Fili and Frerin were the only other people Thorin was able to talk the doctor into letting visit with him. Fili would just sit at his side and tell him how sorry he was.

Frerin was there not only for Kili, but for his brother too. "I know how much you love him. Do worry. He's going to be alright." Walking to Thorin standing looking out the hospital window, Frerin apologized. "Thorin, for what its worth, I'm sorry for being a jackass of a brother to you."

Thorin immediately turned to embrace his little brother with tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry for not being a very good brother to you. I know I treated you badly growing up, and I'm deeply sorry for that. Can you forgive me?"

"Absolutely. Can you forgive me for all the times I've been a little shit?" Frerin smirked, but he was serious.

"Forgiven. I love you, Frerin." Thorin felt relieved he and Frerin had finally made amends. 

Fili quietly called to the brothers. "Guys! I think Kili's waking up!" Thorin and Frerin walked over to the bed as Fili leaned closer to look at Kili's eyes. "Kee?"

"Fili?"

"I'm so sorry I crashed into you!" Fili had waited for days to apologize to his friend. 

With eyes still closed the brunet licked his dry lips and tried to smile. "You told me you'd wreck me some day. Didn't think it'd be so soon." It was a feeble attempt to make his friend smile. "Fee, it was an accident, you know...I forgive you..."

Just as everyone was all smiles, and feeling good about Kili speaking to them, a stranger entered the hospital room. Kili peeked through heavy lidded eyes to see who the visitor was. Still being heavily drugged kept him somewhat calm, but couldn't hide the great fear he had of this man. "Dad? What are you doing here?"


	27. Mistaken Identity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili's father tries to make amends much to Thorin's dismay, and Bilbo comes to Thorin with some disturbing news.

“Yes, what _are_ you doing here?” Thorin stood protectively near Kili’s bedside giving the tall white bearded old man a menacing look.

The man seemed unmoved by Thorin’s threatening tone. “I have every right to be here. I am Saruman, Kili’s father. And who are you? His car owner? What gives you the right to question my being here?”

“I’m Kili's partner.” The older brunet stated boldly. 

The man with the long white hair pulled back in a ponytail chuckled. “Interesting. Yes, I know who you are, _Thorin Oakenshield_ , three time stock car _champion_. You're a little _old_ for my boy, don’t you think?”

Even though his blood pressure was rising, Thorin remained calm with a smirked fixed on his face waiting to see how this encounter would unfold. "Not really. He can keep up with me in bed alright."

Saruman rolled his eyes in disgust. “I came to see my son. I wanted to make sure Kili was alright.” The man looked Fili up and down, and remarked in a disparaging tone, “I remember _you_. I thought you were my son's lover.”

Taking Frerin by the arm, Fili gave the man a wary look as he nudge his boyfriend toward the door. “Come on, Frerin. There's too many people here. Let’s go. See you later, Kee...Thorin.”

Once they were in the hallway, the uneasiness Frerin felt caused him to question his boyfriend what he thought about Kili's visitor. "Fili? Was it me or did you feel something strange about Kili's dad?" 

"Yeah, something wasn't right." Fili was just as perceptive as Frerin feeling the same way, and not just because he'd already had a disturbing run-in with Saruman before. "I hope Thorin feels it too."

~`~

After his two friends closed the door, Kili struggled to find enough air to speak. “You told me you never wanted to see me again. You used to beat me, and then you tried to kill me after Kini died! Why would you care if I was alright now? I almost died, you almost got your wish!”

"Even if you died, your mother and your brother will never come back to me. I was wrong to treat you so badly.” Though the man tried to sound sincere, Thorin wasn't buying it hoping Kili wasn't either.

“After I found out you were racing in Gandalf’s race division, I spoke with him. He told me all about you.” A slight smile graced Saruman's face. 

“I bet he did.” Kili said with a touch of sarcasm. He always felt Gandalf didn't like him for some reason. 

“He told me how wrong I was for ignoring your talents for so many years. He said you are destine to be a great driver, that you’re a diamond in the rough.”

Kili’s tired dull eyes looked up to Thorin as he got affirmation from his father. “Gandalf said that about me?”

“Yes. And, he made me realize you’re all I have left. It was time to ask your forgiveness.” Stepping just a little closer, feeling the need to redeem himself, the old man bared his soul admitting his mistakes. “You mother and brother's deaths were not your fault. I've falsely blamed you all these years. I was bitter and filled with grief after your mother died giving birth to you. And of course, because your car was the one that dealt the fatal blow to your brother's car...I blamed you...but I know better..."

"Kini was my everything, Dad...I'm the one that has suffered the most over it. I felt guilty for so long, until just recently I finally realized and accepted it was an accident. It wasn't my fault." Kili was getting very tired again, and the pain in his chest was coming back strong.

"I know...and I'm sorry. I want to make amends with you before I go." The old man finally looked humbled. "The reason I came to the track was because I've never seen you race since your brother died, and I have something I need to tell you...I’m dying, Kili…”

“You’re dying?” Kili struggled for air and grabbed for Thorin's hand.

"Do you need the nurse?" Thorin let him grip his hand tight working through the pain, as he shook his head.

Thorin growled at the man seeing how this conversation was upsetting his boyfriend, and he wasn’t going to let this continue. “You’re upsetting him! I think it’s time you leave.”

"No, I'm okay." Catching his breath, Kili had to ask. "How long?" 

"Two, maybe three months...Kee, when you're well enough...I wanted you to come live with me."

Before he could stop himself, Thorin blurted out, "No! Absolutely not! When he leaves here, he's coming home with me!"

"Think about it, Son. I'm going now. I can see how my visit has upset you...and your _boyfriend_." Turning to leave, Saruman opened the door and said, "And Kili, I want you to know, though I've never said it, I am very proud of you."

The hospital door closed behind the old man as Kili swallowed hard hearing the words he'd longed his entire life to hear. "Maybe I should forgive him, Thorin."

"Forgive him? He's a snake! Everything you told me, you'd forgive him? I don't trust him. He's up to no good!" At least one of the two had common sense about this man, he thought.

"He came to watch me race. That was the first time he's ever been to one of my races since...that one. Maybe he does care about me." Thorin hoped Kili's lack of reasoning was due to the drugs he was on to sedate him.

"He came here to intimidate you! He wanted to see you fail! Why can't you see that? You were terrified of him when you saw him at the track! Could that have possibly been because he tried to kill you the last time you saw him? All of a sudden he's proud of you after you said he always said you were a loser and would never be anything?" Pleading for his lover's lost sanity, he was getting nowhere fast. 

"I said he was proud of me. That's all I've ever wanted from him." Kili tried to adjust himself to get comfortable. "I need to sleep some more, and I'm in a lot of pain. Can you tell the nurse I need more morphine, please?" Trying to ignore Thorin's comments, he also tried to ignore the visions of the gun stuck in Fili's face while they were in his father's barn. Thorin didn't need to know about that incident. 

Thorin huffed under his breath as he left to find Kili's nurse. _'I can't believe he's considering taking that bastard back into his life!'_

"I'll be out of here in two weeks. I think I should stay with him until the end." Though he and his father never got along, maybe there was still chance for them here at the end of the old man's life to make amends. 

"Kee, you shouldn't even consider going to the stay with him! You don't owe him anything after the way he's treated you all your life!" Thorin was older and much wiser than his young partner. "I've already made arrangements for you to live with me when you leave here. You're still not going to be completely well enough to take care of someone else much less yourself for awhile. I want to take care of you." 

Kili groaned from the pain. "Thorin, please get my nurse." His sad pitiful eyes pleaded for his man to understand. "I want to get to know my dad before he dies. We may not have much time left before he passes...Please, don't make me choose between you."

Placing a hand on Kili's sweaty forehead, Thorin knew right away he had a fever. "Kili, you're burning up! I'll get your nurse." 

Thorin left the room in a rush to find Kili's nurse. He rolled his head, then rubbed his face in his hands as he grumbled to himself, _'Don't make him choose? That bastard rolls in here making Kili believe a lifetime of grief and misery can all be forgiven with a few kind words and apologies making him believe he's dying? Oh, Kee...I hope you're thinking clearer when you're fever-free and the drugs are out of your system.'_

~`~

After Thorin was sure Kili was sedated and his nurse was there to monitor him while he slept, he went to his penthouse to get some well deserved sleep of his own. Just as he was about to drift off though, someone woke him by knocking on his door. Much to the brunet's surprise as he opened the door, he found Bilbo standing on the other side. He gave him a friendly smile as he greeted him. 

"Bilbo. Good to see you. What brings you here?"

Bilbo looked around and asked. "Could I come in? I have something important I need to discuss with you."

"By all means, come on in." Thorin showed Bilbo to the sofa to have a seat. "Would you like something to drink? I could make us some tea." 

With a wave of his hand, the blond replied, "No, thank you. I'm fine. You know I like to get straight to the point when something's on my mind." Bilbo looked at Thorin with mixed emotions. It was the first time they had a conversation or been alone like this since they parted. "What do you know about Kili's father?"

Thorin gave a nod and rubbed his bearded chin. "I know he wasn't much of a father to Kili. He belittled him, and abused him, not to mention he tried to kill him after his brother died. Why do you ask?"

"Because he's friend's with Gandalf, I got to meet him. He's odd, to say the least." The blond made a face with that statement. "I know he's a mechanic and he builds racing engines, correct?"

Thorin nodded in agreement. "Yes. He had built all of Kili and his brother's cars, and ran his own shop. Why?" 

"I don't know if I'm overreacting or imagining things, but I don't think what happened to Fili's car was a fluke." Honest and to the point as always, Bilbo was sure of what he thought. 

"What are you saying?"

"I saw him hanging around Fili's car while his mechanic was working on the engine as if he were interested in what he was doing. You know, really checking things out. I don't know why, but I have a strange feeling Saruman sabotaged Fili's car."

"But why would you think he'd do that? Why would he do such a thing to Fili?" Thorin didn't want to believe this could be true.

Always the detective, Bilbo hated to bring up the past, but it was necessary to explain the strange but curious thought he had. "Remember when we were in Kili's hometown for that race, and Fili and Kili took off together there? I heard from someone they had a frightening moment with Kili's dad. Do you think it's possible Saruman thought Fili was Kili's boyfriend...maybe he thought he found a way to get back at Kili by hurting someone _he_ loved?" 

Thorin felt a cold chill run up his spine. "What if it's true?"

"I think you need to talk to Fili's mechanic. See if he remembers leaving Saruman alone with his car at any point." As Bilbo walked to the door to leave, he left his ex with a warning. "Thorin, I'm worried about you. Now that Saruman knows you and Kili are together, I think _you_ need to watch your back."


	28. Taking Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thinking about never racing again, Kili is secretly doubting his relationship with Thorin because of his own insecurities not understanding love, though Thorin is madly in love with him.   
> After Kili tells Ori how frustrated he is about how careful Thorin's is being with him, he takes Ori's advice to take control of their next sexual encounter to get what he wants.  
> Thorin tries to talk sense into Kili about of going to visit his father, but something goes wrong.

Over the two weeks Kili remained in the hospital healing from his chest wound, Thorin did his own investigating unable to determine anything to confirm what Bilbo had suspected about Saruman sabotaging Fili’s car. 

For what it was worth, Thorin’s team knew they would only have a few more races to complete at the end of the season when Kili was able to drive again. He honestly didn’t care about those races anymore at this point. Making sure Kili was healthy and happy was all that mattered to him now. 

Thorin and Kili both were excited about his release from the hospital. It would be the first time they would get to spend time at Thorin’s Blue Ridge Mountain home as lovers. Kili had lived there for a short time before he got an apartment when they first began to work together as business partners, but this time would be much different. This house he would now call home.

Bringing in what few bags that held all of Kili’s belongings into this home, Thorin thought it felt different here in his own home knowing he would be sharing it with someone he cherished. Some rooms still had a few reminders of his ex-wife around here and there, but he quickly made a mental note to correct that.

“Let me take that.” Thorin took the one small bag Kili held and put it with the others near the staircase. 

“I missed you…Thorin…” Kili ran a hand up his lover’s arm. “I’m not fragile, I’m still a little sore, but I’m healing just fine. Would you at least kiss me? I feel like you’re avoiding touching me in any way, and I need you to touch me somehow.”

There was no denying how badly Thorin wanted to touch Kili again. He wanted him badly, but he was afraid he might hurt him. Gently wrapping an arm around his waist to hold him close, he brushed his hair back to see those big doe eyes begging for affection with his other hand. “I’ve missed you so much, and I admit you’re right. I am afraid I might hurt you.”

“Don’t be afraid. Please, I need you to touch me. Make love to me again, I need it! I need to know how much you love me!” Kili was exasperated with his lover. 

“I do love you Kili, very much! I-I just don’t feel comfortable doing anything with you yet.” Thorin saw the hurt reflected in his expression and in his sad eyes. “I’m sorry, but I don’t want to hurt you.” He gave him a tender kiss, and released him to gather the bags and take them up the stairs.

Watching Thorin ascend the staircase, Kili mumbled _'You're hurting me by not doing anything to me!'_ He startled when the doorbell rang. Surprised to see Ori there, he smiled and welcomed him inside. “Ori! What are you doing here?” 

Ori smiled as he entered holding a small satchel. “Good to see you again, Kili! Dwalin and I live right down the road from here, so Thorin asked me to come over and sit with you while he ran some errands to town.”

The irritated brunet dipped his head. “Oh. Not that I don’t want to spend time with you or anything, but I’m fine. I can take care of myself. That’s why my doctor let me out of the hospital.”

Ori felt the young man’s embarrassment, and he understood. “I know, but it’ll be nice to visit with you regardless.” His friendly smiled eased Kili’s frustration. 

As Thorin came back down the stairs, he greeted Ori and saw the agitation on Kili’s face. “Hi Ori! Thanks for coming over…Kee, I just want…” Kili raised a hand to stop him, and walked away going out the back door. 

The older brunet sighed. “I shouldn’t be gone long. Thanks again, Ori.” After Thorin left, Ori went out the back door to sit on the expansive deck with Kili. 

“What a gorgeous view of the mountains from here!” Ori sat down in one of many rocking chairs next to Kili, and pulled out one of his sketch pads. 

Taking a deep breath of refreshing mountain air, Kili exhaled. “Ori, I’m sorry Thorin asked you to _babysit_ me. I mean really, I’m fine! I don’t know what his problem is.” 

“He loves you, Kili. He’s just worried about you.”

“I know, but he won’t even touch me.” Kili said sadly feeling maybe Thorin wasn’t as interested in him anymore for some reason other than his injury. 

Shyly Ori suggested as he continued to sketch, “Then maybe you need to take control in the bedroom.”

“Hmm, yeah…maybe you’re right.” A sheepish grin curled his lips thinking about what he would do to Thorin after Ori left. He shook his head bringing his thoughts back to Ori. “So let me see what drawing.”

Ori worked fast, but had only just begun. “Oh, I just got started, it’s not much yet.”

“No, it’s wonderful! I can already see how amazing this is going to look when you’re done! I wish I could draw like that.” The brunet was very impressed by his friend’s talent. 

“We’re all good at something. Sometimes it just takes some people longer to figure out what they’re good at.” With a chuckle Ori had to admit. “I would love to be a race car driver like you, but I’m too afraid! A long time ago, Dwalin let me drive his race car a few times when we first started dating, and I knew right away I’d never be able to do it I was so scared! Those cars are so powerful!”

Kili chuckled, “Yes, they are, but it takes a lot of practice to get used to feeling comfortable with it.” A tear rolled down his cheek, and Ori noticed.

“What’s wrong, Kee?”

“Racing was my life. It’s all I ever wanted to do, but now I’m afraid to drive anymore. And I’m afraid if I quit driving, Thorin won’t want me around anymore.”

Ori became animated as he confessed what he knew. “Oh, my gosh, don’t be silly! I’ve never seen that man so happy with anyone! Dwalin’s told me for months long before you two got together how much he could tell Thorin liked you, and now that you are together, Thorin admitted to Dwalin how right he’d been, and how much he loves you! He barely left your side at the hospital.”

Kili blushed. “Really? I never had anyone love me before, so I guess I never realized how much he does loves me." This may have complicated how he felt about quitting. "I don’t know how to tell him after all he’s done for me. I’m supposed to be well enough to finish out the last two races of the season, but I don’t know if I can.” 

“Talk to him. Be honest with him. I’m sure he’ll understand better than anybody.”

“What do you mean?”

Ori spoke sure of himself as he stated, “Thorin's horrible crash that almost killed him was the reason he quit racing for good. He would never think less of you for not wanting to race anymore.”

~`~

After Ori left, Thorin shut the front door and turned around to face Kili. Knowing how he had upset him, he went to him and started to speak bringing his hand up to his cheek, but Kili stopped him. 

In all eagerness, Kili took Thorin’s hand from his face and placed it firmly against the bulge in his jeans as he made the first move to kiss him. “Relax, and let me be in control if you’re so afraid you’ll hurt me. Feel how much I want you?”

The older brunet gasped at the words his sweet lover whispered across his lips as his hand was forced against the semi-hard erection pressing against Kili's jeans. “Take me to your bed and let me ride you.” Still holding Thorin’s hand he continued to rub it against his clothed cock straining for release. “I need to feel you inside me again.” If this is what Kili demanded, he wouldn't deny him any longer.

They hurried up the stairs to Thorin’s room. After a rush of hot needy kisses, and hands roaming and exploring everywhere, clothes began to be discarded. “Tell me what you want, Thorin." Kili breathed heavily. "Do you love me? I need to hear how much you much you want me. What do you want from me?” The younger took the lead becoming aggressive because Thorin allowed it, he shoved him onto the bed crawling over him.

As much as Thorin liked being the dominant one, he loved to submit to Kili. “G'yes I love you! I want you so bad, I can't wait to make you cum while I watch you fucking yourself on my cock. Do whatever you want to me, Kili. Take what you need to get yourself off, baby.” 

When he was ready, Kili slid down on his lover’s thick cock with ease. Longing to feel him moving inside of him again, he felt like a virgin taking in Thorin's length as he began fucking him slowly. The older brunet gently rocked his hips upward gently resting his hands on his young lovers hips. Thorin's eyes kept being drawing to Kili’s healing chest wound, until he noticed. 

Kili leaned forward running his fingers through Thorin’s fine chest hair bringing his face closer to him. “Stop staring at it...Look into my eyes. I want you to see what you do to me, Thorin.” 

Thorin did as he was told, and bit his lip beginning to smirk watching Kili’s eyes close at the first touch of his large hand wrapping around the younger’s long hard cock as he began pumping it firmly slicking it with his precum. “Keep your eyes open, like you said. I want to see how beautiful you look when you come undone.”

“Fist me harder then. My cock’s not broken, don’t be gentle with it.” Kili’s heart was pounding as his breathing came more rapidly sliding himself up and down on Thorin's swollen cock finding the perfect rhythm between them. 

Staring into his exotic lover’s lust filled eyes, Thorin felt his release coming hard as Kili came down on his throbbing cock faster, his hole clenching tighter around his shaft. “I’m sorry Kili, I can’t hold back any longer…I'm coming!” 

Feeling Thorin's release erupting inside of him, Kili let out a low guttural moan shoving Thorin's pulsing shaft deeper into himself before riding out his own release in his lover's hand covering Thorin's stomach and chest with his seed. The men's eyes never strayed holding one another's gaze. With a sexy cocky grin, Kili dipped his finger into the white mess he left on Thorin's chest. "Do you want it?" 

It was a filthy move as he offered up his cum to his man, but Thorin loved it as he licked it off his finger and sucked his digit clean before he answered with a crooked smile of his own, "I love you. You're so beautiful like this...of course I want it..because it's you my naughty boy." Reaching up, Thorin tangled his fingers into Kili's long raven hair slowly pulling him down to him. "Now kiss me..." 

~`~

All cleaned up feeling sated still lying together in their afterglow, Kili brought up the sore subject of leaving to visit with his father. Thorin was still adamantly against it. 

“Thorin, we’ve been over this a thousand times already. I’m going to see my dad. I don’t understand myself why, but I feel like it’s something I really need to do. Closure? Maybe I need some kind of closure knowing he’s dying.”

Thorin sighed and rolled his eyes knowing Kili couldn't see him as they laid together on the bed. “Kili, I never wanted to say this before, but I’m not so sure he’s dying. He looked pretty healthy to me when he was here for someone that only has a couple months left to live, don’t you think?”

When he didn't get a response, Thorin stated. “I really wish you would reconsider the idea of going there.”

Kili got up to get dressed. “I’ve had had a couple weeks to think about it. As much of an ass my dad has been to me, he’s still my dad, and I feel the need to make up for lost time with him.”

“Do you really think he’s changed how he feels about you, and everything? I mean, this seemed so sudden.” Thorin pulled on his clothes too while they continued their discussion. 

“Yes, I do. I believe when people know their end is near they reflect on their life and someone like Dad could change how they feel. I need to do this Thorin, and it would mean a lot to me if you would stand behind on this.”

“I can’t Kili. I’m afraid for you.” Slipping his arms around Kili's waist Thorin gave him a quick sweet kiss. "Please don't go. I want you here, safe with me." 

For the first time, Kili considered how intelligent and insightful Thorin was. Maybe he should still be afraid of his father. "Then come with me." 

Thorin shook his head. "No. And the more I think about it Kili, I don't want to be this way with you, but I have to...I'm _telling_ you not to go." 

Always independent, Kili was more confused when Thorin took control to tell him not to go. He wasn't sure if he liked the order that he took as a threat to their relationship if he decided to go. Without showing any reaction to Thorin's demand, he asked, "Can I take your car for a drive please? I know you don't want me to drive, but my doctor said I could, I'm fine. Please? Sometimes when I drive around aimlessly alone I can think clearer. I just want to drive through the mountains for a little bit. I promise I won't be gone long. I got my cell phone." 

Thorin couldn't resist that look from his raven haired man as he sighed, and handed over his car keys. "Be careful, and don't be gone long or I'll be calling you." 

~`~

When Kili returned feeling a little better, he was ready to tell Thorin he decided not to go because he trusted Thorin's judgment. That was until he saw Bilbo's car in the driveway. His temper flared when he entered the house finding Thorin dressed only in his briefs with his arms wrapped around Bilbo holding him close standing there in the foyer. 

Though it was completely innocent, Bilbo knew this didn't look good because he had been in Kili's place once before. "Kili, it's not what you think! I just stopped over to pick up a few things Thorin told me I had left here. I didn't know you weren't home when I came by."

Automatically thinking the worst without listening to any explanations, Kili stared at Thorin with jealousy and anger in his eyes as he shouted at him just before he bolted out of the house. "How could you do this to me! This is _exactly_ why I _never_ got into a relationship with _anyone_!" 

Thorin chased after him. "Kili! Kili! No! Stop! Kili, wait!" But it was too late. Kili had already started Thorin's SUV and was pulling out of the driveway. 

Returning swiftly to the house, Thorin pleaded with Bilbo to help him. "Bilbo, can you please take me to the airport? I know that's where Kili's going, and I have to stop him from going home to his father!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of you that have supported my story so far! This ride will most likely be over next chapter though it looks like it might be a long one :)


	29. I'm The Winner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili gets closure with his father, and looks forward to a new chapter in his life.

Bilbo wanted to go too, but Thorin convinced him, this wasn’t his fight, and thanked him for the ride. Fili was the only one that knew how to find Kili’s father’s house. He regretted having to get Fili involved, and consequentially his brother because he would not let Fili go without him.

Frerin and Fili met Thorin at the airport obviously too late to catch Kili before his flight took off. Thorin worried not only for what Kili would find at his father’s house, but the fact he knew how angry he was finding him with Bilbo. 

Kili was never insecure when it came to sexual partners. If anything he was overly confident in himself and his sexual prowess, but in the matters of the heart, he was insecure and vulnerable. He didn’t like being insecure, and didn’t like the way his heart hurt when he felt betrayed by Thorin. It was why he never allowed himself to fall in love with anyone.

Wiping a tear from his eye as he sat in the backseat of the cab driving toward his father’s house, Kili had never been so torn up inside. Anxiety began to take over as his mind flitted from one issue to the next. _‘Kili, it’s not what it looks like!’ ‘How could you do this to me! This is exactly why I never got into a relationship with anyone!’ ‘I love you very much Kili’ ‘Racing was my life. It’s all I ever wanted to do, but now I’m afraid to drive anymore’ ‘He would never think less of you for not wanting to race anymore.’_

As the cab slowed in front of Saruman’s house, Kili confirmed this was the right driveway to pull into. With eyes fixed on the house, he heard Thorin’s concerned voice in his head. _‘I’m afraid for you. Please don't go. I want you here, safe with me.’_

Kili paid the cab driver and stood stiff in the driveway staring at the front door as the cab drove out of sight. He was alone on the property he once called home. It was never a home, he thought. It was a place to exist. The only laughter and love he ever knew here came from his brother.

For a moment he was a scared child again as he took his first step toward the house. _‘You’re not welcome here. Take your friend and go.’ ‘Can I come back for my car someday?’ ‘Take it with you now so I never have to see you again’_

 _‘You’re all I have left. It was time to ask your forgiveness.’ ‘Your mother and brother's deaths were not your fault. I've falsely blamed you all these years.’ ‘I want to make amends with you before I go.’_ Before Kili reached the front porch, he startled at his father’s voice.

“What are you doing here?” That familiar threatening voice struck fear into him once again even more so when he spun around finding himself feeling déjà vu with a shotgun pointed at him this time. 

“Dad. You said you wanted me to come here when I was well enough to stay with you.” Trembling Kili was petrified thinking he had made a huge mistake and should have listened to Thorin. “Y-you, you said you were dying…are you?”

~`~

The men left the airport taking two separate vehicles in case there was a problem they wouldn’t be reliant on only one means of transportation. Thorin followed Fili to the remote rural road far from the outskirts of town. 

Frerin looked curiously at his boyfriend driving in silence seemingly lost in his own world staring straight ahead as he drove. “Fee, are you alright?”

Breaking his trance, the blond looked over to give him a fake grin. “Yeah…Frerin, just like Thorin told Bilbo, this wasn’t his fight, this isn’t our fight either. I’m showing Thorin were to go, but we’re not staying. Staring down the barrel of a shotgun once in a lifetime is one too many times for me. I told him we’d park down the road, but I’m not walking up to that house again.”

Frerin understood his fear, but felt otherwise. “Thorin’s my brother. I’m worried about him too. Maybe if Saruman has intent to hurt anyone, he’d think twice if there were four of us.”

“I get it, but…Frerin, don’t do this.” 

“Fili, if it was you in danger, I’d want Thorin to back me up.”

~`~

“You believed me. I lied. I wanted to see if you'd come.” His tone was as dark as the haze in his glaring eyes.

“Dad, can’t we talk? Can’t we put the past behind us, and…” Kili tried to pleaded with him, but was cut off. 

“You make it sound so simple. You want to have afternoon tea and shake hands like nothing ever happened?” The old white haired man snorted. 

“I-I wasn’t expecting us to be best friends after a few words, but…”

“Then how do we do this?” A slight breeze sent the smell of alcohol the brunet’s way which worried him more that his drunk father was holding a shotgun on him.

“We can start by you lying that gun down. Please Dad...you're shaking.” Kili’s eyes kept darting back and forth between Saruman’s eyes and the shotgun in his hand. 

With trembling hands the old man slowly lowered the gun . “Why did any of this happen? Your mother...your brother...”

“Dad, you can’t blame me for Mom’s death. I was just infant trying to be born, and something went wrong, I didn't kill her! You have forever told me it was my fault, and whenever anyone asked me about her, I always told them she died when I was young because I didn’t want people to know she died giving birth to me. Why did you make me feel guilty about that?”

"I was angry she left me, and I did blame you..." 

~`~

Fili called Thorin and told him what house to go to letting his car pass him on the road. “Fili, I really think we need to go with him.” 

The younger blond sighed at his boyfriend’s request. “Alright, but if I die it’s your fault!” Frerin chuckled silently hoping there wouldn’t be any violence at all. 

Thorin pulled up the long driveway keeping his cool when he saw Saruman and Kili standing on the walkway in front of the house. Fili’s car pulled in seconds afterwards, turning his car around to park in the opposite direction in case they needed to leave suddenly. Frerin and Fili got out of their car. 

“What are they doing here?” Saruman said in a low growl.

“They followed me. They’re worried about me.” Kili replied quietly.

He turned his shotgun on Thorin as he exited his car starting toward him.

Frerin ran to stand between them. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Saruman snapped, “Get out of here! This this none of your business, boy!”

“You made it my business when you pointed that gun at my brother!” Suddenly the old man turned the gun on Frerin.

"Dad! Put the gun down! You're not going to shoot anybody, you don't know what you're doing!" Kili panicked screamed at his father to stop.

Fili started walking toward them. The blond's movement cause Saruman to turn the gun on him. Frerin took the man's distraction to his advantage to swiftly charge him, knocking the shotgun from his hands he restrained him while Fili snatched up the gun. 

"Don't hurt him, Frerin." Kili didn’t know if he wanted to cry and run in the other direction, or run into Thorin’s arms as his man rushed toward him. 

“Kili! Are you alright?” Thorin gathered Kili into his arms to hold him tight.

“I’m okay, Thorin.” Still hurting thinking he had been cheated on, his eyes pooled with tears that Thorin tried to wipe away as he held his face to look at him.

“Don’t ever run away from me like that again! I was so worried about you!” Thorin smoothed a hand over Kili's fine hair, and brushed a light kiss over his lips. 

“Why? Why did you cheat on me with Bilbo?” The hurt tone in Kili's voice broke Thorin's heart.

“Kili, I would never cheat on you! I’ve never cheated on anyone in my life, not even my bitch ex-wife when we were married! I was getting ready to take a shower when Bilbo stopped by to pick up a few things I asked to come by and get. It was all bad timing, Kee. He wasn’t even there that long, and I was just giving him a hug because we made amends agreeing to still be friends right when you walked in.” 

The tears finally fell as he shut his eyes knowing he’d made a mistake. “I so sorry Thorin!” He buried his face in his boyfriend’s chest. “I should have trusted you.”

Thorin kept him held tight in his arms and pressed a kiss into his hair. “I love you so much, Kili. I’ll never want anyone but you.”

Maybe it wasn’t the right time to say it, but Kili felt the need to tell Thorin how he felt about his future. “Thorin, while we're being honest here, I need to tell you I decided not to race anymore.” Thorin’s heart dropped, but they’d been through this before. 

Subdued in Frerin's grasp, Saruman had been calmly listening to Thorin and Kili's conversation. He cleared his throat to interject. “Kili, you’ve been in a race car since you were five years old. Why would you want to quit now?”

Kili glanced at his father, then looked up into Thorin’s eyes. “I’m afraid. I’m more afraid now after what I just went through.” Taking Thorin’s hand, he placed it on his chest to rest over his healing wound. “Ori told me you would understand.”

Bowing his head in acknowledgement, Thorin did understand. “More than you know. You’re young, and still learning. Kili, wrecks like that don’t happen often, and what happened to you was a freak thing. That piece of fencing went through your window net at just the right angle, but normally nothing would have got through it.”

Saruman couldn't resist taunting his son. "What would your brother do?" 

Kili released himself from Thorin to stand before his father. "This isn't about Kini! This is about me!" 

The old man smirked, and jerked away from Frerin taking a few steps forward. “It's always been about _you_! It all started when you were thirteen when Kini got married and his son was born. You were so jealous of the attention he was receiving, you couldn’t stand it! By the time you were seventeen, you were destroying my life, and disrupting your brother’s life as well! You were always running off doing something stupid with your friends. Running away, getting high, and coming home drunk all the time! I was getting calls from the police in the middle of night because of some stupid thing you were off doing!” 

“Why would have wanted to stay around here? You always told me to get lost because you were too busy working on Kini’s car, and you were always drunk!” Saruman reached out a slapped his boy across the face. “I drank too much because of you! After everything you put me through, you want to just give up?”

It was becoming clear to Kili, maybe his father wasn’t the lunatic he always though he was. Maybe he was the reason his father was so messed up after all. 

Digging up the past was hurtful to them both. Saruman had become to believe he hated his youngest son for all the pain he had caused him and his family, but deep down, he didn’t hate Kili. He was more angry with him than anything. 

“Kili…all I ever wanted was for Kini to be the best race car driver that ever lived. It was a dream of my own that I could never follow through with. He had amazing skill, and could’ve been the best…and…you…”

Kili was quick to reiterate what they both knew so well. “I know what happened. I almost died two weeks ago the same way in the same spot on the same track! I know accidents happen in racing, and some can be fatal! It was just that! An _accident_! I loved Kini more than anyone in the world and wish more than anything for him to be here with me now, but I can’t change what happened five years ago!”

Quietly, Saruman spoke words Kili never thought he’d hear…ever. “I was going to say, you…had the potential for greatness as well.”

“You never gave me credit for any… _what_ did you say?”

“I was proud of you too Kili. I never told you, I never let you know because you were so self-centered and reckless, I hoped you’d learn from your brother how to control yourself, but…you never did…” The ice around Saruman’s heart began to melt, and though he wouldn’t be quick yet to forgive his youngest son for the loss of his eldest, he knew there was still hope for him for he was still very young and green. “Kili, I want to show you something I think you need to see.”

Fili laid down the gun, and the four men followed Saruman into his small humble home. Stepping into the living room from the front door, Kili remembered the smell musty smell mixed with alcohol. He looked around the living room which hadn’t changed over the past five years since he last saw it. Pictures, posters, plaques and trophies of his brother and his winnings adorned every shelf and wall space just as he remembered.

“In here.” The four trailed behind the old man going into the dining area between the living room and kitchen. With a quiet gasp, Kili swallowed hard seeing all the framed magazine pictures of himself, and all the news articles of his winnings decorating the walls of this room though there wasn’t nearly as much to display as his brother’s.

“Dad?” The brunet shook his head, and tears fell again as Thorin put hand on his shoulder. 

“After I came out of my depression following your brother’s death, I followed your career over the past three years. I never went to many of your races, but I always kept up with how you were doing in the standings of whatever division you raced in.”

“You do care about me.” Kili hung his head as Thorin gave him a side hug and Fili patted his other shoulder. 

“Gandalf was right. You are all I have left in this world. Though I still miss your mother and Kini, that will never change, I should have never been so hateful toward you, but you broke my heart so many times, Kili.” For the first time ever, Kili saw his father break down in tears. 

Feeling ashamed, Kili looked at Thorin. “Take me home, Thorin. I’m ready to go.”

~`~

**Two months later...**

Fili smiled brightly seeing his friend suited up ready to race the last race of the season. "I saw you in practice the other day. We all got our work cut out for us to keep up with you out there today!" 

Returning the smile, Kili laughed. "I'll try not show up anybody, especially those running for the cup today." With a wink, he wished his friend well. "Good luck out there today! I want to see you holding the champions cup even if you don't win the race. You deserve it." 

It was a tough race, with so many drivers close in the point standings tension was high. Only a few small crashes, but none that threatened any of the point leaders. It was a close finish, but in the end Fili did win his first ever championship, and Legolas had won his first ever division race. Dwalin had much to be thankful for as he stood proudly with his winning teams. 

"Well, my friend, looks like I could learn a thing or two from you. Congratulations! Both of your boys did great this season." Thorin slapped Dwalin on the back handing him a beer. 

"Thanks! From the way Kili's come back so strong, I don't think you need any advice from me. We'll have a good competition running next season with these young guns, I'm sure of it!" Dwalin laughed heartily soaking in the joys of his victorious day. 

Kili made his way through the crowds to Fili. "Congrats, Fee! I knew you'd do it!" 

The broad smiles between them faded a little as the blond winner grabbed his friend to squeeze him in a tight hug. "You've been my inspiration, Kee. You're stronger than you think you are."

"I love you, Fili. You know we're family now. I have to support you and Frerin!"

Fili laughed. "Yeah, I guess we are family now aren't we."

Hearing a familiar deep voice calling him away, Kili turned to see Thorin calling him over. "See ya later, Fee! Don't get too crazy at your party tonight!"

Thorin reached out to wrap an arm around Kili walking him through crowds of people heading toward their car carrier. "There's a few people here that want to meet you, Kee."

The raven haired young driver stopped dead in his tracks and gasped as if he saw a ghost. Dis was standing with his father, and standing next to him was a young woman with two young boys. "Mary?"

The young woman cried tears of joy running into Kili's arms. "Kini would've been so proud of you, Kili!" The two little boys walked over to join them. "Kili, these are your nephews. They couldn't wait to meet you..."

For hours Kili sat in Thorin's motorhome chatting with his sister-in-law, getting to know is nephews while his father talked trade secrets with Thorin. It was the perfect end to a wild race season. 

When they were finally home, Thorin surprised Kili showing him he had his car _Black Widow_ brought there to be stored in one of his many garages, and all of his many trophies were proudly displayed in their family room alongside Thorin's own awards. "You're home, Kili." 

Kili felt at peace with himself and his life for the first time ever. "I'm glad to be home. I can't wait to start my new life with you here." 

Giving the love of his life a passionate kiss, Thorin got a mischievous grin. "Are you ready to go to _our_ bed?" 

Kili teased him slowly backing him against the wall. He fisted those long dark curls and looked into his sexy sapphire eyes as he rubbed their groins together. "Are you sure you can handle me old man?" 

His cocky smile set Thorin's heart racing. He couldn't wait to get that boy of his in bed again. "Just for that, I'm taking you all night..." He said playfully, but turned serious. "I love you so much Kili." 

There was nothing but adoration and love in Kili's eyes as he spoke from the heart. "I love you more Thorin." With a sweet kiss, Kili bit his lip teasingly, "Wanna race?" They both laughed running up the stairs to fall into bed together. It was the beginning of their new life together forever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading!!! I appreciate all the comments and kudos from everyone, it always helps to get through writing a story!!! I'm taking a break to work on my next story, but looking forward to reading more of yours! You can chat with me on tumblr (not the same name) if you'd like - my information is in my profile, and I'm always open to suggestions or ideas for new stories <3


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